Useless Ideas 112-120
Franklin and Lyta are on the Drazi homeworld, and have forced one of the Drazi to lead them to a secret facility, hoping to find Centauri corpses that were recovered after battle. They find no corpses--only large, dark ovoids. Lyta picks one up, announces that it's leftover Shadow technology. Franklin goes over and pokes it with his gun. He shakes his head.
"That's not Shadow tech," he says.
"Well, then, what is it?" Lyta asks.
Franklin tells her, and her eyes widen.
"Ugh!" she shouts, dropping it. She shakes Franklin by the shoulders. "Are you sure? I didn't think rabbits could get that big!"
Franklin immediately calls Sheridan. "It wasn't the Centauri, John!" he says, the signal breaking up. "We have a new enemy..."
He would say more, but there's a rumbling in the ground, and a huge furry white foot crashes through the ceiling and almost flattens them...
Sixteen years in the future, an aged Londo stands before a window in the Centauri royal palace, with Sheridan and Delenn.
"Yes, you won your war, Sheridan," Londo says, as they watch giant rabbits hopping through the city, destroying everything in sight. Then he points at the huge heaps of dark ovoids the rabbits are leaving behind, littering the ground. "But you did not think to clean up your mess!"
Useless Idea #113: What The--?!
Sheridan's in his quarters when he gets a call from Corwin.
"Sir," Corwin says. "We've got a new arrival on the station."
"So?"
"Sir...It's Ivanova."
"That's impossible," Sheridan shakes his head. "There was that whole contract thing..."
"Yeah, well, she's here."
"I'll be right down," Sheridan says, and hurries down to the docking bays. He sees Corwin standing there.
"So, where is she?" Sheridan asks.
Corwin gestures at a doorway and a figure in black steps out. Sheridan stares, then turns to Corwin.
"What the hell have you been smoking?" he says, smacking Corwin upside the head. "That isn't Ivanova--it's Dick Sargent in a wig!"
"No, no, he's right, John," Sargent says. "I am Ivanova."
Corwin nods, but Sheridan shakes his head. "You're Dick Sargent. Darrin #2! Don't try pulling that crap on *my* show! I won't stand for it!"
"I...don't know what you're talking about!"
Just then, Garibaldi wanders in, and nods at Sargent. "Hey, Ivanova, what's shakin'?"
Sheridan shakes Garibaldi violently. "It's not Ivanova! It's Dick Sargent! Are you blind?"
"I'm not Dick Sargent," Sargent says. "See: Boom! No boom today, boom tommorow! Boom! See? Can't get more Ivanova than that."
Sheridan hauls Sargent down to Medlab (with people greeting Sargent as Ivanova the whole way). Franklin looks up as they enter.
"Hey, Iva--" he starts, and Sheridan cuts him off.
"If you call him Ivanova," Sheridan says, "I swear I'll kill you. I need a DNA scan. Stat!"
Franklin shrugs, performs the scan. "It's Ivanova," he says finally. "No doubt about it."
"Are you people insane?!" Sheridan screams. "It's the freakin' second-string Darrin!"
"Calm down, John," Franklin says.
Sheridan pulls his gun, begins backing away. "Ohhhh, no. You're doing this on purpose! You're all out to get me! You're trying to drive me insane!"
He hurries into the cryogenic ward, programs a quick-thaw into Marcus Cole's chamber, while Franklin, Sargent, Garibaldi and a group of guards eye him from a safe distance. When Marcus thaws out, Sheridan points at Sargent. "There! Tell me who that is, Marcus! Is that your lady-love?"
Marcus stares a moment, starts to smile...then his eyes widen in horror. "What the bloody hell?! What's Darrin doing here?"
"Aha!" Sheridan says, pointing at Sargent. "You can't fool everyone! I don't know what you've done to the others, but we'll stop you! We'll make them see the truth, you evil fiend!"
Sargent stares at him with a sinister smile. "You're wasting your time, Sheridan." He turns to Garibaldi and the others. "They're a threat to the plan. Kill them now, before--"
Marcus doesn't let him finish, goes charging into the group, heading straight for Sargent. As Marcus starts fighting them all, he screams back at Sheridan, "Save yourself, Sheridan! Get the truth out! Run! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!"
