Author: Amber
Email Feedback to: mulders_girl42@hotmail.com
Title: Oh, Little Child
Rating: PG
Author's Webpage: http://geocities.datacellar.net/mulderz_girl
Archive: Anywhere, so long as you let me know :)
Spoilers: Major spoilers for "Memento Mori" and "Christmas Carol/Emily" and if you wanna get nit-picky ;) there is a tiny bit of dialogue from "Home" and "The Rain King".
Summary: Scully learns of Mulder's possession of a vial of her ova and she deals with the emotions which follow...
Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story belong to me. I am not making profit from them and I mean no harm. They are still in the hands of the almighty Chris Carter. No copyright infringement is intended.
*****************************************************************
Mulder watched Scully as she walked through the park by his side. Sure,
she was beside him ... but her mind was elsewhere. He noticed that he
had been carrying the conversation for the past fifteen minutes.
"Scully?" he asked. She turned to face him, a glazed look in her eyes.
She shook her head as if to clear her thoughts. "Yeah, Mulder?"
"Are you okay? You've been kind of quiet."
She shrugged off his concern. "I'm fine... I'm, uh ... just taking in
our surroundings."
"For any particular reason?" Mulder responded.
She sighed deeply and looked at him. Then she blinked, drew in her
mouth and shook her head slowly. "No." She didn't offer any response
other than that. She turned her head and continued walking at her slow,
steady pace.
Mulder continued looking at her. It was difficult to determine her
emotions through her profile. He sighed.
On Mulder's other side was a playground. A set of mothers played in the
park with their children. One pushed her son on a swingset, while the
other tended to her daughter's scraped knee with a strategically placed
bandaid and a comforting hug.
Scully turned in Mulder's direction, but looked past him to the
playground. She smiled. Almost a reluctant smile. A reminiscent smile.
Mulder turned in the direction in which Scully was looking. He suddenly
realized why Scully was behaving this way.
She missed Emily. It wasn't until recently that Mulder began to view
Scully as a mother. It wasn't until recently that this side of her had
shown through her sometimes cold exterior. She wasn't a cold person. It
was her barrier. It prevented her from being hurt. This is why she was
afraid. Afraid to love. She was simply afraid to hold a bond for fear it
would be broken. She wasn't like that anymore.
Having this child suddenly thrust into her life had changed her. A
child she didn't even know existed. She wanted to care for this child
she had found. Her own daughter.
Unfortunately, for Dana Scully, This was a bond that would break. The
same people who created this child - the people who brought this child
into the world as an experiment with no intent of loving her - were the
people that took her away. Hers was a fate not meant to be. She could
not survive the experiment which her life was based upon. She could not
survive herself.
Fox Mulder stood by his distraught partner during this time, watching
her trials and tribulations, her feverish attempts to save this child as
a medical doctor, and her best attempts to bestow love upon this
child.Dana Scully, forced into this situation tried her best to be the
mother Emily needed.
She was never able to accomplish this task. By no fault of her own,
little Emily was taken from her life nearly as briskly as she arrived
into it.
Scully looked up from the mothers at the park. She focused her gaze on
Mulder, the same reminiscent smile on her face. Mulder looked back at
her and returned the smile.
Do you know? Scully's eyes begged the question of Mulder.
He nodded slightly, and placed his arm around Scully, squeezing her
opposite shoulder. Still looking at Mulder, she nodded too. She knew he
understood. She sighed. This time it was a contented sigh of relief. She
was pleased that Mulder understood. She was at ease and comfort with him
beside her. They had this complete, unique understanding ofeach other,
without even having to say a word.
They continued walking, Mulder's arm still around Scully's shoulders.
Mulder knew that Emily had played a huge part in Scully's life. Her
brief appearance had shaped Scully's personality slightly, instilling in
her a mother's intinct, which, Mulder knew was always buried deep inside
her. It was just that the times he saw it emerge were so few before
Emily came into Scully's life.
This little girl had further opened up Scully as a person. She taught
Scully about maternal love. This girl never knew that Scully was her
biological mother. She probably never realized how important a role
she played in Scully's life, but Mulder knew. He had seen his partner
open up as a person.
She had opened up to Mulder during the course of their time together,
but had emerged as a person substantially following Emily's
time in her life. Scully had let her walls down. She was less afraid to
cry, less afraid to reveal her emotions to Mulder, and, he thought, less
afraid to love.
