Warning: This fanfic is rated S because some parts, and really the entire fanfic, tends toward excessive sillyness. Standard disclaimers apply- I didn't create anything but the bad guys and the... urm, plotline, for lack of a worser word. Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes A continuing fanfic by Kristin Renee Taylor Special Episode 6.5: "Don't Forget to Recap" Part 1 [Setting: An lounge room with a large couch and matching loveseat. [Various members of the current cast of Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes are either sitting on the couch (This would be Rei, Minako, and Ami) or on the floor (Makoto, Cal, and the wolfcub version of Lupis). Luna and Artemis are stretched out on Ami and Minako, respectivly. Mamoru is sitting on a love seat nearby with Usagi practically in his lap. They are making out, but the others are ignoring them. How? I don't know. They just are!] [Minako waves to the camera.] Minako: Hi guys and welcome to Part One of the Special 6.5 episode of Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes. Rei: Now, as I'm sure everybody knows, it's been about three months since the Author's last posted episode. Since then she's completed the seventh episode where Usagi - Ami: Hsst! Don't spoil it for them, Rei-chan! Rei(blushes): Right. Anyway, the Author's completed the seventh episode and she was going to send it to the FFML - Makoto: - But then she realized that in three months some people might have forgotten what SM: TRE was about. Cal(deadly): And if you have forgotten then we intend on hunting you down and killing you. [The other's stare at Cal. She looks around and shrugs uncomfortably.] Cal: Look, I'm a bad guy. I'm *supposed* to threaten people! Makoto(embarrased): Uh, yeah. (normal) At any rate, rather than repost the entire previous six episodes, the Author has instead decided to recap the entire series up to this point. That way, she won't have to bother sending multiple e-mails. Minako: That, and also she can buy time to rewrite that horrible ending to the seventh episode. Rei: How can you complain? You weren't even in that episode! Minako(angry): I was too! Remeber, I was the one that - Ami: That's a spoiler, Minako-chan! [Minako falls silent, but continues glaring at Rei, who ignores her.] Ami: For those of you who are new to the series and would like to read the previous six episodes - Minako: - Rather than reading this neat recap that the Author has slaved over - Ami: - You can simply go to - Makoto: Why do I feel a shamless plug coming in? Ami(angry): Will you guys stop interupting me?! Makoto/Minako: Sorry. Ami(clears her throat): As I was saying before I was so rudely interupted - [She glares at Minako and Makoto, who cringe and blush.] Ami: - you can find the first six fics, in their entirety, at www.geocities.com/sailorfalcon/. You will also find the strange and mysterious seventh episode there, but be aware that it is a really cruddy draft. (frowns, to others) Am I allowed to say 'cruddy'? I mean, it certainly doesn't sound like a typical Mizuno Ami thing to say. Rei(shrugs): Who cares? The Author's basically trashed all of our roles, and she's done it on purpose. Minako: Speaking of which, on with the fanfic! Fade out! [Fade out.] [Setting: An empty stage.] [The curtain lifts, revealing a large cardboard cut out version of the Juubaan district of Tokyo, complete with a replica of the Tokyo Tower. Featured prominently is a large cardboard building with the word FALCORP painted on in large, tacky, dayglo green letters.] Narrator(Minako's voice): Here we have Tokyo, a quaint little city located in Japan. Ami(offscreen): I think everybody knows where Tokyo is, Minako-chan. Minako: Well, some people might not. [Ami is heard sighing.] Narrator(Minako): Whatever. For months, Tokyo had been attacked by all sorts of nefarious monsters. Tokyo's only defense against these evil hordes were (insert dramatic music) THE SAILOR SENSHI! [Four ballerinas (dressed like Mercury, Moon, Jupiter, and Mars) run out into the stage, jumping, leaping, and doing other various ballerina stuff.] Narrator(Minako): And they were led by the most spectacular Senshi of them all, Sailor Venus! [A stunningly beautiful blonde ballerina, dressed as Sailor Venus but with lots of sequins, dances out onto the stage. The other Senshi are all in awe of her.] [Cut back to the lounge, where