Meanwhile, way off 'cross that desert so brown,
Boonta Claus ('member him?) slowed his swoop down.

He'd flown that swift swoop bike with consummate skill.
(Okay, maybe ONE dragon was now roadkill...)

But now he'd reached Ben's and he came to a stop,
and jumped from his seat with a small, agile hop.

He went on inside and he found his old bud,
and dropped his gift sack with a clattering thud.

"Benny!" he shouted. "You great bearded lug!
Come over here and let's give us a hug!"

Old Ben was startled. "Hello, Boonta Claus!
You're here a bit early; what could be the cause?"

"My sleigh has been stolen; can you help me out?
An ELF-droid ran off with it--man, he's a lout!"

"Sure I can help," Ben replied with a nod.
"You want me to smack the droid with a big rod?

"Or cut him all up with my glowing lightsaber,
and give all the pieces to all of my neighbors?

"Or how about I crush him with the power of the Force?
The choice is all yours--he's YOUR droid, of course..."

Boonta Claus said, "I admire your zest.
But let us just catch him; I'll handle the rest."

"As you wish, friend; whatever's convenient.
Though you, dear B.C., can be far, far too lenient...

"Hang on a sec while I go grab my cloak,
and we'll teach your rogue droid that grand theft is no joke."

As Boonta Claus waited, he had a look 'round,
and saw envelopes crumpled up on the ground.

"What are these, Ben?" he asked when Ben came back.
"Why aren't they piled in an orderly stack?"

"They're from all my 'fans'," Ben said with a sneer,
"who liked my Clone Wars role and tracked me down here.

"They feel I should care what they think of that gig.
I really just don't, 'cause my ego's so big..."

Boonta Claus stared. "What's up with you, dude?
Man, that's a really piss-poor attitude..."

He would have said more, but outside came a clatter,
and Boonta Claus dashed out to see what was the matter.

There were his tauntauns, with sleigh right in tow!
"There you are, guys! Where the heck did you go?

"And where's that darn ELF? Well...it matters not, now--
I'm really just glad that you ditched him somehow."

He turned back to Ben. "Guess I won't need your aid.
Now I must dash; I've been too long delayed.

He grabbed up his gift sack and hopped in the sleigh,
settling himself to head off on his way.

He tossed Ben a gift. "See you next year, Jedi!"
Then he sped right off into the dark sky.

All the night long he criss-crossed that bleak world,
leaving his gifts for the boys and the girls.

Then he flew home, back to Hoth and his shop,
another year done--now to sleep he did drop...

...The next morn on Tatooine, people awoke,
and opened their gifts from that Boonta Claus bloke.

And on the Lars homestead, young Luke did the same,
filled with excitement that couldn't be tamed.

He opened his gift, then he gave a large frown.
"What the hell's this?" And he threw the box down.

"A bionic hand? Jeez, these things are no fun!
They're so very useless--I'll never need one..."

-----

And now we are done, our tale, it is through;
and if Lucasfilm sees this: please, Please, PLEASE don't sue!

'Twas all just a lark; I just did it for fun.
And on that final note...HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE!!!!!!