Warning: This fanfic is rated PGS for mild swearing and because some parts, and really the entire fanfic, tends toward excessive sillyness. Standard disclaimers apply- I didn't create anything but the bad guys. Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes A continuing fanfic by Kristin Renee Taylor Episode 8: "Insert Dramatic Music Here" [Setting: A convience store.] [Minako, Makoto, and Chibi-Usa are standing in one of the aisles, examining packages. Minako grabs one labeled 'flour.' Makoto takes one that is labeled 'sugar.'] Minako(cheery): I got Mamoru-san's sugar! Makoto(studies package): Um... Minako-chan? That's flour. [Minako examines the package. She blinks.] Minako: No, it's not. Makoto: Yes, it is. Minako: No, it's not. Makoto: Yes, it is. Minako(annoyed): No. It's not. Makoto(annoyed): I think I know what sugar looks like, Minako. (hefts the sugar) And this is sugar. Minako(annoyed): I hate to inform you, Makoto, but that (points to the sugar) is salt. Makoto(angry): This is not salt! This is sugar! (points to the flour) That is not sugar! That is flour! Minako(rolls eyes): Sure, Makoto. And I'm sure you think that almonds and tofu are exactly the same, don't you? Makoto(outraged indignance): What?! How could I possibly confuse those two items? They don't even look the same! [Minako snorts derisvly.] Minako(to Chibi-Usa): And *she's* supposed to be this awesome cook? [Chibi-Usa giggles.] Makoto(angry): Fine, then! We're going to the clerk and *prove* that that's flour, this is sugar, and the salt is nowhere to be found! [She grabs Minako, who flashes Chibi-Usa a quick grin and a conspiratorial wink. The pink-haired girl giggles and follows them.] [Makoto stalks up to the clerk and dumps both packages onto the counter.] Makoto(barely controlled anger): I want to buy the sugar. [The clerk looks at Minako. Minako shrugs and grins.] Clerk: Okay, one package of sugar. [He grabs the flour and rings it up.] Makoto: Uh... you grabbed the wrong package. That's flour. Clerk: I'm sorry, miss, but this is sugar. Makoto(shouts): NO, IT'S NOT!!! [Minako and Chibi-Usa giggle. The clerk blinks at Makoto.] Clerk: I hate to tell you, but this is sugar. [Makoto grabs the sugar and holds it in front of the clerk's face.] Makoto(angry): Let me guess, you think this is salt, don't you? Clerk(nervous): Well... yeah... didn't you? [The entire left side of Makoto's face begins to twitch. She slowly withdraws her arms, not noticing that her fingers have punctured the paper and that sugar is dribbling everywhere.] Makoto(eerily calm): "Salt..." yes... Of course. Minako-chan? Be a dear and pay for the "sugar." Minako(annoyed): Hey! Why do I have to pay for it? [Makoto drifts outside the store, the left side of her face twitching madly. The others watch her go, amused.] Clerk: How long till she realizes that she really is holding the sugar? [Minako shrugs. She leans against the counter and grins.] Minako: I dunno. I think we broke something in her brain. [She giggles and looks at the clerk.] Minako: Thanks again for your help, Sai-kun. I'm really impressed. You didn't even flinch when she yelled at you. Sai: Eh. When you've faced someone like Talpa, an enraged Sailor Senshi doesn't seem so bad in comparison. Minako(nods): I can guess. How are Ryo and the others? Sai: Same as usual. We're all really bored seeing as how we've got nothing to fight against. [There is the muffled sound of Makoto screaming.] Minako: We ought to set up a sparring date, Torrent. We'd kick your Ronin butts so easily. Sai: I highly doubt that, Venus. [Minako smiles sharkily in response. She reaches over the counter and grabs a shopping bag.] Minako: I'll set up a date, Torrent. Then we'll really show you how it's done. Come on, Chibi-Usa-chan. Let's go get some ice cream. [They walk outside and head over to a nearby bench, where Artemis and Lupis are waiting.] Minako: Hey, guys, where's Mako-chan? Artemis: Over there. (points) But I think we should leave her alone. She looks a little... strange. [They all look. Makoto is sitting on the ground some distance away, completly covered in sugar. The remains of the package lies scattered around her. She is smiling vacantly at nothing.] [Minako goes and crouches down in front of her.] Minako: Hello? Mako-chan? [She waves a hand in front of Makoto's face, but the Senshi continues to stare past her.] Minako(blinks): Okay... [She goes back over to the others.] Artemis: Well? Minako: The lights are on, but the microwave's making popcorn. [The trio sigh.] Artemis: That's not how it goes, Minako-chan. Minako: Who cares? Let's go get some ice cream! Chibi-Usa: Yeah! [They troop off, leaving Makoto where she is.] [Setting: The Void.] [Makoto is floating in absoulute blackness. She slowly opens her eyes.] Makoto: Huh? (looks around) Where am I? Voice: This is the Void. Makoto(puzzled): The Void? Where's that? Voice: It's the space between the Author's Head. Makoto: Oh. So what am I doing here? Voice: It's time you learned the Truth, Kino Makoto. Makoto: The Truth? Voice: Yes. The Truth. Makoto: What is it? Voice: You were not supposed to be in the Anime Bushijou Senshi Sailor Moon. You are really supposed to be in Ranma 1/2. Makoto: What?! Voice: Haven't you ever wondered why you could cook so well? And why you can fight so well? And why everyone sees you as a tomboy? Makoto: Well... yeah.... Voice: This is because your real name is not Kino Makoto. Your real name is Kounji Makoto. You are Kounji Ukyo's younger sister. After your mother died, your father tried to carry on by himself. But being a single parent with two daughters and an okonomiyaki cart was far too difficult for him. After Saotome Genma stole his cart, your father became very depressed and gave you and your sister up for adoption. Ukyo has been spending the time chasing down her fiance, Ranma. You have been spending the years here, in Tokyo. [Silence.] Makoto: That is the largest heap of bull that I've ever heard! Voice: Belive what you will, but it is the truth. And, as everyone knows, the truth is over there! Makoto: Where? [She turns around and comes face to face with a ferret. The ferret pulls out a gun.] Bunki: Time to die, Nerd-girl. Makoto: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! [Makoto leaps to her feet, gasping for breath. She is standing in the park. Passerbys are staring at her with alarm. A mother pulls her daughter further away.] [Makoto laughs nervously.] Makoto(embarassed): Don't mind me. Just dreaming of ferrets. [The people slowly walk away, several casting her strange looks over her shoulder.] [Makoto sighs and dusts herself off.] Makoto: I wonder where the others are... [She walks off.] [Setting: A rooftop.] [The air shimmers briefly and then Cal appears. She walks over to the baulstrade and sits on it, gazing down at the street below.] Cal(mutter): This bites. Here I am, searching for some freaky superheroine that doesn't have a head, and I don't have a clue where to begin. [Far beneath her, Usagi's Body is standing outside a cafe, waving its arms at the people within.] Cal(blinks): That's strange. If I didn't know any better I'd say that was Sailor Moon's Body right there. [She stands on the railing.] Cal: That is Sailor Moon's Body! I've got to get it. [She leaps off the railing and vanishes in mid-air.] [Setting: The cafe.] [Rei and Ami are sitting at a booth, one at either side of the table. Rei has her face buried in her hands. Ami is busy making Origami animals out of the napkins.] Rei(muffled): This is impossible, Ami-chan. I've searched every cafe, restaraunt, and eatery. Usagi's Body isn't anywhere! Ami: Moo. (giggles) Rei: I might as well give up now. [The door to the cafe opens and Minako and Chibi-Usa walk in. They spot the duo and join them, Minako with Rei and Chibi-Usa with Ami.] [Ami picks up an origami cow and walks it across the table.] Ami: Moo. (giggles) [She hands Chibi-Usa an origami duck. Chibi-Usa eagerly takes it.] Chibi-Usa: Quack. (giggles) [The two begin playing with the origami animals.] [Neither Rei or Minako notice any of this.] Rei(muffled): Life bites. Minako: Why? Rei: Usagi's lost her head and I can't find it. Minako(puzzled): What? Rei: I said -- Minako: I know what you said. I'm just trying to figure out what you mean by it. Rei: I mean that Usagi lost her head and I lost her body. Minako: That doesn't make any sense, Rei-chan. Rei(angry): I know that, dammit! But that's what happened. [Makoto enters the cafe and takes a seat next to Chibi-Usa. Ami hands Makoto an origami saber-tooth tiger.] Makoto: What the hell is this? Ami: Moo. Chibi-Usa: Quack. [They both look expanctly at Makoto. Makoto looks back at them, then at the tiger, then at them. Finally she shrugs.] Makoto: Roar. [Ami and Chibi-Usa both start giggling madly. After a beat, Makoto starts giggling, too.] [Rei and Minako notice none of this.] Minako: Wait... How do you lose Usagi's body? Rei: It ran off after her head vanished. [Minako stares at Rei. She reaches over and feels Rei's forehead.] Minako(muttered): You don't seem to have a fever. Rei(angry): Cut that out! I'm not sick! Minako: Could've fooled me. [They glare at one another. A loud knock at the window startles them both. They turn and see Usagi's Body standing outside, giving them the finger.] [Minako yelps.] Minako(shocked): Usagi-chan's head is gone! Rei(angry): Duh! What do you think I've been telling you all this time? Minako(shocked): And she's giving us the finger! Rei(angry): Oh great, now her finger fell off. (blinks) What a minute... That's Usagi's body! I've got to grab it! [She tries to leap past Minako, but winds up crashing onto the floor, taking Minako with her. They extricate themselves and climb to their feet.] [Behind Usagi's Body, Cal appears, grabs Usagi's arm, and drags her off down the street. Rei's jaw drops.] Rei(angry): Who the hell does she think she is!? That's my Usagi and I won't let have anyone else have her! Minako: I won't even go into the subtle meanings of that statement. Rei(angry): Shut up, you! [Rei