PALPATINE: Please, be seated, be seated.

(The officers sit.)

PALPATINE: Gentlemen, you're probably wondering why I've called you here. After all, there are rebels to hunt down and exterminate. Even as we speak, Vader is launching an assault against one of their bases on Hoth. But I've had a vision, gentlemen. A vision that will allow us to eradicate the rebels once and for all. It's time for a new superweapon. And I call this weapon...the Death Star "Special Edition"!

(PALPATINE pushes a button on the table's control panel, and a hologram of the Death Star appears in mid-air in the center of the table. The officers stare at it.)

PALPATINE: (menacingly) This is the part where you applaud my genius, gentlemen...

(The officers exchange glances with each other, and offer up some uncertain applause.)

PALPATINE: Thank you, thank you. As you can see, this "Special Edition" Death Star is better in every conceivable way than the original. Bigger, more powerful....I'm excited, gentlemen. And you should be, too.

(One general raises a hand.)

GENERAL #1: Sir, forgive my asking, but...why a new Death Star?

PALPATINE: Well, back when we made the original Death Star I didn't have the time or the money to construct the unstoppable engine of destruction that I'd originally envisioned. Now I can. The technology has finally progressed to the point where I can economically make the station I always wanted.

(An admiral speaks up.)

ADMIRAL #1: Sir, I'll concede that there are some impressive new elements to this new design, but what was wrong with the original? I mean, it worked. Except for that bit with the exhaust port, of course. Alderaan was destroyed--an entire world was swept away by the power of that station...

PALPATINE: Well, sure it *worked*. But this one will work *better*. Bigger laser blasts, bigger explosions....And really, can you go wrong with bigger explosions?

(Another general raises his hand.)

GENERAL #2: (a bit sheepishly) But I liked the original Death Star.

(PALPATINE gives him an almost pitying look.)

PALPATINE: Yes, I'm sure you did. And you're an idiot if you can't wholly embrace the glory of this new version. Trust me, once you see this new design in action, you're going to forget all about the original. In fact, I'm *so* confident in the Death Star "Special Edition" that I'm going to erase all files of the first Death Star. The only version that will be preserved for future generations will be the new one.

ADMIRAL #1: Sir, isn't that a little...shortsighted?

PALPATINE: (glaring) Admiral, do you have any children?

ADMIRAL #1: Um, yes, sir.

PALPATINE: (shaking his head) Not anymore, you don't. (he looks around the table) Would anybody else like to question the perfection of my modified vision?

(The officers remain prudently silent.)

PALPATINE: Excellent. This meeting is adjourned, gentlemen.

(PALPATINE hobbles away. Once he's gone, GENERAL #1 stands up and regards the other officers.)

GENERAL #1: Am I the only one who has a problem with this?

GENERAL #2: (muttering) "Special Edition", my butt...

ADMIRAL #1: Show of hands, people--all in favor of leaking this data to the rebels so they can do something about it...?

(Every officer raises his hand.)

GENERAL #1: Great. I know a few Bothans who might be interested. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go home and crank up some "Lapti Nek" on my sound system...

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