everyone is glaring at Minako.] Makoto: What the *hell* was that? Rei: Since when were you the leader of the Senshi? Ami: And how does this fit into the current timeline of the fanfic? Minako(angry): Who's telling this story: you or me? Rei: You are, but not anymore. Minako(angry): What!? You can't take over this fic! Rei(angry): Watch me! Fade out! [Fade out.] [Setting: The Hikawa Jinja in the morning.] [Rei is lying in her bed, asleep. As the morning sun peeps through her blinds, she wakes up, yawns expansivly, and sits up. Leaning over, she pulls up her blinds and leans outside her open window, preparing to greet her crows Phobos and Deimos.] [A scream is heard.] [Rei looks only mildy alarmed as she gets up and sighs.] Rei: Ah, another tragedy has befallen Tokyo, and it is up to me, the ravishingly beautiful Hino Rei to save the day, as only I can. [She removes her henshin wand from her Interdimensional Space Pocket (tm) and transforms into Sailor Mars.] Mars: Onward, to victory! [Switch to a park.] [A man in a black cape, tight black pants, and a partially open black silk shirt is watching a youma-ish monster that is busy knocking people unconcious.] Monster(to man): That is the last one, master. Man: Good. Very good. Start piling them up so we can transport them back to base. Monster(bows): Yes, master. [As the monster starts to gather them up, a fire-laced laser beam strikes it in the chest. It goes flying backwards and lands in a smoking heap several meters away.] [The man looks towards the source of the attack, surpised.] Man: Who the heck are you? [The Sailor Senshi (sans Sailor Moon) are all standing in a row.] Mars: We are the Sailor Senshi! Man: The Sailor Senshi? Mars: Hai! I am the stunning and ravishingly beautiful Sailor Mars! Others: And we are the other Senshi, who's talents and prowress are inferior to the magnificent Sailor Mars! Therefore, she is the important character while we are merely comic relief. [Cut to the lounge.] [Minako and Makoto look ready to kill, but Rei doesn't seem to notice.] Rei(enthusiastic): So there we were, confronted by the horrible evilness that was the Italian Stallion. He attacked us, but I gave him such a beating that he was left running in fear! Then I proceeded to single handedly destroy that pathetic excuse for a youma. And so I saved the day, all by myself, as I am wont to do. [Ami looks ill.] Ami: Wont? Rei: Now you see Minako-chan, *that* is how you do a recap. [Minako grabs Rei's arm.] Minako(seething): If I may have a word with you, Rei. [Minako drags Rei offscreen.] Ami: That narration had absolutly no truth to it, other than the fact that we did destroy the monster. Makoto: Who cares? We're finally able to recap episode two now. [Several pained shouts and curses are heard. Makoto glances and that direction and winces.] Makoto: And since Minako and Rei are obviously... occupied. I guess I'll do the recapping. Cal: Actually, it might be better if I did it, since the first part deals with FALCORP. Makoto(grin): Be my guess, Cal-san. Geez, you're a lot nicer now than you are in the actual fanfic. [Cal shrugs and grins.] Cal: Don't tell Stephanie that. Fade out! [Fade out.] [Setting: A large, plush office.] [A young black woman dressed in a business suit is sprawled in a chair behind the desk, quite obviously asleep. Sitting with her back to a wall, partially obscured by shadows, is another young woman. She is also asleep. Cal appears into the room, but she is transparent, sorta like a ghost.] [Cal walks over to the woman in the chair.] Cal: Here we have Stephanie Hawks, the president of FALCORP and the main bad guy of the series. She's a really wicked chick, but she's got the coolest psychic powers. [Cal points to the woman sitting on the floor.] Cal: That's Stephanie's unnamed bodyguard. Nobody knows what her name is, what her powers are, or even what her purpose in this fic is, but she's here anyway. [She sits on Stephanie's desk and claps her hands.] Cal: Action! [Stephanie and the other woman wake up and look around groggily.] Stephanie(puzzled): How did I get here? The last thing I remember was that I was on my way to a meeting with the staff. Woman(puzzled): Yeah, me too. How did we get back in your office? Stephanie(sighs and stretches): Probably Cal using one of her stupid teleportation tricks again. Remind me to have her shot as soon as this current