Scully looked up at Mulder. She knew what he was thinking. She knew
that he had seen a significant change in her since Emily's arrival and
subsequent departure.
What Scully didn't think Mulder knew, however, was how much she wanted
a child, how much she wished to be a mother, and how much love she had
left to give. She didn't realize how much she wanted this one thing
until it was taken from her. She didn't realize how much she wanted to
be a mother until she discovered that it was no longer possible.
She likened this to a child who shows no interest in an object until it
is in the hands of his sibling. Then he wants it. She smiled at the
thought.
She wanted a child so much. She wished to love one so much that it
hurt. Under her breath she silently cursed these medical experiments
conducted on her against her free will. She cursed this medical rape
which had left her sterile, unable to bear children of her own.
A woman passed by pushing a toddler in a stroller. Scully suddenly felt
inferior to this woman. She felt foolishly inadequate. She felt a part
of her was missing.
Tears stung her eyes. She blinked and turned her head.
Mulder, sensing that she wanted her space, released his grip on her
shoulder. Without turning to face Mulder, Scully motioned to a nearby
bench and quietly mumbled "I'm going to sit down."
Mulder nodded in agreement at the back of her head. "Okay, Scully." he
replied with as much sincerity as he could muster.
Mulder turned his back and stood motionless for a split second. He did
not attempt to join Scully on the bench. She needed her time alone.
He drew in a sharp breath as he remembered something he hadn't yet told
Scully. Something of great importance. He felt extremely guilty about
not yet revealing this to her, but there was never a right time to bring
it up.
He had a vial of Scully's ova in his possession. He had found them in
the factory which was performing these horrific genetic experiments.
When he thought back on it, it seemed like a morbid thing to do. He
grasped the vial out of instinct. He was trying to save a piece of what
was taken from Scully.
Then he panicked. He left them in the possession of the computer
hacking yet highly-intellegent-in-every-aspect-of-the-word "Lone
Gunmen". The trio of conspiracy theorists were his close friends and
also happened to have a cryogenetic freezer in the back of their
"labratory".
Mulder figured this way they could be kept safe without Scully's
knowledge. Yet, it ached him to know that these ova existed, unbeknownst
to her. He saw the pain in Scully's eyes about the loss of her child,
and her disappointment, her restrained despair, after learning she was
not able to bear another.
He turned his head slightly to look towards the bench on which Scully
was seated. Her arms were crossed over her lap and she stared straight
ahead with an eerily stoic look on her face. She looked up, catching
Mulder's glance, and stuttered "I'm going to back to the office."
"Do you want me to come with you?" Mulder responded.
"No, I'd rather be alone if that's all right."
He nodded. He had heard that line before. It broke his heart to see her
like this. He had to tell her. He wasn't sure how much of a difference
it would make, but he would tell her. Soon.
***** ****** ******
Mulder glanced over at his clock. It was two in the morning. He had
been trying to get to sleep but he couldn't get comfortable - physically
or mentally. He kept thinking back to Scully's state this afternoon. She
was emotionless outwordly, only her eyes could not conceal the sorrow
within her.
Mulder rose to his feet and paced over to the phone. He lifted the
receiver and dialed. It wasn't necessary for him to switch on a light to
view the numbers - he knew the exact location of each in Scully's
telephone number.
The phone rang beside Scully. She was wide awake, but did not answer it
immediately. She did not hear it through the thick mess of troubling
thoughts which clouded her mind. It was not until the fourth or so ring
that it resonated through her thoughts. She slowly reached over and
lifted the receiver.
"Hello?" she breathed into the phone.
"Hi, Scully? It's Mulder. I know it's late ... but I really need to
talk to you."
Scully rubbed her eyes. She swallowed and asked "What's it about,
Mulder?"
"It's just something I think I should tell you in person. Can I meet
you there?"
Scully looked around her apartment. "Yeah... I guess so Mulder..."
"Okay, good. I'll be there soon." He placed the receiver back onto the
stand and hurriedly exited his apartment.
***** ***** *****
Scully waited, seated in a chair in her darkened apartment. She was not
anxious about what Mulder had to say. She did not anticipate a single
word which would soon be emitted from his mouth.
On the phone, the tone of his voice led her to believe that what
he was about to relay to her was imporatant. He sounded... different. It
was almost as if there was a hint of desparation to his voice.
Scully knew she should be anxious. She knew that she should be
feverish with anticipation... but she was not in the mood to give it a
second thought. Whatever Mulder had to tell her, she would deal with it
when it came. She knew Mulder too well than to will herself into shock
over something he was about to say.
