Wednesday, Myself, and a Geek

I woke up this morning, early and grey, i woke up feeling like i was alive not just breathing but truely alive i woke up and felt hope, i knew i could define my hope and live the life i missed i woke up, a new day, a day to grasp, hold on and be to feel alive walking down the hall, a long hall, white encasing blue hall, walking down i wondered if my mood would fade, is it possible for my hope to die, to die deep down within my breast where Shylock beats and tries to devalue my innerness which isn’t flying free.

There was sunshine, my life, the sun was warm on my hair which i didn’t wash that day my grey shoes crunched gravel on grey cement the sidewalk streached on before my feet covered by grey shoes am i not swimming through the air on which a scent of grass which is brown by the grey cement, the grey shoes.

The lights were off, and it was dark still he wouldn’t hold my hand and comfort me from the darkness so overhwlming swinging doors led us into darkness and her face was hid from my view i didn’t like to stand in the dark, cold cement, dark, confused, dark, as it hurt my feet slowly the hope, the positive thoughts, were fading, sand and chaff blowing, were fading and when the one small, half a face and some hair, a minimal glimpse was had, they died completely as there was no recognition.

It was to long and i felt tired, emotions drained and the film, what a film, a clumsy attemt, even if it was the crusifixion, a clumsy attempt at manipulation of my exauhsted emotions, i wondered if dogs went to heaven or do they simply withdraw, withdraw into the sorrid state of nothingness, the nothingness decomposing my life? strange things happen in the dark when a poet is next to a man in a black plastic jacket but at least the jacket wasn’t a nehru jacket and when the lights did turn on i heaved a gutteral sigh, glanced left and stared into her eyes, full of recognition and compassion, for then i was alive even though all my hopes had died.