matter is over. Woman(stands and stretches): Yes, ma'am. Cal(the ghost): Urk! [The double doors to the office open and Italian Stallion strides in. Cal scowls.] Cal(disgusted): That's the Italian Stallion (IS for short). He has to be the most sex-crazed male on the planet, next to Moriboshi Arturu. But at least Arturu didn't have the Stallion's ego. [IS flops into a chair, grinning and props his feet on Stephanie's desk.] IS: Say, Steph, how 'bout you and me have a little fun? You know, I scratch your back and you strip naked and give me a backrub? (winks) Stephanie(annoyed): Get your boots off my desk. IS: Aw, come on, Stephanie. Lighten up a little. [Stephanie starts to rummage through the papers on her desk, setting some to one side and placing others in various folders. She doesn't say anything, but her eyes flare red before returning to normal. The Italian Stallion's boots burst into flames. He yelps and leaps to his feet, quickly stamping his boots to put out the fire. He glares at her.] Stallion(angry): Why'd you do that? Woman: Because you didn't take your feet off her desk, moron. [The Italian Stallion rolls his eyes and glares at a shadowy figure to his left.] Stallion: Don't you ever sleep? [The figure shrugs (well, as much as a shadowy figure can be seen shrugging) and leans against a wall, blending in with the shadows around her in the process.] Stallion(muttered): Man, that's one creepy chick... Stephanie: I'm really ticked at you, Stallion. You seem to have forgotten the purpose of FALCORP. So I will tell you again. We are trying to enslave the Japanese popluation, but do to your imcompatency we are at least two weeks behind schedule. Stallion: Hey, it's not my fault! It was the Senshi! Stephanie(angry): I don't care who it was! I'm giving you one more chance and suggest you take advantage of it! Cal: I told you Stephanie's evil. Stallion: Sure, Steph! Sure! I'll get it done! Just you wait and see! Stephanie: I'm leaving Japan for a few days, so that should be adequte time. Until then, Lupis is in charge. Stallion(incredolous): Lupis! That fur-faced half-human half-wit!? [Cut to the lounge.] [Lupis the wolfcub growls menacengly.] Lupis(thought): When I find that two timing idiot I'll rip his throat out! How dare he say that about me! [Back to Stephanie's office.] [IS has left and Stephanie is talking to the Woman.] Stephanie: Now, to help hurry this recap along, I'm just gonna tell ya what to do, minus all the cryptic stuff. [The woman nods.] Stephanie: I want you to go to the North Pole and find Jaedite, so that I can defrost him and use his knowledge of the Dark Kingdom to help me conquer Tokyo. [Cut to the lounge.] Ami: Now, I know that everyone's thinking "Oh God, not another 'Jaedite returns for revenge' fanfic!" And if fact, Jaedite plays almost no role in this fanfic. Cal: Actually, he was pretty instrumental in episode number four and he affected the events of episode five. Ami: True, but the Author could have easily done without Jaedite and it still would have worked. Cal(nods): Yeah, but then it wouldn't be as funny, would it? Ami(smiles): No, I guess it wouldn't. Makoto: Right around this time, the Senshi and I were visiting Usagi-chan, who was recovering from her having her appendix removed. Luna(dry): Recovering very well. [Makoto and Ami blink.] Luna: Nani? Makoto: How come you're just now talking? Luna(shrugs): Because the Author finally decided to let me have a line. Ami: What about Artemis? [They all turn to look at the other cat. Artemis opens his mouth to say something, then shrugs and shuts it.] Artemis: I just don't have anything to say. Makoto: Hmmm... Oh well. To continue, the Italian Stallion attacked the people outside the hospital while we were there. So we decided to go outside and attack him. Ami: I don't think 'decide' is the word I would use for how we got outside. 'Forced' maybe. 'Caught by surprise' defintly. Makoto: Does it really matter? Fade out! [A monster with three cat heads, the neck of a giraffe, the body of a cow, the legs of a chicken, the tail of a horse, and the arms of an ape is busy spitting webbing all over the people on the street. Near it is the Italian Stallion, busy admiring himself in a mirror.] [The Senshi pull away and share a Look. They look at Usagi (who is still busy shoving food down her throat).] Rei(sighs): I guess Usagi won't be coming with us. *Again.