Sheridan turns and flees back to the docking bays, hounded by guards all the way. He steals a shuttle and disappears into the jumpgate.
Up in C&C, Dick Sargent nods and smiles as the ship disappears. "This station is now...MINE! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!"
Useless Idea #114: "What The--?!" Part II
Londo and G'kar arrive on the station, returning from Centauri Prime. They're met by Corwin.
"Lieutenant," G'kar says. "We've heard rumors that Ivanova has returned. Where might she be?"
"Well, she came back a few days ago," Corwin says. "But then she disappeared. Strange..." He shakes his head. "Anyway, President Sheridan wanted to speak to you in his office."
Corwin leads them up to Sheridan's office, leaves them. Londo looks at the man sitting behind the desk and frowns.
"Something's not right, here," Londo whispers. "That doesn't look like Sheridan. It looks like that human actor from 'Bewitched', Dick Sargent. With a glued-on goatee."
"'Bewitched'?" G'kar says.
"Yes, you know--that program about the woman whose nose gave off those odd sounds. 'Tinka-tinka-tink'!" Londo says, wiggling his nose.
"Ah." G'kar nods, then looks at Sargent, who's busy studying paperwork. "You know, I think you're right..."
Sargent looks up at them, then. "Oh! Didn't see you there. Sit down. We've got some things to discuss."
"Let's just play along," Londo whispers, "until we find out what's going on..."
Later, after their meeting with Sargent, Londo and G'kar split up, and later still, they regroup in Londo's quarters.
"There is definitely something odd going on here," G'kar says. "I scanned the security footage for the last few days..."
"Mr. Allen allowed that?" Londo asks.
"Are you kidding? He's hardly ever in the security office--and they never seem to lock the door to that place...Anyway, I noticed that when 'Ivanova' arrived, it was actually this Dick Sargent person in a wig. Sheridan and Marcus saw through the masquerade. Sargent killed Marcus...I guess you could say he turned him into Cole slaw! Get it?" G'kar ribs Londo. "Cole slaw? Because it's...and he's...and his name's..."
Londo stares at him.
"Ah, forget it. Anyway, he also chased off the real Sheridan, who disappeared into the jumpgate in a stolen shuttle. And Sargent took his place. But nobody else seems to see this imposter for who he is..."
Londo nods. "That fits what I've seen. I saw Delenn with him, praising him for not leaving his socks hanging in the bathroom anymore. If *she* can't see the difference, we could be in trouble..."
Just then, a message comes through. Londo receives it, and is surprised to see Sheridan.
"Mr. President!" Londo says. "Did you know that there is someone here masquerading as you?"
Sheridan growls. "That evil...I should have expected it. He's gained control of the Alliance! He's the most powerful man in the galaxy! But I've got a plan to stop him, and I need you two to help..."
The next day, Sargent is in a meeting with the Alliance representatives when he gets a call from Corwin in C&C.
"Sir," Corwin says. "We've got a shuttle emerging from the jumpgate. It refuses to answer our hails...It appears to be the same one that was stolen from the station..."
"Destroy it," Sargent says.
Up in C&C, Corwin gives the order, but the guns don't fire.
"We've lost all control," a nameless technician says. "And the shuttle bay doors are opening..."
The shuttle flies into the docking bay.
"Get a security team down there!" Corwin orders.
"We can't," another tech says. "Certain lifts and doors are sealed; there's no way to get there--whoever's in that shuttle has a clear path to the Council chambers..."
"Who's doing this?!"
In his quarters, tapping into the station's systems with G'kar, Londo cackles like a loon...
The shuttle lands, and Sheridan and a hooded figure disembark. They hurry through the station to the Council chambers, confront Dick Sargent in front of everyone.
"Imposter!" Sheridan shouts.
"My eyes must be deceiving me," an ambassador says. "There can't be *two* Sheridans...Can there?"
"*Two* John Sheridans?" Delenn asks. She looks back and forth between Sheridan and Sargent, then gives a lusty smile. "Well, now. It's good to be the wife..."
"This is not the man you think he is!" Sheridan says, pointing at Sargent. "This is Darrin #2, from television's beloved program 'Bewitched'!"
"You can't stop this!" Sargent says to Sheridan. "You can't break my hold on them! You're too late!"
