Driwyt's Web Site

WELCOME

Shithead Interstellar Incorporated Smegma

What We Are Essentially

We are a semi-fictitious company, owned, operated and run (into the ground) by a bunch of people scattered universally, including God (Driwyt, the God of Sarcasm).
Formal InterWeb business commenced on 01/13/98. We have yet to cease activity.

This site, undergoing perpetual metamorphosis, is just one of many media we operate within, and is subject to change without notice - or being noticed. Your statutory rights are, as ever, unaffected...

The description of this site was:
Answers to the Question of Life, The Universe, Everything & Artichokes, and Aerospace Creativity.

What it IS, is the wise words from the SIIS group, who publish a lot of matter,
detritus, merchandise and Eastre eggs. They have quite a few
additional parties, and if you would like more info feel free to contact our nearest distributor at

grandmessiah@yahoo.com

between the hours of midnight to midnight the next day.
Better yet, either:
Gain Honourary Membership or View Those With Honourary Membership Already

A few points from SIIS: We began in late 1995, with "The Roughly Rough Guide To The Nus System", followed on 24/11/95 with "A Truly Rough Guide On How To Exist On Tresed And It's Sister-Brother Planets", which was when they went bust. From the very first we operated from a particular area that has, to our late noticing, connected itself to the WWW and joined the 21st Century.
12/12/95 was "Homework Excuses" with additions of M. Richards, R. Barrett, D. Spanton and I. Kaye. Three days later, "Reasons For Not Doing Anything", with K. Taylor, A. Zmicko, A. Bruerton, S. Sohal, S. Penwright and C. Griffiths.
"Mislaid Misconceived Miscellaneous Ongoing Title" added T. and K. Sharman, A. Truby and J. Barlow, on 17/4/96 when we added a circular R, C and TM thingies. M. Alldrick joined us on 10/1/96 ( three months earlier, but later chronologically) with "The Buttered And Second Rough Version Of The Mislaid, Misleading Stuff Whose Title I Cannot Recall..." and shares supposedly became available, although they were bought up by the company in question - theoretically.
Then came the "Intelligence List", a most unflattering mass of matter ingesting other people, the last copy being printed in three minutes, 23/1/97. Then the local (Htraean-Tresedian) Branch (England-based) was two of 397,000+ doing this kind of thing, along with a follow-on of "Methods Of Avoiding Intense Boredom" in late November 1997.
Beginning in November of the same year but yet to be started, the 9th document - "101 Things To Do With..." - is in dire need of contributions of any nature (desperate worldwide plea, feel free to E-mail below), just add a name and address.
They have now added the Red Tea Company, selling anything worth buying (or not), confirmed in early December when the God Driwyt thought it up. They are also attempting to "surf" the WorldWide Web (as you can see) whilst doing some serious work on aerospace ideas in the meantime.
Any ideas for "Nice Answering Machine Messages" would be appreciated also. During the research period, they also emabarked on "101 Things To Do With Spare Time", which included the assistance from one R. Byrnes, whose personality is considerably perverted but infinitely useful.
During some time in the month of October, in the year 1999, A. Shergill suggested the development of an off-and-on-going project with D. Sharman in a project called A Story Concerning A Man Called Orf ;five months later (which is February), A. Reeve, E. Ng, J. Sewell and others obtained at least honourary membership by working on the diverse "101 Things To Do With A Cucumber" and "101 Things To Do With A Mathematics Lesson" (though not necessarily in chronological order..) whilst located at a well-known but nameless University.
On Monday, the 6th of November in the year 2000, the Company of Shithead Interstellar Incorporated Smegma officially registered the domain name "http://www.siismegma.net" with NameDemo.com in the hopes that, for free, they will never need to worry about losing customers ever again. Hopefully, mistakes have not been made.

Examples of SIIS documents and work, uncomplete as a crude attempt at copywrite laws, are as follows:

Homework Excuses:
1. Dog ate it.
5. Lost it.
6. Nicked by Mafia haddock on bus.
8. God, with all His divine intervention, told me not to do it, so I didn't.
18. I vomited over the original and my pen's crap.
34. I used it for a handkerchief.

The Buttered..... In C# Because Flat Has A Punctured Tyre:
8. Onions, toast and banana splits with cucumber genitals for main deserted court.
14. Yellow elephants're only found in the remote jungles of Wolverhampton.
15. Near Scandinavia on the Outer Hebrides in the Bay of Biscay.
39. Use your imagination to fill in this space.
49.* The longer the chewing gum's under the table, the better it tastes.

A Mislaid...To Say:
1. I wandered lonely as a cloud, forgot my parachute, and fell off.
17. Vampire ate the fireplace.
27. * The grass is blue, the sky is green, and the people around me are strange.
74. Lifesize replicas of Jupiter are on sale at your nearest newsagents.

Obviously, our entire work is not featured here; none of it is considered to be serious, and little is meant to do malignant, malicious harm - however, in these dark, heinous days of Political Correctness, most of the work is not. Unless in a true emergency, don't take any advice above other than lightly. For extended copies, or any ideas on what to put into them to make them better, email at:

Now for the aerospace stuff, as you have no doubt been breathlessly awaiting.

