Tenchi Muyo! / Tenchi Universe/ Tenchi In Tokyo
With special guest reviewers:
Locutus of Borg Professor Charles Xavier
Three Bald Guys Review
Tenchi Muyo! / Tenchi Universe/ Tenchi In Tokyo
With special guest reviewers:
Locutus of Borg Professor Charles Xavier
(Theme music fades, lights rise to show PICARD, LOCUTUS and XAVIER sitting in the theater balcony.)
PICARD: Hello, and welcome to "Three Bald Guys Review...". I'm Jean-Luc Picard of "Star Trek: The Next Generation".
LOCUTUS: I am Locutus of Borg.
XAVIER: And I'm Professor Charles Xavier of the "X-Men".
PICARD: Michael and Teal'c decided to take the day off, so the producers called in these two fine gentlemen to substitute. And may I say, you're both just *stunningly* handsome? It's like looking in a mirror...
XAVIER: I was going to say the same thing! But how is it that you and Locutus are both here at the same time? Aren't you...the same person? My telepathic powers are detecting identical thought signatures in both of you...
LOCUTUS: The procedure involved is beyond your mere human understanding...
PICARD: Yeah. What he said.
XAVIER: Ah.
PICARD: (turning back to the camera) Today we'll be taking a look at the three animated series that comprise the so-called "Tenchi Saga", airing on the Cartoon Network--which, as has been stated on this program before, is quite simply THE GREATEST NETWORK EVER CONCEIVED.
LOCUTUS: Resistance to the Cartoon Network is futile.
PICARD: Got that right. The first series is called "Tenchi Muyo!", which roughly translates as "big hair".
LOCUTUS: No, it does not--
PICARD: Shut up. In it, we meet a young man named Tenchi Masaki, who lives near an ancient shrine tended by his grandfather. One day, while exploring a nearby cave, he inadvertantly awakens a "demon" named Ryoko, who had been imprisoned there some seven hundred years ago by one of Tenchi's ancestors. She promptly attempts to kill him, but he's able to fight her off with the lightsaber-like blade of his ancestor.
XAVIER: And just as promptly afterward, she falls in love with him and takes up residence at his home.
LOCUTUS: Go figure.
PICARD: As if this weren't enough, Tenchi's life becomes even more complicated as--through various circumstances--even *more* girls of unusual origin wind up living with him. These include: Ayeka, princess from the planet Jurai, who becomes Ryoko's chief rival for Tenchi's affections; Sasami, Ayeka's perky younger sister and cook extraordinaire; Mihoshi, a ditzy Galaxy Police detective; the scientist/inventor Washu--
XAVIER and LOCUTUS: (in unison) --the greatest genius in the universe!--
PICARD:--and Ryo-ohki, a small rabbit/cat-like creature that can turn into a spaceship. Seriously.
LOCUTUS: Species 5870. Colloquial designation: "cabbit".
PICARD: Right. Anyway, we follow the group's exploits, which run the gamut from babysitting to outer space adventure. The stories are told with a goodly amount of humor, but the series also shows a pleasantly surprising bit of depth to the characters, as well. To be honest, it's just plain...charming. The animation is very well done, and some intriguing plot ideas are set up...
LOCUTUS: Particularly those involving the secrets that certain characters are keeping...
PICARD: Sadly, though, the series ends after only thirteen episodes.
XAVIER: We haven't been this bummed about a series being cut off since "Automan" went off the air...
PICARD: Hey, that's *my* shtick!
LOCUTUS: Your sentimentality is pointless...for the saga continues with the second series, "Tenchi Universe". Somewhat. You see, this series is not a sequel to the first one; it is, rather, a "reboot" of sorts. The same basic premise and characters are here, but some of the particulars have been changed--how the characters first meet, certain aspects of their histories, etc...
XAVIER: It's still "Tenchi", but not quite the *same* "Tenchi".