* Minako: Looks like we'll have to deal with this monster all by ourselves. Makoto: Yeah, but it would be a real shame if something should happen to us. [Usagi hesitates, then shrugs and keeps eating.] Usagi(mouth full): Ganbatte, minna! Rei(angry): Why you ungrateful little brat! I'm gonna kill you! [Rei leaps for the bed-- --and crashes into the floor when Minako tackles her.] Minako: You can't kill her! She's our leader! Rei(shouting): Wanna bet? [Rei tries to get up, but Minako puts in her a headlock. They start to struggle.] Minako(to Ami and Makoto): Um, guys? A little help here? Ami(to Makoto): Do we really have to? Makoto(to Ami): Don't worry, I'll handle this. Jupiter Star Power, MAKE UP!! [Sailor Jupiter seperates Minako and Rei. She throws Rei over her shoulder into a fireman's carry.] Jupiter: One down... [Jupiter grabs Usagi, hoists her out the bed, and throws her out the window.] [There is complete and total silence.] Ami(shocked): Oh my God! Jupiter killed Usagi-chan! Rei(muffled): You bastard! Jupiter(nonchalant): I didn't kill Usagi-chan. Minako(frantic): But you threw her out the window! Jupiter(shrugs): And? Go and watch her. She'll bounce. [Cut to outside the hospital. Usagi is still falling. She hits the pavement, bounces a couple of times, and comes to a stop. She looks around, completly amazed.] Usagi: Hey! I bounced! [Cut back to hospital room. Ami and Minako are staring at Jupiter in wide eyed amazement.] Jupiter(smug): I told you so. (heroic) Now, let's get that monster! [With a mad laugh, she leaps out the window with a furious Rei in tow. The remaining two Senshi look at each other.] [Back to the lounge.] [Cal, Luna, Artemis, and Lupis are staring at Makoto in shock.] Makoto(nervous): Alright, so I wasn't particularly sane during that episode. So sue me! Cal: Honey, insane doesn't accuratly fit the description of that scene. Luna(mad): How come I didn't hear about this earlier? [A heavily bandaged Rei and Minako reappear and take their seats.] Minako: I didn't know you were such a dirty fighter, Rei-chan. Rei: Hey, I only fought as dirty as you did. Minako(sour): Yeah, well you didn't have to try to fry my arm off. Rei: Then you shouldn't have tried to give me a hysectomy with that stupid laser of yours. Ami(polite): If the two of you are done arguing, may we continue with the recap? [Minako and Rei glare at one another, ignoring Ami. Ami sighs.] Ami: Oh well. At least we finally defeated the monster and the Italian Stallion. Cal: Yeah, even if it was by scratching up his too-perfect annoying face. Makoto: What did happen to the Italian Stallion? Cal: Stephanie sent me orders to have him permantly removed to the Bermuda Triangle. As far as I know, he's still there. Ami: That doesn't sound very punishing. Cal: It is if you're a sex-crazed maniac stuck on an uninhabited island. Ami(faint): Oh... Makoto: Wow, Cal. In those two sentences you managed to recap the entire third episode. Cal(grin): Every girl's gotta be good at something. [Lupis whimpers. Cal rolls her eyes.] Cal: So I didn't tell them that you showed up in the third episode. (smug) What'cha gonna do? Bite my ankles? [Lupis growls at leaps at Cal, sinking his teeth into her wrist. Cal shrieks and tries to pull him off.] Cal(hysterical): Get im off! Get im off! Get im off! Get im off! Get im off! [Makoto and Ami succeed in pulling Lupis off of her. Cal holds her bleeding wrist and glares at him.] Cal(angry): You better not have rabies, Fur-Face, otherwise I'm gonna kill you! [Cal stalks away. Makoto stands and stretches.] Makoto: Well, we've hit the halfway point. I'm ready for a break. How about you guys? [Ami, Luna, Artemis, and Lupis nod enthusiastically. Rei and Minako have fallen asleep on the couch. Usagi and Mamoru are nowhere to be seen.] Makoto: Right. We'll finish things up in Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes, Special Episode 6.5 part 2! Until then, you guys have a lovely night! [They all wave to the screen.] [Fade out.] Voice: Bwhahahaha! My plan is going perfectly! By the end of this special recap episode, my plans will have been completed and I will reign supreme! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! [Evil laughter fades out.] ******THE END (for now!)****** Criticisms? Comments? Ideas? Send them to me at gelles@yahoo.com This has been a production of Blueberry Enterprises.