KYLE: --and that's how I defeated Mohc and destroyed the Dark Trooper project, saving the galaxy.

(The children look at each other, then GALEN--the youngest--looks to JAN)

GALEN: Grandma Jan, is Grandpa Kyle crazy?

KYLE: What?!

JAN: (smiling) No, he's not crazy, dear. He does have a tendency to exaggerate, though...

KYLE: I most certainly do not!

DERIC: You took on all of those Imperials and Dark Troopers and dianogas and even Boba Fett--by yourself--and lived? C'mon, grandpa.

KYLE: I did! And a whole lot more!

ALLYANA: Did you really fight a Kell dragon with your bare hands?

KYLE: Yes, I did. I've still got the scars to prove it.

DERIC: And what was the deal with those personal shield thingies? I've never heard of those before.

KYLE: They were...experimental. Yeah. I had the only one.

DERIC: And you kept finding recharges for the shields--and your weapons--just lying around all over the place?

KYLE: Yes. I'd hate to think what might have happened if the Imperials hadn't been so careless with their ordinance.

GALEN: Where'd you put all the guns?

KYLE: What?

GALEN: You said you kept picking up new weapons as the mission went along--where'd you put 'em all? They must have weighed a ton! How'd you sneak around with all of that?

KYLE: I'm...just that good.

(The children look at him skeptically.)

KYLE: (throwing up his arms) I saved the freakin' galaxy, and all I get is people looking at me like I'm crazy? Why'd I even bother? (he slumps back in his chair)

ALLYANA: Don't get mad, grandpa. Please? Tell us another story.

KYLE: (folding his arms on his chest) I don't feel like it. Since nobody wants to listen, anyway...

JAN: Don't pout, dear.

KYLE: I'm not pouting. I'm sulking. There's a difference.

JAN: Kids, did you know that your Grandpa was a Jedi?

(The kids' eyes light up.)

ALLYANA: A Jedi? Really?

GALEN: With a lightsaber and everything?

KYLE: (smiling, warming up a bit) Yeah, I was. You guys want to hear about it?

DERIC, GALEN and ALLYANA: (in unison) Yes!

KYLE: You're sure?

DERIC, GALEN and ALLYANA: (in unison) YES!

KYLE: (grinning) Well, all right, then. There was this place called the Valley of the Jedi--where the spirits of fallen Jedi resided. A place of great power, but its location was a secret. And there was an evil, dark Jedi named Jerec, who was trying to find it. I had to try and stop him and his evil minions of the Dark Side--and along the way, I discovered my own Force abilities.

DERIC: Grandpa, if this Jerec was so big and bad, how come I've never heard of him?

KYLE: Because you're stupid?

(Jan smacks KYLE in the back of the head.)

DERIC: Was he badder than Darth Vader?

KYLE: Yes.

GALEN: Badder than Darth Maul?

KYLE: Yes.

ALLYANA: Badder than Darth Tyranus?

KYLE: (rolling his eyes) Yes!

GALEN: Badder than Darth Jar Jar?

KYLE: Yes! Well, no. But he was bad, all right? Bad! Anyway, he captured your grandma, and, as usual, I had to go rescue her.

JAN: Hey...(she gives him a playful shove on the shoulder)

KYLE: I fought and defeated all of Jerec's minions, then faced Jerec himself in the heart of the Valley of the Jedi. Lightsaber against lightsaber. Good versus evil with the fate of the galaxy at stake! And of course, I won.

ALLYANA: Wow. What'd you do then?

KYLE: Well, then I took on an apprentice. Maybe you've heard of her--Mara Jade?

GALEN: Luke Skywalker's wife?!

KYLE: Yep.

DERIC: Wait a minute, I saw her on "Galactic Biography" the other night, and she didn't mention being your student.

KYLE: That's because she's an ungrateful b--

(JAN smacks him again.)

KYLE: All right, all right! The truth of it is...she saved me from the Dark Side.

ALLYANA: (eyes wide) You turned to the Dark Side?

KYLE: Briefly. I'd become corrupted by the ancient power and knowledge of the Sith. Mara pulled me back. Of course, then she decided I just wasn't goooood enough to be her master and left me! (he shakes his head in disgust)

GALEN: So what happened next?

KYLE: Well, I gave up the Jedi lifestyle and your grandma and I just settled into the mercenary life. But, of course, the galaxy just can't go for very long without me having to save it, so I wound up getting pulled back into the Jedi thing again. This time it was against this big, evil lizard guy named Desann, who was looking for the Valley of the Jedi.

DERIC: Again?

(KYLE glares at him, and the boy quiets down.)

KYLE: Desann was a failed student at Luke Skywalker's Jedi Academy who was seeking revenge. I'd let my Jedi powers fade, so he beat the pants off me when we first met--and made me think he'd killed your grandma. I went to the Valley of the Jedi, supercharged my abilities there, and went looking for revenge--not knowing it had all been a trick; that Desann had followed me to the Valley, and used its energies to boost his own soldiers' powers. So I had to fight off all those guys, and the Imperials, *and* gangsters--and eventually Desann himself.

DERIC: (raising a skeptical eyebrow) Let me guess, you did all this by yourself, again?

KYLE: (sparing him a sour look) Well, no. Your grandma finally got out of that ship and did some real work for a change--

JAN: Hey!

KYLE: And Luke Skywalker and Lando Calrissian helped out a little. But mostly it was me. I--

(Just then, the door chime goes off, and KYLE's daughter RIELLA and son-in-law VALIN HORN come into the room. GALEN jumps up and runs to them.)

RIELLA: Hi, mom. Dad. Hope the kids weren't too much trouble?

JAN: No, no, of course not.

VALIN: (to the kids) All right, guys, let's go home. Say goodbye.

GALEN: Bye, grandma and grandpa!

DERIC: (standing up and turning to Kyle) Grandpa...you're crazy. But you tell a good story. (he turns to JAN) Bye, grandma.

JAN: Goodbye, dear.

ALLYANA: (patting KYLE on the knee) I believe you, grandpa...

KYLE: (scowling) No, you don't.

ALLYANA: (after a moment's pondering) No, not really. (she gives him a peck on the cheek and runs to her parents.)

(Final goodbyes are exchanged, and the family departs, leaving JAN and KYLE alone.)

KYLE: Remind me again why having a family is a *good* thing?

JAN: Oh, hush. You know they love you.

KYLE: They just don't believe me.

JAN: Well, you have to admit some of it's a bit hard to swallow. And I always have wondered how you carried all those guns around...

(KYLE opens his mouth to retort, then the comm-line buzzes. He picks up the receiver.)

KYLE: Yes? Who...? New Republic Intelligence? Strange disappearances? Fate of the galaxy at stake? I'm on it! (he sets the receiver down, turns to JAN) Fire up the ship, honey. We've got work to do...

To be continued in "Dark Forces 23: Wheelchair Warrior"--on sale soon at fine retailers near you.

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