MITCH: Hello, and welcome to the inaugural edition of "The Imp Report". I'm Mitch--

LARRY: And I'm Larry! Glad you could join us!

MITCH: (shuffles the papers in front of him, then looks seriously into the camera) Gungans. A name that strikes fear into the hearts of...no one. Some consider them wacky. Some consider them irritating.

LARRY: And some consider them ssssssexy!

MITCH: (quirking an eyebrow) Excuse me?

LARRY: That's what all the ladies are saying. It's those big floppy ears. Something about men with big ears having big--

MITCH: Whoa! Hold up, there! You want us to get busted back down to Trash Compactor Maintenance?

LARRY: I'm just saying--

MITCH: ANYway...(throws a stern look at LARRY)...There's one word that's not often heard about the Gungans in public. A word that, until now, has only been spoken in whispers. In rumors. That word...is cannibalism.

LARRY: That's right, Mitch. For years, there have been sketchy reports about this hideous Gungan practice, tales of them eating their young--but, lacking any real evidence, such reports have always been written off as urban myth. That ends today. We've obtained definitive, photographic evidence...But be warned--it's quite graphic.

MITCH: Citizens, if your children are watching this broadcast, you may wish to cover their eyes...

(MITCH and LARRY are silent, their faces haunted.)

LARRY: I...we...(he looks away, his voice cracking) I'm--I'm sorry. I just need a moment...

MITCH: (patting LARRY on the shoulder) Nothing to be ashamed of, my friend. (he looks back into the camera) Citizens, we've all heard the popular view of the Gungans--that they're "kid-friendly". But I ask you, is *this* kid-friendly?! :

(LARRY goes even paler, and he staggers away. The sounds of his retching can be heard off-camera.)

MITCH: We've seen all the merchandise: the Gungan plush toys; the Gungan beanies; the Gungan alarm clocks and pillow cases and bedsheets and action figures. But given this latest evidence of their barbarism, we cannot expose our youth to this corruption any longer. The Emperor has called for the immediate destruction of all Gungan merchandise--

LARRY: (weakly, from off-camera) Even the ones in the limited-edition tri-lingual holographic packaging?

MITCH: *Especially* the ones in the limited-edition tri-lingual holographic packaging. In addition, the Emperor has decreed that all Gungans are to be liquidated on sight. The recommended weapon is the thermal detonator--simply for the satisfying "boom" it makes, and the bonus of seeing Gungan bits scattered everywhere...

(LARRY walks uneasily back into view, sits back down at the anchor desk.)

MITCH: If you do attempt to eliminate a Gungan, please exercise caution. They *can* be wily. But not usually. And remember--have fun!

LARRY: Thanks...thanks for joining us, folks. Until next time...

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