LOCUTUS: Precisely. Tenchi's father and grandfather play larger roles in this series, and a new character is introduced: Kiyone, Mihoshi's long-suffering partner in the Galaxy Police. The early episodes contain the usual...I believe the term is "hi-jinks"...as Ayeka and Ryoko continue fighting over Tenchi, to his utter befuddlement, and the group finds themselves in various outlandish situations. But the series reaches its stride when Tenchi and company head off into outer space. Ayeka, you see, has been branded a traitor by the new ruler of the planet Jurai, and she and her allies become hunted fugitives as they try to determine just who is behind all of this.
PICARD: I actually found myself looking forward to each new episode once that space storyline started heating up...
LOCUTUS: Overall, this series lacks a bit of the depth of "Tenchi Muyo!"--the main exceptions being some character-defining moments involving Ryoko later in the series--but it makes up for that with the sheer scope of its tale. And it certainly benefits from the fact that there's a defined beginning, middle and end.
XAVIER: Which brings us to the last of the three series, "Tenchi In Tokyo". Here, we're given yet *another* "reboot" of the "Tenchi" concept, with a new origin and new tweaks to the characters. This time around, the girls have been living with Tenchi for a couple of years, and he decides to leave home and head off to school in Tokyo. There, he meets Sakuya, a young girl who promptly sets her sights on him--much to the consternation of Ayeka and Ryoko, who constantly try to horn their way into Tenchi's new life. But Sakuya's holding a secret--one that even she isn't aware she has. And behind all of this is the villain of the piece, a young girl named Yugi, who lurks in another dimension--
PICARD: --or something like that--
XAVIER: --and who sends her minions to battle Tenchi and the girls for reasons that are only gradually revealed. Can our heroes rally together in time to defeat Yugi? Will Tenchi find true love? And who the heck came up with the notion of having Ryo-ohki tranform into a giant pink "Gundam Bunny"?
LOCUTUS: I liked the "Gundam Bunny"!
XAVIER: (rolling his eyes) Overall, though it has its moments, "Tenchi In Tokyo" is the weakest of the three series. The storyline isn't quite as interesting; Tenchi's grandfather--one of the more interesting characters of the earlier series--becomes a virtual non-entity; and, while the earlier series have a pleasant goofiness to them at times, this one strays into the realm of flat-out wackiness.
LOCUTUS: Wack has been achieved.
XAVIER: It's not really a *bad* thing, per se, just kind of jarring.
PICARD: Be that as it may...now we get to the real question, the question that's driven the "Tenchi" concept through three incarnations: who should Tenchi pick, Ayeka or Ryoko? Personally, I think he should choose Ayeka. Sure, she can be a bit prudish at times, but her heart's in the right place. And she's willing to fight for those she cares about...
XAVIER: (shaking his head) I'm afraid I have to disagree. Ryoko is clearly the superior choice. She began as a somewhat villainous character, but her feelings for Tenchi led her to change her ways--well, a little. She deserves him more for that effort.
PICARD: No way. It's Ayeka.
XAVIER: Ryoko.
PICARD: Ayeka!
XAVIER: Ryoko!
PICARD: AYEKA!!!
XAVIER: RYOKO!!!
LOCUTUS: Ayeka and Ryoko are irrelevant.
(PICARD and XAVIER stare at him.)
LOCUTUS: Tenchi should wait for Sasami to grow up. She's the only halfway sane person in that house.
XAVIER: (rolling his eyes) Yeah, whatever.
PICARD: Oh, please.
(LOCUTUS reaches out toward PICARD and XAVIER, and tubules shoot out from his forearms, sinking into their necks. Their skin begins to discolor and their eyes glaze as they become "Borged".)
XAVIER and PICARD: (in unison) Yes, Sasami would be the best choice.
LOCUTUS: Exactly.
LOCUTUS, XAVIER and PICARD: (in unison) In closing..."Tenchi Muyo!" earns four out of five stars. "Tenchi Universe" earns three-and-a-half stars. "Tenchi In Tokyo" earns two-and-a-half. This transmission of "Three Bald Guys Review..." will now terminate...We are Borg. Goobers are irrelevant.
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