| This Korny Kartoonz site has been rated |
| Please read and agree to the following terms before proceeding into the website. |
 |
| I, under penalties of perjury solemnly declare and affirm the following: I am an idiot, having at most an I.Q. of -100. I am not the FBI, CIA, LAPD, NYPD, SFPD, LAFD, NYFD, SFFD, or any acronym that ends with “PD” or “FD” I am not gay, lesbian, transsexual, hermaphrodite, bisexual, trisexual, quadsexual, pentsexual, hexsexual, and so on. I find the creator of Flapjack McTavish surprisingly arousing.* I am at least 18" tall. I do not find Korny Kartoonz™ offensive in any way possible. I will give $25,000 to the creator of Flapjack McTavish per day.** I have been abducted by aliens and probed.*** The probe is in my anus. My anus is in the front. My front is in the back.**** My name is not Flapjack McTavish.***** I am unsightly and my mother dresses me in a humorous manner I will visit this website 40-50 times per day I will read the fine print before proceeding I understand and state that I am retrieving material of a korny state. |
| * Applies only to women. If you agree to this term and are a male, then you have violated declaration number 3 which states: "I am not gay, lesbian, transsexual, hermaphrodite, bisexual, trisexual, quadsexual, pentsexual, hexsexual, and so on." ** Required only in Russia and some parts of Africa. ***Aliens, here, are defined as extra-terrestrial beings from outer space. Illegal aliens from other countries do not apply here, but if you have been probed by illegal aliens from other countries, then you could, perhaps, qualify if and only if you can provide a proof of probing, which is a paper that declares one of the following: 1. The depth of the probe in your ass from the sphincter, 2. The volume of your scream when the probe was put in, 3. The probe was shoved in, 4. The probe was shoved in gently, 5. The probe was shoved in ungently, 6. The probe was forced in gently, 7. The probe was forced in with great care, or 8. Weather or not the probing was voluntary. If your prober did not bother filling out a proof of probing form you should contact your nearest probing station and ask for a free probing for returning customers. **** Except in most cases where the front is actually considered part of the back since they are both connected by a flab of skin which touches the front and the back, unless you are from a galaxy far, far away, then in that case I would not be qualified to make that decision. Please consult your local physician for information on which side is your front and which side your back is or call toll free 1-800-WHAT-THE-HELL-AM-I. Operators are standing by for your call. All major credit cards accepted. Sorry, no CODs, money orders, IOU's, or anything that does not resemble a credit card. For information on what a credit card looks like call toll free 1-900-I-AM-A-DUMBASS-WHO-DOES-NOT-KNOW-WHAT-A-CREDIT-CARD-LOOKS-LIKE. $10.50/MIN. If after you call this number you are still unsure what a credit card looks like, my suggestion to you is to go to Wal-Mart, buy a shotgun, and blow your brains out. If that doesn't help, call me at 1-800- I-AM-A-MUCH-BIGGER-DUMBASS-WHO-DOES-NOT-KNOW-HOW-TO-BLOW-MY-OWN-BRAINS-OUT and I will personally come to your house and shoot you in the head a couple hundred times, point at you, and go "F*****!" and/or I will whip out my credit card describe every little detail to you, then slice your throat with the credit card, point at you, and go "F*****!" In either case, you will die a very painful death and I will most likely be sent to Hell, which I heard was very, very, very, very warm. So warm you could fry an egg in mid-air and burn it before it hit the floor. If that isn't warm, I don't know what is. *****If your name happens to be Flapjack McTavish, I did no create this website nor do I find this website amusing. In fact, I find this website most disrespectful to you. I want you to know that I am on your side all the way and I will help you personally in bringing down the person or persons responsible for this absurdity. I will also help you think up a new name because if your name really is Flapjack McTavish, you would just have to ask yourself this one question: What on God’s green earth were your parents on when they gave you the name “Flapjack”?? They must have been shooting up molasses straight from the tree, or something but I digress. If you are one of those people who feel proud to have a unique name like that, you should drive (even if you don’t have a license) to your nearest Wal-Mart(or whatever mart you prefer), walk over to the gun section, and tell them you are a messenger of God. You can get up to a 95% discount if the sales clerk is a devout Christian that will believe anything anyone tells him or at least a 10% discount if the clerk is one of those people who feels sorry for all humanity. You could also bore them with the whole I’m-buying-this-gun-not-to-kill-people-but-to-bring-people-closer-to-God routine. Anyways, get a gun, get a tombstone, engrave the words "My name was Flapjack McTavish and I was damn proud of it. So proud I blew my own brains out just so that I could put that on this here tombstone." |
 |