Humans and the Earth Alliance

Described by Londo Mollari
SPOILER WARNING for the third and fourth seasons

"There are still many things about Human culture that I do not understand. A place called...'Winchester Mansion'? With stairs that go nowhere? Something called...'country and western'? And, the less said about the comedy team of Reebo and Zooty, the better!"--Londo, Rumours, Bargains, and Lies

The Humans are a mostly Centauri-looking race from an insignificant little blue-green planet in the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the galaxy. (Yes, I am a Douglas Adams fan). When we first met them we honestly thought they WERE a long-lost colony of ours. They say we lied to them on purpose, but HEY, it was just a clerical error! I mean, I'm SO sorry, we made such a TERRIBLE mistake, here, OPEN my wrists! (Never mind that that won't do anything to me other than get on my nerves.)
Differences between Humans and us--well, first of all, as you can see from the photo above, they often come in different skin colours, which is very rare among us Centauri. They also have dismayingly small, dull canine teeth, thin eyebrows, and their hair does NOT grow into a crest as it should. And the females have HAIR! Ick. They DO have major blood vessels at the surface of their wrists, and only one heart! Seems rather fragile to me, whatever happened to the idea of backup systems? And speaking of only one...well, this is going to sound hard to believe, but according to a conversation between Commander Susan Ivanova (pictured above) and my attaché Vir Cotto, the Humans only have ONE of...well...they only have one! How do they stand it? I'm surprised their race hasn't died out of BOREDOM by now! Poor repressed little things, they don't know what they're missing. But of course, we can't ALL be fortunate enough to be born Centauri.
Their military is called "EarthForce" The humans above used to belong to that, but broke off after that genetic defective President Clark started acting like a total piece of spoo. I can see why they broke off, having had more than a bit of experience with power-mad dictators myself. While Clark was in power, all kinds of nasty things were done to their government. First of all, their news network ISN, or Interstellar News Network, got taken over forcibly and turned into a propaganda machine. Vir did an in-depth report on exactly how oppressive and weird ISN had become one day when I wasn't looking, and...I may be devious, but this is a bit too MUCH untruth even for me.
Clark also put in a "secret police" force called "Nightwatch" and managed to irritate their own colony Mars enough to make them want to secede! I don't blame them. Now, they have a new President, a rather attractive redheaded woman with a smart mouth and a sneaky way of politicking that would make any Centauri proud.
The Humans have accomplished some good things, too, though, you gotta give them credit for that. The main one that comes to my mind is Babylon 5. Why is it called "Babylon 5" you may ask? Because Babylons 1-3 were BLOWN UP during construction, and then #4 disappeared suddenly right after it went on-line (it was evidently found again, then lost again, or something, later, and frankly, whenever I ask one of the Humans involved to explain this to me it makes my head feel as if my brains have been sucked out through my ear, so I stopped asking). So they built a FIFTH one. You gotta give it to these Humans--they're almost as as stubborn as us Centauri.
Babylon 5 was supposedly built as a way to bring different races together peacefully. Now, a short while ago, I would have laughed at that, but just recently, with this new "Interstellar Alliance" that Sheridan and that Minbari wife of his have managed to put together, I'm starting to wonder...Great Maker, the other day, I even got along with G'KAR! If that can happen, ANYTHING can. So, we'll see.
However, the Humans haven't solved ALL their problems yet, not by a long shot. Their telepath organisation, "Psi Corps" has gotten a scary amount of power in the government and doesn't seem ready to let go of it anytime soon, for just one thing.
That is, luckily, little of my concern. I got ENOUGH to worry about what with, among other things, a foofy Regent who actually likes PASTELS (ick) and an increasingly mouthy attaché! Sigh. They just don't make flunkies like they used to...
Until later, this is Londo Mollari, saying...I need a drink!






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