Day 1:

The Trade Federation has invaded. This sucks, big time. I mean, sure, lots of people are dying, and stuff, but the worst part of it? The communications blackout. How's a girl supposed to keep up with her soaps if the broadcast can't get through?

Day 2:

After making my journal entry yesterday, the Queen, myself, and the rest of the entourage were rescued by a couple of hunky Jedi and a Gungan. We've escaped Naboo and are en route to a planet called Tatooine.

Day 3:

Still en route to Tatooine, and the novelty of the road trip is wearing thin. I'm having to share a room with the other handmaidens--not fun. Eirtae snores like a buzzsaw, and if I have to watch Sabe chewing her toenails one more time, I swear I'll stuff her out the airlock. On the plus side, though, I think I've caught that younger Jedi, Obi-Wan, checking me out a couple of times. Maybe I'll invite him to the room so he can show me his lightsaber. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

Day 4:

Crash landing! Something went wrong when we entered Tatooine's atmosphere. We came down hard. Everyone's dead except for me, Eirtae, Sabe, Jar Jar and the droid, R2-D2. It figures--just when I meet a nice boy...

Day 5:

After much debate, we decided to scrounge what equipment we could from the ship and sell it at a nearby settlement, Mos Espa. Surprisingly, Jar Jar took command of this operation. He seems to have undergone a radical personality shift. Eirtae thinks he may have suffered some sort of head injury in the crash; whatever the reason, I must say that I've never seen such a keenly analytical mind at work. Plus, he's got those big floppy ears that are just so cute!
We sold the parts to a junk dealer named Watto. Goofy-looking little guy. While he and Jar Jar were dickering, the other girls and I had to listen to Watto's young slave, Anakin, hitting on us. "Are you angels?" he said--like I haven't heard *that* one before....After twenty minutes of listening to this crap, I told him that I *was* an angel: the angel of death, and I was here to claim him and his entire family. He ran away, crying. The other girls glared at me.

Day 8:

We're staying in a small flat, while Jar Jar takes some of our money and bets it on the pod races. This is kind of a rough town, so the girls and I have been honing our fighting skills. And working on our tans.

Day 20:

Jar Jar is a GENIUS! He's already managed to parley the small amount we got from Watto into a fortune, betting on the races. He's purchased a fortified manor house just a few minutes outside the city. Huge, ornate place. Love it.

Day 35:

Jabba the Hutt has sent a couple of his goons to attempt an assassination on Jar Jar. Seems old J.J. beat the Hutt in a game of Sabacc--and Jabba was none too pleased. Sabe, Eirtae and I took care of the would-be assassins pretty easily, though. If they're the best Jabba has to offer, we should have no troubles.

Day 64:

Jar Jar has begun to make his move against the ganglords. Breaking them financially, or, when more violent methods are needed, sending in me and the girls. We're getting a LOT of work, these days...

Day 72:

The last of the ganglords has fallen. Jar Jar, for all intents and purposes, is now the ruler of Tatooine.

Day 90:

Jar Jar unveiled the next step of his plan to us, today. It caught us all by surprise. It's bold, I'll give him that much. But if anyone can do it...

Day 100:

We're on our way to Coruscant. Jar Jar's contacts have led him to the conclusion that Supreme Chancellor Palpatine is in fact the Sith Lord Darth Sidious. That complicates matters, but Jar Jar is determined...

Day 101:

We've arrived on Coruscant. With R2-D2's help we broke through the security measures of Chancellor Palpatine's residence--only to find him ready and waiting. Jar Jar went after Palpatine, or Sidious, or whatever you want to call him. That left Sabe, Eirtae and I to face Palpatine's apprentice, Darth Maul.
What a pansy. "Ooooh! Look at me with my scary tattoos and my double-bladed lightsaber!" We had him down on the floor in five minutes. When we went to look for Jar Jar, we found him--looking rather satisfied--in another room, next to a broken window There was no sign of Palpatine, and we were hundreds of stories above the ground. We didn't ask any questions.

Day 102:

Jar Jar has been in a good mood all day. I haven't seen him this happy since he fed Jabba to the Sarlacc. The girls and I were given the day off, to go see the sights. Kind of boring, really; if you've seen one towering skyscraper, you've seen 'em all.

Day 103:

Jar Jar has begun to turn his attention to the other members of the Senate.

Day 105:

The rest of the Republic Senate has been...dealt with. Jar Jar has now become the undisputed Emperor of the galaxy. Sabe, Eirtae and I are now the Emperor's Hands. I love my job. The Jedi have started to make some noise about the whole thing, but I think we'll be able to handle them...

LONG LIVE EMPEROR BINKS!

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