Named Baby, a small helicopter designed for variable manoeuvering at higher Angles of Attack, the airframe is divided into four parts. Starting from nose to tail, there is the cockpit, the dynamics, the fuel, and the fenestron-housed anti-torque rotor. It has a small size, composed of GRP and CRFC for maximum strength and mimimal weight.
Two sponsons, filled with additional fuel, are fitted to a set of hydraulic units to lower them to act as landing skids. These sponsons have aerofoil cross-sections and pylons stressed for loads of upto 300kg each. elevation is - 60 º through + 20º. This is the highest raised level, acting as the imaginary plate used for IGE conditions, allowing a far higher operational ceiling than if the sponsons were not there.
The cockpit is at best rudimentary, with a mechanically connected (Fly By Light redundancy) sidestick on the right and conventional twist-throttle collective on the left of a Helicopter Air-Crash Seat, reclined at 17º for comfort. A single Multi-Function Display is placed on either side of the rudder pedals, for use with the Health Usage Monitor and Full Authority Digital Engine Control systems, and any additional devices fitted to the three fuselage and two sponson pylons.
There are two main blades to the rotor head, although two more blades may be fitted to connections. These are all folding along the elastomeric bearings, allowing for easy storage. The tail rotor is composed of four blades, offset to 55º, fitted inside a fenestron shroud, on which is placed an all-moving rudder and elevons (operating symmetrically for elevators, and differentially for ailerons).
The primary fuel cell is stored inside the tail boom, beneath the exhaust duct and tail rotor drive/ rudder mechanism fairing. It feeds back towards the nose and into the engine, accessed by unlocking and swinging upwards the two plastic panels around it. Air-Air Refuelling is possible using add-on booms fixed to the starboard fuel tank.
Stores that may be carried include FLIR or MMWR pods, or three fuel tanks, or Air-Air Missiles not exceeding 250kg in weight, or Anti Tank Missiles, Air-Surface Missiles, and Anti Radiation Missiles.
Extensions and fuselage plugs can increase passenger loads to two. A full military version named Vexation has RWR, FLIR and armour added, along with a nosemounted cannon (any type and calibre within weight range), plus an AAM pylon is fitted beneath the fenestron shroud.

"Hornet's Nest" is a turboprop-powered drone fitted with ESM and RWRs, along with a FLIR for flying by remote control at a standoff distance of 100 miles. The controller is inside a helicopter which follows at that distance, using the processed data to select targets for five radar-homing missiles. Hornet's Nest is designed primarily to enter hostile air space and destroy Airborne Early Warning and Electronic Warfare platforms in their orbits, denying these capabilities to the enemy during war.
The fuselage is based on agricultural aircraft, with one fuselage and four wing pylons, each stressed for 300kg at 5g.Conformal antennae are fitted to the leading edges and tail surface.

The Low Observable Subsonic Transport Aircraft resembles a miniature F-117, although there is an extra elevator between the tails and the dorsal hatch is explosively jettisoned.
Mesh-covered air intakes feed four small turbojets, with in turn exit through the typical "platypus" exhausts, which are modified to allow for thrust vectoring using elevons behind their trailing edges.
There is a single HUD in the transparent cockpit, although the LOSTA may also be controlled remotely by SATCOM systems. Use of Radar Absorbent Material is extensive, although it is pointed out that the LOSTA is designed to be destroyed after delivering it's payload.
This can be accomplised by landing and manual retrieval, or by low-altitude flight and parachuting out of the back, or any other method decided by the pilot and conditions.

A development of several aircraft is one known as a Leprechaun. This utilises a significant amount of Radar Absorbent Material over a Radar Absorbent Structure, the internals resembling the triangular grids found on the SR-71.
There is a fully electronic, "glass" cockpit that is placed aft of a multimode radar and fire control systems, whilst below it there is a wholly-integrated FLIR coupled to a Helmet Sighting System. The information is processed by dual redundant systems located on either side of the cockpit in Leading Edge Root Extensions.
The Leprechaun has two turbofans located in mounds aft of the cockpit, over the wings, blended smoothly together. These lead into a single ± 40º Thrust Vectoring Control System, which is fitted with augmenting ducts for "turn and burn" capacity in the pitch axis.
On either side of the TVCS there is a pair of surfaces fitted with rudders, but depending on the position of the panels (motion through elevation -10 to +100 degrees). This can be used to give a misleading radar cross section, if the RAM fails to dissuade avionics. These are capable of "snowploughing" by rotating completely inflight or on ground, acting as large airbrakes, when originally horizontal.
The wings are Variable Geometry, utilising the capability of the B-1, Tu-160, Tornado and others, to change the flight envelope to suit speed. All settings are manually requested via HOTAS from the cockpit, not by computer. Slats, flaps, spoilers and 4 VG pylons are fitted to the wings. Stores include four wing pylons, two fuselage pylons and an internal weapons bay, maximum loadings in excess of six tonnes.

As a basic idea for enhancing the survivability of transport and cargo aircraft, missile railings could be fitted to the engine pylons. These, correctly wired to a simple installation, could be used to defend the frontal region of the aircraft using Imaging/ Infra Red Air-Air Missiles whilst putting little additional strain to the wings. By placing them over the engines, no attacking aircraft could be certain that any weaponry was fitted at all.
The use of a tail-mounted radar or radar-controlled weapon could also give an amount of rearward defence, similar to the Vulcan rotary cannon on the B-52 Stratofortress, Il-28 Beagle or World War Two bombers.

The use of cargo aircraft to move military personnel and logistics has been long known: the use of modified cargo aircraft for weapons delivery also has a long history. By modifying a cargo aircraft with self-defence weapons, you could just about create a survivable transport - but it could be taken one step further.
As well as fitting your cargo aircraft with AAM rails and aft cannon, a 360º radar installation, fitted relatively flush to the dorsal or ventral surfaces, would give the transport aircraft an Airborne Early Warning capability. Fitted to an appropriate processor, the information gained could then be transmitted to "friendly" forces in the vicinity. With this sort of aircraft flying about, no enemy could be certain exactly what it's mission, at any one time, actually is, was, or will be.

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