ELF-2 was shooting toward orbit, quite fleet,
when suddenly the tauntauns all started to bleat.

It startled ELF-2 from his grand old daydreams,
and when he looked up, he let out a droid scream.

A huge ship was bearing right down on the sleigh!
And there was no chance to steer out of the way...

Clanging and screeching, the two craft did meet,
and ELF-2 was panicked right down to his feet.

A big tangled mess--sleigh, tauntauns and ship--
tumbled straight down, caught in gravity's grip.

They fell toward Mos Eisley--had their doom now come?
Were they all to die in this hive of pure scum?

The big ship plowed tail-first into the town square,
and many years later, it still rusted there...

The sleigh was thrown clear by the shock of the crash,
and landed nearby with a clang and a bash.

ELF-2 crawled out with his mind still a-spin,
staggering 'round like a man drunk on gin.

The tauntauns, meanwhile, got up off of their rumps
and took to the air with a powerful jump.

"Come back, you guys!" ELF-2 called angrily.
"What of my plans? C'mon! What about me?!"

The tauntauns ignored him, the sleigh sped from sight,
vanishing off into Tatooine's night.

His grand hopes now ruined, the little droid fink
said to himself, "Man, I need a drink..."

He entered the first drinking hole he could find,
but the bartender scowled, "Hey, we don't want your kind!"

ELF-2 walked boldly into that dark place,
grabbed the man's shirt and snarled into his face:

"Get me a drink man, and do it yourself.
I've had a rough night, SO DON'T MESS WITH THE ELF!!!!!"

The bartender backed off and started to toil,
and poured out a glass filled with green motor oil.

ELF-2 walked off with his drink now in hand,
and sat at a table right near the bandstand.

An alien came over and sat down near him;
a floppy eared gent whose long face was quite grim.

"What do you want?" ELF-2 said with a glare.
"I don't recall giving you leave to sit there."

The alien sighed then, a deep, mournful sound;
quite in his cups, he'd drunk too many rounds.

He slurred, "Folks-a hate mesa. Tell mesa why...
'ol Jar Jar Binks is-a not a bad guy..."

"Pal, I don't know you," ELF-2 did intone.
"Leave me be, now, I've got troubles of my own."

Jar Jar went on as though he hadn't heard,
growing more bitter with each passing word:

"For years mesa put up with slurs and abuse...
and then mesa realized it just was-a no use.

"LET them hate mesa--'cause mesa no care!
Mesa hopes they all die--DIE in the CHAIR!"

His head then slumped down and he started to snooze,
finally succumbing to all of that booze.

"Man, what a loser." ELF-2 shook his head.
He downed his green drink, then drank one that was red.

Shot after shot he chugged down as time passed,
then got up to leave--but he did so too fast...

The room seemed to spin. He bumped into someone;
and next thing he knew, the guy pulled out a gun!

"Greedo!" the bartender shouted. "You fool!
No blasters here! C'mon, you know the rules!"

"Bump into ME?" Greedo snarled at the droid.
"Big mistake, man. Say hello to the void!"

The Rodian fired, but the shot went quite wide;
so over and over and over he tried.

Shot after shot, the results were the same.
ELF-2 said, "Wow, dude, go work on your aim..."

The droid walked away amidst bright laser bolts,
but never got singed by that Rodian dolt.

ELF-2 slipped out, went back out to the street.
Not knowing where to go, he just followed his feet.

For a very short time he just wandered about,
then found a dark alley and promptly passed out.

When he awoke, he became quite surprised--
he was now moving, being pulled, he surmised...

Yes...those were Jawas that pulled on his arms,
dragging him off...they no doubt meant him harm.

He jumped to his feet and he shouted, "Hey! Hey!"
But they circled him; he could not get away.

He shook an arm loose. "Man, if I'm going down,
I'm taking you with me, you small, hooded clowns!"

He tore one's cloak off and he gasped in pure shock.
Beneath those dark robes lurked...a cute Sand Ewok!

"No!" ELF-2 shouted. "It cannot be true!
You beasts can't be everywhere! Can you? CAN YOU?!"

Then he was hit by a bright ion blast,
and everything went black--it went black really fast...

He woke up inside a sandcrawler's droid hold,
but he was determined to NEVER be sold!

Things might look grim now that he had been caught,
but that would all change once he hatched his next plot...

(But that plot's a tale for another day, friend--
just know that ELF-2's story's not at an end...)

Continued...