runs out of the cafe and starts to chase Cal.] [Minako looks at the others.] Ami: Moo. (giggles) Chibi-Usa: Quack. (giggles) Makoto: Roar: (giggles) Minako: Yeah... Okay... [She backs away from them slowly, then turns and runs out after Rei.] Minako(shouts): Wait up, Rei-chan! [Shot switches to Cal and Usagi's Body as they run down the street, dodging the people.] Rei's Voice(shouts): Hey! You! Give us back Usagi's Body! Minako's Voice(shouts): Bodysnatcher! Stop! Cal(thought, sarcastic): Oh geez, I'm in trouble now. Hmph. Silly girls. Let's see them follow me from 30 stories up. [Cal dodges into an alleyway and leaps onto a nearby rooftop. A minute later, Rei and Minako enter the alley as well. They look around in confusion.] Cal(shouts): Ha! You silly mortals should know that you can't possibly compete with a FALCORP executive. [Cal laughs evilly and walks away from the edge, dragging Usagi's body with her.] Rei's Voice: I don't think you know who you're dealin with, lady. [Cal freezes, and slowly turns around.] [Sailor Mars and Sailor Venus are standing on the railing, glaring at her.] Cal: Eep. [Mars leaps off the railing and launches into her speech.] Mars: I am the defender of love and justice! On behalf of beheaded bodies everywhere, I'm Sailor Mars! And I'll kick your scrawny butt! [She strikes a dramatic pose.] Mars: Now then, give us Usagi's body! Cal: Not on your life chick. Venus(low and angry): Give us Sailor Moon's body, Cal. Now. [Cal laughs nervously.] Cal(nervous): Oh, sorry, Venus-sama. I didn't notice you there. (gulps) Here ya go. [She pushes Usagi's Body at Venus.] Venus(angry): Now we're gonna kick your butt. Again. Prepare yourself. Cal(alarmed): Oh please don't! I was only following Stephanie's orders! Wait! I can tell you where Sailor Moon's head is. [The two Senshi trade looks.] Mars: Where? Cal: She's being held Doctor Drexyl's lab. In FALCORP. Venus: FALCORP again. (to Mars) Let's get the others and check this out. Mars: Yeah. [Mars leaps off the building, dragging Usagi's body with her.] Venus(angry): You better be right, Cal. Cal: Would I lie to you? [Venus glares at her.] Cal: Urk. Don't answer that. [Venus leaps off the rooftop. Cal walks to the edge and watches them until they are out of sight. She smirks.] Cal: How'd I do? [The air behind her shimmers and the Purple-haired woman materializes. She smiles evilly.] Woman: A very convincing act. Stephanie will be pleased. [They both laugh evilly and vanish.] [Setting: A pool in a lush garden.] [A tall woman with short, sandy blonde hair is reclining in a lawn chair, reading a magazine (Haruka). Another woman with long, sea green hair is floating in the middle of the pool with her eyes closed (Michiru).] Michiru: Hm... Haruka: What? Michiru: I wonder why we haven't appeared in the fanfic yet. Haruka: Maybe because the Author doesn't know enough about us to characterize us fully. Michiru: Since when has characterization mattered to the Author? Haruka: Hm... You've got a point there. [They are silent for a long time.] Haruka: I wonder why we haven't been in this fanfic yet. Michiru: Proably because it is supposed to take place during Sailor Moon R. Haruka: That's true. But since when has continuity concerned the Author? Michiru: Touche. [More silence.] Michiru: Strange... We haven't appeared in this fanfic yet. I wonder why. Haruka: Perhaps it's because the Author doesn't like us very well. Michuru: That't can't be true. The Author likes me quite a lot. And she's starting to like you, even though you are a bit bitchy at times. Haruka: Tis true. [A long amount of silence.] Michiru: Haruka? Haruka: Hm? Michiru: It's your turn. Haruka: Oh yes. (clears throat) You know what Michiru? Michiru: No. What? Haruka: We haven't appeared in this fanfic yet. Michiru: You're right. Maybe it's because she can't think of a way to fit us into the plot. Haruka: What plot? Michiru: Well put, my friend. [More silence.] [There's a flash of light. When it clears, a tall, dark skinned woman with long, black-green hair is standing beside the pool (Sailor Pluto)] Pluto: Uranus. Neptune. It appears as though the Author has a use for you after all. [Haruka reaches into a bucket next to her chair and pulls out a small object.] Haruka: Hey, Puu? Pluto: What is it, Uranus? (annoyed) And don't call me Puu! Haruka: Catch! [Haruka flings a water ballon at Pluto. It connects with the senshi's head, totally soaking her face and hair. She angrily wipes some of the water and damp hair out of her eyes.] Pluto: Was that really necessary? Haruka(smiles): No, but it was about time that somebody did that to you. [Pluto sighs heavily.] Pluto(annoyed): Yes, well, whatever. Come along, you two. [She stretches out her hand and a large key-shaped staff appears in it. She stamps the ground with the haft. Another flash of light and, when it fades, the trio are gone.] [Fade out.] ******THE END****** Criticisms? Comments? Ideas? Send them to me at gelles@yahoo.com This has been a production of Blueberry Enterprises.