She lifted her head and glanced instinctively at the entrance of her
apartment split seconds before she heard three dull thuds coming from
the other side. She placed her feet on the floor and walked over to the
door. Without bothering to look through the peephole, she opened it to
reveal a somewhat distraught-looking Mulder. She motioned for him to
come in, and closed the door behind him.
In her apathy, she had accidentally neglected to change. She was still
clad in her silk night clothes, and suddenly felt the tiniest bit
self-conscious.
Mulder didn't seem to notice. He strided to the centre of her
apartment, and began to pace near her coffee table.
Scully managed to snap out of her lethargic stupor. "Mulder, what is
it?" Her words expressed concern.
He stopped in his tracks and looked down into her eyes. "Scully,
there's something I need to tell you... something I should have already
told you..."
Scully could feel her stomach twist, but her face remained indifferent.
She was clever at hiding her emotions through facial expressions. "What
is it, Mulder?" she asked.
Mulder formed his words slowly. "Scully, do you remember when you first
learned of your cancer?" He did not allow for a response before
continuing. "While you were first in the hospital, the boys helped me
enter the Lombard Research Facility. Scully, experiments were being
conducted there... There were cloning operations..." He trailed off, and
took a seat on her couch.
"Mulder?"
He looked up at her. He continued, his voice breaking. "They had your
extracted ova kept in... in drawers, in metal cryogenic chambers. They
had everyone's. Everyone who was abducted. They had them all."
Her eyes widened in surprise and disbelief. "Mulder, why didn't you
tell me?"
He held up an index finger, cutting any further interjections short.
"I... I pocketed a vial. I know I should have told you sooner... but
there was never the right time. I couldn't just leave them there,
knowing... knowing they were yours." His eyes deepended with sincerity,
visible even through the limited amount of lighting in the room.
Scully stiffened in shock for a brief moment. Trying to wrap her
already crowded mind around these fresh details, she stuttered
"Wh..where are they?"
Mulder dropped his gaze to the floor. "The Lone Gunmen have them.
They're keeping them safe in a freezer chamber in the back of the lab."
Scully, from her standing position, gazed at the top of Mulder's head.
Barely audibly, she said "Go home, Mulder."
Mulder looked up at her. Shame and guilt clouded his eyes. "Scully,
I'm... I'm..."
It was her turn to interrupt him. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she
made no effort to conceal them as they spilled over her cheeks. Shespoke
slowly, and her voice waivered. "Mulder, I need to be alone. I
need to think. I need my rest..."
Mulder rose to his feet. With a brief glance back at Scully, he walked
out of her apartment.
After the door closed behind him, Scully sank to her knees. Sobs
wrenched her small frame.
****** ****** ******
Mulder wandered the streets aimlessly. He knew it was probably not a
wise thing to be doing in the wee hours of the morning, but he needed a
walk to clear his head. So far it wasn't working. A million questions
raced through his head at once.
He attemped to concentrate on the methodic tone of his footsteps on the
pavement.
Thud. What have I done?
Thud. Why was Scully so upset?
Thud. Will she be okay?
Thud. Is she going to forgive me?
Nothing was working. His mind was host to an interrogation room -- and
he was the suspect in question.
***** ****** *****
"Assitant Director Skinner's office. How may I direct your call?"
"Could I speak to A.D. Skinner please?"
"I'm sorry, The Assitant Director is in a meeting at the moment, may I
take a message?"
"Yes, please. Can you tell him Special Agent Dana Scully will not be
reporting in today?"
"Sure. Reason for absence?"
"Illness. Stomach Flu."
"All right, then. Hope you fell better soon, Agent Scully."
"Thanks. Bye."
"Bye now."
The phone clicked in Scully's ear. She placed it back on the hook and
almost instantaneously raised it back to her ear. She input Mulder's
home phone number. It rang twice before the answering machine picked up.
"Hi, this is Fox Mulder. I'm not home right now, leave a message."
Scully, assuming Mulder had already left for work, recorded a message.
"Mulder, it's me. If you get this, please call me. I'm at home."
Scully hung up the phone and hoped that she hadn't hurt him by forcing
him to leave her apartment earlier that day. She had had some time to
think about what he told her, and she really needed to discuss the
situation with him.
She picked up the phone for a third time and dialed in the number of
Mulder's cell phone. If he was at work, he would probably have it turned
on.
