JANSON: I *told* you that lavender blush wouldn't look good on a Hutt. But did anyone listen? Noooooooooo!

CORRAN: Well, how were we supposed to know she'd take it so badly?!

WEDGE: Let's just stop arguing and figure a way out of this!

GAVIN: *huff* *huff* I'm too pretty to die! I'm too pretty to die!

TYCHO: You? What about me?

HOBBIE: Well, I don't know if I'd call you pretty. Striking, maybe, but...

WEDGE: Just shut up and run!!!!

(The roars of the Gamorreans grow louder as they close in. Suddenly a shadow falls over the group as a ship swoops in above them.)

CORRAN: Oh, we're so screwed.

WEDGE: Wait a minute. I know that ship!

(The ship's cannons start tearing up the ground in front of the Gamorreans, sending them scattering.)

WEDGE: It's the Lady Luck!

(The ship settles to the ground in front of the Rouges, and LANDO CALRISSIAN's voice pipes up from their comlinks.)

LANDO: You guys need a lift?

(WEDGE and the others clamber through the open hatchway, seal it behind them, and the ship lifts off, zooming away from the planet toward open space. They make their way up to the cockpit and drop wearily into seats as LANDO sends the ship into hyperspace.)

LANDO: (swivelling his seat to face them) Hey, guys.

WEDGE: Lando, you're an absolute lifesaver. But how'd you know where to find us?

LANDO: I've been tracking you down. Got a bit of a proposition for you.

(GAVIN slips off one mud-encrusted boot and looks at it mournfully.)

GAVIN: Genuine Corellian leather. *sigh* This mud will never clean out.

TYCHO: (picking at his mud-spattered trousers) And I'll have to burn these...

HOBBIE: (suddenly brightening) Wait, wait. The earthy look in is this season on Naboo!

GAVIN: Ooooh, that's right!

CORRAN: Way to go, Hobbie! Picking up the fashion fumble and turning it into a touchdown. High-five!

(They share a group high-five.)

LANDO: You people scare me a little, you know that?

WEDGE: So what's this proposition of yours?

LANDO: (grinning) How would you all like to be holo stars?

JANSON: What do you mean?

LANDO: I've just started a production company, and I've pitched an idea to the holonetwork. They liked the idea enough to order a pilot episode. It involves you guys travelling around and giving make-overs to some of the best-known Jedi--and maybe even non-Jedi, eventually. Just doing what you guys do best, in other words, except with cameras following you around. And we'll call it "Queer Eye for the Jedi".

(The Rouges look at each other a moment, then back to LANDO.)

CORRAN: But we're not gay.

LANDO: If you say so. But "Fashion-conscious Heterosexual Eye for the Jedi" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

JANSON: Well, he's got a point there.

LANDO: So what do you all say?

(The Rouges give each other speculative looks, then nod.)

WEDGE: I say, let's make the magic happen!

(LANDO grins.)

(A few days later, LUKE SKYWALKER is walking a boulevard on Coruscant, turns a corner, and comes face to face with the Rouges--who have a crew of cameramen with them.)

LUKE: Hey, guys. What are you--

WEDGE: Get him!!!!

(The Rouges pounce on LUKE, dragging him away and stuffing him into a speeder. They and the cameramen clamber in after him and go zooming away.)

LUKE: What the--?! There'd better be a good explanation for this, Wedge.

WEDGE: Two words, my friend. Make. Over.

LUKE: (Sick understanding dawning in his eyes.) Oh, no. Mara told me what you guys did to her before the wedding, but I didn't believe her.

TYCHO: (to the other Rouges) He's excited, I can tell.

GAVIN: Yep. Definitely.

(LUKE closes his eyes and slumps his head back in defeat.)

WEDGE: Don't go nodding off just yet, Luke. We've got a big day ahead of us!

(The speeder pulls up in front of a shopping mall and WEDGE, GAVIN and JANSON climb out with LUKE in tow.)

TYCHO: (leaning out the window of the speeder) Shop till you drop, guys! We'll meet you back at his X-wing!

(The speeder drives away.)

LUKE: Wait a minute. My X-wing...? What--?!

JANSON: Relax, big guy! You'll find out later. Right now, we've got some wardrobe to buy.

(They hustle him toward the shops.)

LUKE: What's wrong with my wardrobe?

GAVIN: Not a thing! The basic black look is really, really good--at a funeral! We're going to give you a little zip.

