'Twas the night before Boonta, and on Tatooine,
young Luke (aged just five) was causing a scene.

"He's real!" he pouted, as he faced Uncle Owen.
"Old Ben told me so--no hot air was he blowin'!"

"That crazy old man," Owen said with a sneer.
"Boonta Claus is a myth; don't believe all you hear.

"Now pod-racing--THAT'S what this day's all about!
I could watch that all day, and never tire out.

"Now go do your chores, you whiny young brat.
I'll hear no more 'Boonta Claus' business, got that?"

Aunt Beru scowled at Owen and said,
"Keep talking that trash, and I'll cave in your head."

She smiled then at Luke. "Boonta Claus is no myth.
"He'll visit us tonight, as stealthy as a Sith.

"He'll leave us some gifts, and then he'll retreat,
and we'll leave him blue milk and cookies to eat.

"Now go do your chores, and then off to bed,
while I 'chat' with this idiot husband I wed..."

As Owen backed off, his face tinged with fear,
Luke dashed away filled with holiday cheer.

Later that night, after both suns had set,
Luke lay in bed wondering what gifts he'd get.

(Meanwhile, ol' Owen had to sleep on the couch.
Served him too right, the cranky old grouch...)

Elsewhere, across that world very dry,
others prepared for that Boonta Claus guy.

Stockings were hung, and chimneys were swept,
in hopes they'd be visited while everyone slept.

And things were happening on another world, too;
far from Luke, Owen, and Auntie Beru.

Way out there in the depths of dark space,
was a world called Hoth, a desolate place.

And up near that frozen world's icy north pole,
was a workshop where making gifts was the main goal.

In red coat and hat, Boonta Claus oversaw
the work of his ELF-droids, he wanted no flaws.

He looked much like Yoda; they could have been bros.
(And maybe they were; who the heck really knows?)

He watched the droids work as he did every season,
not knowing one harbored thoughts verging on treason.

ELF-2 was the renegade droid of the shop,
filled up with bitterness, right up to his top.

He grumbled to all, "Every year it's the same.
WE do the work, and HE gets the fame!

"This year I say it's time to rebel!
Down with The Man! Let's jingle his bell!"

The others ignored him; they'd heard this before.
And truth to be told, they all thought him a bore.

But ELF-2 had plans, this year things would be new.
He'd laid out a scheme--he knew just what to do.

As they loaded the gifts onto Boonta Claus's sleigh
ELF-2 stowed aboard, hiding out of the way.

They tethered eight tauntauns to the front of the vessel.
The stench was much worse than the spice mines of Kessel.

Then Boonta Claus jumped right up into his seat,
picked up the reins and stamped his small feet.

"On Neeson! On MacGregor! On Portman and Lloyd!
On Hamill! On Fisher! Let's head for the void!

"Pull, Ford, pull! And Lucas, lead the way!
We've places to be, so let's have no delay!"

They raced o'er the snow then rose into the air,
heading for space on a wing and a prayer.

They sped through the starscape as though running a race--
moving so fast, they hit hyperspace.

And as the stars stretched in a dazzling display,
ELF-2, still hidden, knew that this was his day.

Revenge would be his, he had only to wait.
A short while more, and he'd seize his new fate.

The time ticked away (as time's wont to do),
the stars stretched again, and their journey was through.

Before them hung Tatooine, sandy and dry;
and Boonta Claus steered right down into its sky.

Over the deserts and dunes the sleigh soared,
a sight so monotonous, ELF-2 grew quite bored.

Then there were lights--a small farm up ahead!
"First stop of the night," Boonta Claus gaily said.

He landed and carried his gift sack inside.
And if droids could grin, ELF-2 would have grinned wide.

When Boonta Claus vanished from optical scans,
ELF-2 climbed from hiding and launched his foul plans.

He took up the reins and he gave them a snap,
and launched toward the air, a victorious chap!

He cackled with glee. "Ah, revenge is so sweet!
I've left him marooned, what a glorious feat!

"The other ELFs, they'll sing great songs of this day!
I've liberated us! Ah, calloo! Ah, callay!"

Meanwhile, ol' Boonta Claus, back on the farm,
heard the sleigh leave and was filled with alarm.

He dashed back outside and he saw his bad luck,
threw down his gift sack and shouted, "Ah, f(BLEEP)!"

He cursed for awhile and then he calmed down...
and started to think, with a deep, pensive frown.

"Ah!" he realized. "I'll just go see Old Ben!
He owes me a favor from way, WAY back when.

"Surely he'll help me retrieve my lost ride,
and wring an excuse from that little droid's hide.

"But how to get there? 'Tis a long walk for sure..."
Then Boonta Claus realized he had just the cure.

He reached in his gift sack and pulled out--a swoop!
He fired that hog up and gave out a loud whoop.

He rocketed off, then, at dizzying speeds,
racing past sand dunes and tumble-blown weeds.

And there we must leave him (we'll revisit him later)
as we turn our eyes back to that little droid traitor...

Continued...