The phone rang in Mulder's jacket pocket. He took it out and
answered it with an effortless "Yeah?"
The sound of Scully's voice came through the receiver. "Mulder, are you
at work?"
He sighed. "No, actually. I'm not far from your apartment."
"How far?"
"Right outside the building."
"Mulder, have you been there all night?"
He waited a beat before responding. "Sort of."
"Well, can you come up? I need to talk to you."
"Yeah. I'll be up in a second."
Scully hung up the phone and walked over to the door, anticipating
Mulder's arrival.
When he showed up at the door, restained and solemn-faced, she wished
nothing more than to embrace him, let him know that it was okay, that
she wasn't upset with him. In contrast, she didn't feel that this was in
her character, so she managed with a diluted smile and requested that he
come in.
She started with small talk, asking him "Did you let Skinner know that
you weren't coming in today?"
He responded with a shake of his head. "No."
Scully was a little surprised. "So, you're just not going to show up?"
She added with a slight chuckle "They'll have your ass for that
tomorrow."
He didn't offer any witty retort. He entered the apartment, taking a
seat on Scully's sofa. She paced over and took a seat next to him.
She looked over at him, but he did not return the glance. She continued
anyway. "Thank you." she said. It had been a very long time since she
voiced those words and truly meant them.
He gazed up at her, a look of utter confusion passing over his face.
"Why?" he managed to stammer.
She swallowed. "Thank you for giving me hope. After Emily passed away,
I experienced absolute sorrow. My sorrow was not just over the loss of
this child, but in being aware of the fact that I would never have the
opportunity to bear a child of my own. I was saddened as I would never
have the opportunity to hold, to love and to care for a child which I
brought into this world.
When you first came here and admitted to me that you had a vial in your
possession, I was upset. I was upset because you have known that this
whole time and decided not to let me know. I instantly blamed you for
the sorrow I have experienced the past couple of years." She took in a
breath and continued, saying "However, I now know that you are not to
blame. I am not upset anymore. I understand why you couldn't tell me. It
isn't an easy topic to bring forth.
Also, I have more insight into a probable reason why you did not tell
me. Perhaps, you did not realize how much I wanted a child. I have tried
not to let it show. Only yesterday afternoon did my true feelings escape
my exterior. I think that is why you finally told me.
In conclusion, thank you for giving me hope. I now know it is possible
for me to bear children of my own. I can have the opportunity to hold,
to love, and to care for a child which I brought into this world.
I want that opportunity, Mulder. I want a child. I don't know if you
can understand this..."
Scully trailed off as Mulder picked up the conversation. "Scully, I do
understand. I now realize how much you do wish for a child." He clasped
her hand. "As well as there no doubt in mind you would make a
greatmother." She looked up at him, and they both smiled.
Scully quickly looked away, and sighed. Barely above a whisper, she
said "Yeah, but I need a great father." She knew that she wasn't getting
any younger. She realized that, inevitably, the probability of her
bearing a child of her own was declining.
She also had no doubt in her mind of whom she wished for the father to
be. This man beside her was her everything. He had been with her through
all the trying times in her life, never once leaving her side. There was
not another single person she could ever imagine herself with. She knew
in her heart that Mulder would be a great father. However, again she
didnot feel that it would be in her character to tell him so, so she
remained silent, her head turned from him.
She was slightly startled when he reached over, grasping her face in
his hand, gently turning it to face him. His voice broke as he spoke
slowly, looking her directly in the eye. "I can be that father."
Scully was speechless as a surge of emotions flowed through her. She
reached out her arms and pulled him into an embrace. Tears spilled from
her eyes. A warmth emanated from deep within her. She would bear a child
of her own. She would share a child with the man she loved. Her
soulmate.
She suddenly remembered a poem she had written after Emily's death in
anticipation of a child she never expected to hold. She recited the
words in her mind as her tears continued to flow.
Oh, little child
In my arms
Like an untouched piece of artist's clay
The picture of innocence
Yet uncorrupted by today's society
Oh, little child
What does the future hold?
I wish so much for you
Oh, little child
In my arms
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*******ThE eNd*******~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From - Thu Jan 18 00:36:09 2001
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From: Amber
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Hi! This was actually written before post-Requiems and the donor fic
craze. ;) As a matter of fact, it was my first fanfic (ah, memories!
:)). I just hadn't posted it until now. However, it has undergone a bit
of an edit since the original draft. Anyway...