WEDGE: Something that says you're a Jedi, but not afraid to have a little fun.

JANSON: 'Cause what you're sporting now is just *so* pre-Endor...

LUKE: Somebody shoot me, please...

(They enter a clothing store, and the Rouges start grabbing things off the shelves, piling them up in Luke's arms. Then they hustle him into a dressing room and wait outside for him.)

LUKE: (his voice muffled by the dressing room door.) I'm not wearing this, Wedge.

WEDGE: Don't be such a whiner, Luke! Embrace the change!

LUKE: But these boxers have rhinestones on them!

WEDGE: So?

LUKE: It'll chafe!

WEDGE: Yeah, but in a good way.

LUKE: And I'm not too sure about this shirt, either.

JANSON: Luke, I'm saying this as a friend--you're not leaving this store unless you're wearing those clothes. If I have too, I'll knock you unconscious and dress you myself.

LUKE: But--

GAVIN: Dont make us bring your wife in on this...

(There's a pause.)

LUKE: You guys really play hardball, don't you?

WEDGE: The hardest.

(A few minutes later LUKE steps out, wearing dark loafers, blue trousers with a gold belt buckle the size of his head, and a tan turtleneck with purple polka dots. The Rouges begin clapping.)

WEDGE: Now *that's* the look!

LUKE: (heaving an exasperated sigh) Are we done, now?

WEDGE: Are you kidding? We've got at least seven more shops to hit!

(They drag him away.)

(Sometime later, they arrive at a hangar bay, LUKE burdened by a dozen or so white shopping bags. LUKE's X-wing waits nearby, with CORRAN, HOBBIE and TYCHO near it. LUKE stops and stares at his vehicle.)

LUKE: It's...uh...purple.

TYCHO: No, not purple, silly goose! Lavender! We just wanted to make you stand out from the crowd; this little honey's going to brighten up any old hangar she parks in, believe you me.

(CORRAN opens the cockpit, and motions LUKE forward.)

CORRAN: Come here and touch that dashboard.

(LUKE does so, frowning.)

LUKE: What's this covering--?

CORRAN: It's dewback leather! We've upholstered all the controls with it. A little taste of home for our roving Jedi. You know what people are going to say when they see that?

LUKE: Uh...

CORRAN: They're going to say, "Hey, this guy's climbed the social ladder straight to the top, but he still remembers where he came from." And you know what that is? It's special, that's what it is.

HOBBIE: And check out this beaded backrest on the seat. 'Cause I don't care how big and tough you think you are, Mr. Jedi--even your back must get sore sitting in that seat all the time. Am I right?

LUKE: Well, yeah, actually.

HOBBIE: Of course I am.

TYCHO: And look at this! (he kneels under the fuselage and opens the X-wing's small storage compartment) This place was just a mess. But we got rid of all those ugly survival supplies, popped in a few votive candles and voila! The perfect little dining nook for those dinners on the run with Mara!

GAVIN: (leaning in to look) Oh my God, that is darling.

TYCHO: Isn't it?

WEDGE: (clapping a hand on LUKE's shoulder) So what do you say, Luke? Are you ready to take on the galaxy with your new look?

LUKE: If I say yes, will you all go away?

WEDGE: (laughing) Oh, you nut!

JANSON: Well, I'd say mission accomplished, gentlemen. What about you?

HOBBIE: Oh, absolutely.

TYCHO: Hug?

CORRAN: Hug!

(They all grab an uncomfortable LUKE in a group hug.)

(A few weeks later, the Rouges are sitting with LANDO in his penthouse suite, drinks in hand, watching themselves hug LUKE on the holoscreen. Then the picture fades and the show's credits begin to roll.)

LANDO: Gentlemen, nicely done. I think we've got a good shot at being picked up for a series.

GAVIN: Really?

LANDO: Really. We'll just have to wait for the ratings.

HOBBIE: Faboo.

CORRAN: (looking idly around the penthouse) Nice place you've got here, Lando.

LANDO: Thanks. I like it.

CORRAN: It could use a bit of a touch-up...

JANSON: (looking at LANDO) And the cape of yours clashes with that shirt a bit...)

LANDO: (looking around at them, dismay in his eyes) Oh, no. Don't even think about--

WEDGE, JANSON, CORRAN, TYCHO, GAVIN and HOBBIE: (in unison) MAKE-OVER!!!!

(They all lunge at LANDO...)

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