-------
Author: Amber
Email Feedback to: mulders_girl42@hotmail.com
Title: Oh, Little Child
Rating: PG
Author's Webpage: http://geocities.datacellar.net/mulderz_girl
Archive: Anywhere, so long as you let me know :)
Spoilers: Major spoilers for "Memento Mori" and "Christmas Carol/Emily"
and if you wanna get nit-picky ;) there is a tiny bit of dialogue from
"Home" and "The Rain King".
Summary: Scully learns of Mulder's possession of a vial of her ova and
she deals with the emotions which follow...
Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story belong to me. I am not
making profit from them and I mean no harm. They are still in the hands
of the almighty Chris Carter. No copyright infringement is intended.
*****************************************************************
Mulder watched Scully as she walked through the park by his side. Sure,
she was beside him ... but her mind was elsewhere. He noticed that he
had been carrying the conversation for the past fifteen minutes.
"Scully?" he asked. She turned to face him, a glazed look in her eyes.
She shook her head as if to clear her thoughts. "Yeah, Mulder?"
"Are you okay? You've been kind of quiet."
She shrugged off his concern. "I'm fine... I'm, uh ... just taking in
our surroundings."
"For any particular reason?" Mulder responded.
She sighed deeply and looked at him. Then she blinked, drew in her
mouth and shook her head slowly. "No." She didn't offer any response
other than that. She turned her head and continued walking at her slow,
steady pace.
Mulder continued looking at her. It was difficult to determine her
emotions through her profile. He sighed.
On Mulder's other side was a playground. A set of mothers played in the
park with their children. One pushed her son on a swingset, while the
other tended to her daughter's scraped knee with a strategically placed
bandaid and a comforting hug.
Scully turned in Mulder's direction, but looked past him to the
playground. She smiled. Almost a reluctant smile. A reminiscent smile.
Mulder turned in the direction in which Scully was looking. He suddenly
realized the reason behind her detached behaviour.
She missed Emily. It wasn't until recently that Mulder began to view
Scully as a mother. It was only as of late that this side of her had
shown through her sometimes cold exterior. She wasn't a cold person. Her
rigid demeanor was her barrier. It prevented her from being hurt. This
is the reason why she was afraid. Afraid to love. She was simply afraid
to hold a bond for fear it would be broken. She wasn't like that
anymore.
Having this child suddenly thrust into her life had changed her. This
was a child whom she hadn't previously known existed. Yet, she wanted to
care for her foundling. No matter the cirumstances under which this
little girl was brought into the world, she remained Dana Scully's
daughter.
Unfortunately, for Scully, This was a bond that would break. The
same people who created this child - those who brought her into the
world as an experiment, with no intent of loving her - were the very
people that took her away. Hers was a fate not meant to be. She could
not survive the experiment upon which her life was based. She could not
survive herself.
Fox Mulder stood by his distraught partner during this time. He watched
her as she strived to save the life of this child as a medical doctor.
He viewed her best attempts to bestow love upon this little girl. Dana
Scully, forced into this situation, demonstated her greatest aspiration
- yearning to be the mother Emily needed.
She was never able to accomplish this task. By no fault of her own,
little Emily was taken from Scully's life nearly as briskly as she
arrived into it.
Scully averted her eyes from the mothers at the park. She focused her
gaze on Mulder, the same reminiscent smile on her face. Mulder looked
back at her and returned the smile.
Do you know? Scully's eyes begged the question of Mulder.
He nodded slightly, and placed his arm around Scully, squeezing her
opposite shoulder. Still looking at Mulder, Scully nodded in return. She
knew he understood. She sighed. This time it was a contented sigh of
relief. She was pleased that Mulder understood. She was at ease and
comfort with him beside her. They had this complete, unique
understanding of each other, without even having to say a word.
They continued walking, Mulder's arm still around Scully's shoulders.
Mulder knew that Emily had played a huge part in Scully's life. Her
brief appearance had shaped Scully's personality slightly, instilling in
her a mother's intinct, which, Mulder knew was always buried deep inside
her. It was just that the times he saw it emerge were so few before
Emily's arrival and subsequent depature.
This little girl had allowed Scully to grow as a person. She, however
inadvertantly, had taught a lesson about maternal love. This girl never
knew that Dana Scully was her biological mother. She probably never
realized how important a role she played in Scully's life... but Mulder
knew. He had seen his partner shatter her emotional barrier.
She had opened up to Mulder during the course of their time together,
but had emerged as a person substantially following Emily's
time in her life. Scully had let her walls down. She was less afraid to
cry, less afraid to reveal her emotions to Mulder, and, he thought...
less afraid to love.
Scully looked up at Mulder. She knew what he was thinking. She knew
that he had seen a significant change in her since Emily's time in her
life.
What Scully didn't think Mulder knew, however, was how much she still
wanted a child. He had no idea how much she wished to be a mother, and
how much love she had left to give. Scully herself did not realize how
much she wanted this one thing until it was taken from her. She didn't
realize how much she longed to be a mother until she discovered that the
possibility had vanished.
She likened this to a child who shows no interest in an object until it
is in the hands of his sibling. Then he wants it. Scully smiled at the
thought.
She wanted a child so much. She wished to love one so much that it
ached. Under her breath she silently cursed these medical experiments
conducted on her against her free will. She was disgusted at the thought
of this medical rape which had left her sterile; unable to bear children
of her own.
A woman passed by pushing a toddler in a stroller. Scully regarded
herself as inferior in comparison to this woman. She reasoned that she
was foolishly inadequate. She suddenly felt as if a part of her was
missing.
Tears stung her eyes. She blinked and turned her head.
Mulder, sensing that she wanted her space, released his grip on her
shoulder. Without turning to face Mulder, Scully motioned to a nearby
bench and quietly mumbled "I'm going to sit down."
Mulder nodded in agreement at the back of her head. "Okay, Scully." he
replied with as much sincerity as he could muster.
Mulder turned his back and stood motionless for a split second. He did
not attempt to join Scully on the bench. She needed her time alone.
He drew in a sharp breath as he remembered something he hadn't yet told
Scully. This was something of great importance. He felt extremely guilty
about not yet revealing this to her, but there never seemed to be a
proper time to bring it up.
He had a vial of Scully's ova in his possession. He had found them in
the factory which was performing these horrific genetic experiments.
When he thought back on it, it seemed like a morbid thing to do. He
grasped the vial out of instinct. He was trying to save a piece of what
was taken from Scully.
Then he panicked. He left them in the possession of the computer
hacking yet highly-intellegent-in-every-aspect-of-the-word "Lone
Gunmen". The trio of conspiracy theorists were his close friends and
also happened to have a cryogenetic freezer in the back of their
"labratory".
Mulder figured this way they could be kept safe without Scully's
knowledge. However, it ached him to know that these ova existed,
unbeknownst to her. He saw the pain in Scully's eyes about the loss of
her child. He also noticed her disappointment, her restrained despair,
after learning she was not able to bear another.
He turned his head slightly to look towards the bench on which Scully
was seated. Her arms were crossed over her lap and she stared straight
ahead with an eerily stoic look on her face. Suddenly, she gazed
upwards, catching Mulder's glance, and stuttered "I'm going to back to
the office."
"Do you want me to come with you?" Mulder responded.
"No, I'd rather be alone if that's all right."
He nodded. He had heard that line before. It broke his heart to see her
like this. He had to tell her. He wasn't certain how much of a positive
difference it would make, but he would tell her. Soon.
***** ****** ******
Mulder glanced over at his clock. It was two in the morning. He had
been trying to get to sleep but he couldn't get comfortable - physically
or mentally. He kept thinking back to Scully's state this afternoon. She
was emotionless outwordly, only her eyes could not conceal the sorrow
within her.
Mulder rose to his feet and paced over to the phone. He lifted the
receiver and dialed. It wasn't necessary for him to switch on a light to
view the buttons - he knew the exact location of each in Scully's
telephone number.
The phone rang beside Scully. She was wide awake, but did not answer it
immediately. She did not hear it around the thick mess of troubling
pensiveness which clouded her mind. It was not until the fourth or so
ring that it resonated through her thoughts. She slowly reached over and
lifted the receiver.
"Hello?" she breathed into the phone.
"Hi, Scully? It's Mulder. I know it's late ... but I really need to
talk to you."
Scully rubbed her eyes. She swallowed and asked "What's it about,
Mulder?"
"It's just something I think I should tell you in person. Can I meet
you there?"
Scully looked around her apartment. "Yeah... I guess so Mulder..."
"Okay, good. I'll be there soon." He placed the receiver back onto the
stand and hurriedly exited his apartment.
***** ***** *****
Scully waited, seated in a chair in her darkened apartment. She was not
anxious to hear what Mulder had to say. She did not anticipate a single
word which would soon be emitted from his mouth.
On the phone, the tone of his voice led her to believe that what
he was about to relay to her was imporatant. He sounded... different. It
was almost as if there was a hint of desparation to his voice.
Scully knew she should be anxious. She knew that she should be
feverish with anticipation... but she was not in the mood to give it a
second thought. Whatever Mulder had to tell her, she would deal with it
when it came. She knew Mulder too well than to will herself into shock
over something he was about to say.
She lifted her head and glanced instinctively at the entrance of her
apartment split seconds before she heard three dull thuds coming from
the other side. She placed her feet on the floor and walked over to the
door. Without bothering to look through the peephole, she opened it to
reveal a somewhat distraught-looking Mulder. She motioned for him to
come in, and closed the door behind him.
In her apathy, she had accidentally neglected to change. She was still
clad in her silk night clothes, and suddenly felt the tiniest bit
self-conscious.
Mulder didn't seem to notice. He strided to the centre of her
apartment, and began to pace near her coffee table.
Scully managed to snap out of her lethargic stupor. "Mulder, what is
it?" Her words expressed concern.
He stopped in his tracks and looked down into her eyes. "Scully,
there's something I need to tell you... something I should have already
told you..."
Scully could feel her stomach twist, but her face remained indifferent.
She was clever at hiding her emotions through facial expressions. "What
is it, Mulder?" she asked.
Mulder formed his words slowly. "Scully, do you remember when you first
learned of your cancer?" He did not allow for a response before
continuing. "While you were first in the hospital, the boys helped me
enter the Lombard Research Facility. Scully, experiments were being
conducted there... There were cloning operations..." He trailed off, and
took a seat on her couch.
"Mulder?"
He looked up at her. He continued, his voice breaking. "They had your
extracted ova kept in... in drawers, in metal cryogenic chambers. They
had everyone's. Everyone who was abducted. They had them all."
Her eyes widened in surprise and disbelief. "Mulder, why didn't you
tell me?"
He held up an index finger, cutting any further interjections short.
"I... I pocketed a vial. I know I should have told you sooner... but
there was never the right time. I couldn't just leave them there,
knowing... knowing they were yours." His eyes deepended with sincerity,
visible even through the limited amount of lighting in the room.
Scully stiffened in shock for a brief moment. Trying to wrap her
already crowded mind around these fresh details, she stuttered
"Wh..where are they?"
Mulder dropped his gaze to the floor. "The Lone Gunmen have them.
They're keeping them safe in a freezer chamber in the back of the lab."
Scully, from her standing position, gazed at the top of Mulder's head.
Barely audibly, she said "Go home, Mulder."
Mulder looked up at her. Shame and guilt clouded his eyes. "Scully,
I'm... I'm..."
It was her turn to interrupt him. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she
made no effort to conceal them as they spilled over her cheeks. She
spoke slowly, and her voice waivered. "Mulder, I need to be alone. I
need to think. I need my rest..."
Mulder rose to his feet. With a brief glance back at Scully, he walked
out of her apartment.
After the door closed behind him, Scully sank to her knees. Sobs
wrenched her small frame.
****** ****** ******
Mulder wandered the streets aimlessly. He knew it was probably not a
wise thing to be doing in the wee hours of the morning, but he needed a
walk to clear his head. Thus far it was not working. A million questions
raced through his head at once.
He attemped to concentrate on the methodic tone of his footsteps on the
pavement.
Thud. What have I done?
Thud. Why was Scully so upset?
Thud. Will she be okay?
Thud. Is she going to forgive me?
Nothing was working. His mind was host to an interrogation room -- and
he was the suspect in question.
***** ****** *****
"Assitant Director Skinner's office. How may I direct your call?"
"Could I speak to A.D. Skinner please?"
"I'm sorry, The Assitant Director is in a meeting at the moment, may I
take a message?"
"Yes, please. Can you tell him Special Agent Dana Scully will not be
reporting in today?"
"Sure. Reason for absence?"
"Illness. Stomach Flu."
"All right, then. Hope you feel better soon, Agent Scully."
"Thanks. Bye."
"Bye now."
The phone clicked in Scully's ear. She placed it back on the hook and
almost instantaneously raised it back to her ear. She input Mulder's
home phone number. It rang twice before the answering machine picked up.
"Hi, this is Fox Mulder. I'm not home right now, leave a message."
Scully, assuming Mulder had already left for work, recorded a message.
"Mulder, it's me. If you get this, please call me. I'm at home."
Scully hung up the phone and hoped that she hadn't hurt him by forcing
him to leave her apartment earlier that day. She had had some time to
consider what he had told her, and she decided that needed to discuss
the situation with him.
She picked up the phone for a third time and dialed in the number of
Mulder's cell phone. If he was at work, he would probably have it turned
on.
The phone rang in Mulder's jacket pocket. He took it out and
answered it with an effortless "Yeah?"
The sound of Scully's voice came through the receiver. "Mulder, are you
at work?"
He sighed. "No, actually. I'm not far from your apartment."
"How far?"
"Right outside the building."
"Mulder, have you been there all night?"
He waited a beat before responding. "Sort of."
"Well, can you come up? I need to talk to you."
"Yeah. I'll be up in a second."
Scully hung up the phone and walked over to the door, anticipating
Mulder's arrival.
When he showed up her apartment, restained and solemn-faced, she wished
nothing more than to embrace him. She wanted him to know that everything
was okay -- she wasn't upset with him. In contrast, she didn't feel that
this was in her character, so she managed with a diluted smile and a
request for him to enter.
She started with small talk. "Did you let Skinner know that you weren't
coming in today?"
He responded with a shake of his head. "No."
Scully was a little surprised. "So, you're just not going to show up?"
She added with a slight chuckle "They'll have your ass for that
tomorrow."
He didn't offer any witty retort. He entered the apartment, taking a
seat on Scully's sofa. She paced over and sat next to him.
She looked over at him, but he did not return the glance. She continued
anyway. "Thank you." she said. It had been a very long time since she
voiced those words and truly meant them.
He gazed up at her, a look of utter confusion passing over his face.
"Why?" he managed to stammer.
She swallowed. "Thank you for giving me hope. After Emily passed away,
I experienced absolute sorrow. My sorrow was not just over the loss of
this child, but in being aware of the fact that I would never have the
opportunity to bear a child of my own. I was saddened as I would never
hold, love and care for a child which I brought into this world.
When you first came here and admitted to me that you had a vial in your
possession, I was upset. I was upset because you have known that this
whole time and decided not to let me know. I instantly blamed you for
the sorrow I have experienced the past couple of years." She took in a
breath and continued, saying "However, I now know that you are not to
blame. I am not upset anymore. I understand why you couldn't tell me. It
isn't an easy topic to bring forth.
Also, I have more insight into a probable reason why you did not tell
me. Perhaps, you did not realize how much I wanted a child. I have tried
not to let it show. Only yesterday afternoon did my true feelings escape
my exterior. I think that is why you finally told me.
In conclusion, thank you for giving me hope. I now know it is possible
for me to bear children of my own. I can have the opportunity to hold,
to love, and to care for a child which I brought into this world.
I want that opportunity, Mulder. I want a child. I don't know if you
can understand this..."
Scully trailed off as Mulder picked up the conversation. "Scully, I do
understand. I now realize how much you do wish for a child." He clasped
her hand. "As well as there no doubt in mind you would make a great
mother." She looked up at him, and they both smiled.
Scully quickly looked away, and sighed. Barely above a whisper, she
said "Yeah, but I need a great father." She knew that she wasn't getting
any younger. She realized that, inevitably, the probability of her
bearing a child of her own was declining.
She also had no doubt in her mind for whom she wished father to
be. This man beside her was her everything. He had been with her through
all the trying times in her life, never once leaving her side. There was
not another single person she could ever imagine herself with. She knew
in her heart that Mulder would be a great father. However, again she
did not feel that it would be in her character to tell him so, so she
remained silent, her head turned from him.
She was slightly startled when he reached over, grasping her face in
his hand and gently turning it to face him. His voice broke as he spoke
slowly, looking her directly in the eye. "I can be that father."
Scully was speechless as a surge of emotions flowed through her. She
reached out her arms and pulled him into an embrace. Tears spilled from
her eyes. A warmth emanated from deep within her. She would bear a child
of her own. She would share a child with the man she loved. Her
soulmate.
She suddenly remembered a poem she had written after Emily's death in
anticipation of a child she never expected to hold. She recited the
words in her mind as the tears continued to flow.
Oh, little child
In my arms
Like an untouched piece of artist's clay
The picture of innocence
Yet uncorrupted by today's society
Oh, little child
What does the future hold?
I wish so much for you
Oh, little child
In my arms
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*******ThE eNd*******~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From - Thu Jan 18 00:36:09 2001
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From: Amber 