"I think not," the hooded figure says. He throws back his hood to reveal...
"My God," someone shouts. "It's Dick York! Darrin #1!"
"No!" Sargent says.
"Yes," York says. "You've eluded me long enough..." He starts to move toward Sargent.
"I'll kill you! You...you...first draft loser!" Sargent backs away.
"You can't," York says. "We are one..."
Even as Sargent begins screaming, York wraps his arms around him in a hug...and the two begin to glow with bluish light. The light glows brighter and brighter, and everyone can see that the two men are actually merging into one...
Delenn watches, tears of rapture streaming down her face, and whispers, "The Uber-Darrin..."
In the back of his mind, Sheridan hears the voice of Kosh: "The prophecy is fulfilled..."
The Uber-Darrin then turns into a ball of light and flies away.
There's silence in the room...
Things return to normal for the next few days. Then Sheridan receives a call from Corwin.
"Sir," Corwin says, "we've got someone requesting permission to dock. He says his name is Dr. Kyle, sir."
"The station's original doctor? So what's the problem?"
"Well...I'd swear 'Dr. Kyle' is actually the second drummer-boy from 'The Partridge Family'..."
Useless Idea #115: The Law of Averages Finally Catches Up...
The Earth civil war has been escalating, and one of the rebelling ships--commanded by Major Ryan--flees to Babylon 5 for repairs. Another renegade ship soon arrives, and her captain informs Sheridan, Major Ryan and the others that a task force is already en route to Babylon 5 with the intent of seizing the station. Sheridan and his crew decide they have no choice but to secede.
"But we can't fight off an invading force alone!" Garibaldi protests.
"You won't be alone," Major Ryan says. He indicates the captain of the other renegade vessel. "You'll have our two ships backing you up."
"Still, I'm not sure that'll be enough..." Sheridan muses, rubbing his chin.
Major Ryan thinks a moment, then snaps his fingers. "I've got just the man for the job!" He turns toward the doorway, and yells, "Hey, Mac! Get in here, will ya?"
A man strolls into the room. "What's up?"
Sheridan and his crew stare at the man. Sheridan says, "It's..."
Ivanova adds, "It's..."
Franklin exclaims, "It's MacGyver! Thank God! We're saved!"
"We've got a problem, Mac," Major Ryan says. "We've got a fleet of ships coming in to take the station. We need your help to stop them."
MacGyver doesn't hesitate at all. "Okay, I can do this. But I'll need a bubble-gum wrapper, a string of dental floss, and two double-A batteries."
"What are you going to do with them?" Ivanova asks.
"Modify the jumpgate so that if anyone tries to come through, it'll fling the ships right back through hyperspace to where they came from."
"Damn," Garibaldi says. "You're good..."
"You know," Sheridan says, "it doesn't sound like it makes sense, but I've got a crazy hunch it'll work! Let's do it!"
A montage scene follows as we see MacGyver at work, and later, the command crew--along with Major Ryan and MacGyver--is up in C&C as the enemy ships begin to emerge from the jumpgate.
"This is it," Sheridan says.
"You're sure this'll work, Mac?" Major Ryan says.
MacGyver looks at him. "This is me, remember? The guy who destroyed a Shadow base with just a pair of shoelaces and an ice cream scoop. Don't worry."
There's a flash from the jumpgate and the first ship--a destroyer-- seems to hesitate...Moments later it's flung *out* of the jumpgate at incredible speed. It zooms out of control, heading right for the station. As it grows larger and larger in the window, Major Ryan turns to MacGyver.
"I am soooo disappointed..."
*BOOM*!
Useless Idea #116: Hostile Takeover
Lyta returns from her mission with Franklin to the Drazi homeworld, only to discover that someone has seized control of her renegade telepath group in her absence. She finds them lounging about, doing nothing more than eating muffins.
"What's going on here?" she demands. "We've got a world to find for ourselves! We don't have time for this lollygagging!"
One of them looks up at her. "We've found a higher calling." He holds up a muffin. "Byron's brother has come to us, and shown us the way. We won't be needing your services anymore. And your hair is just WAY too short for you to be our leader, anyway. Buh-bye, now."
Lyta leaves them behind, stalks into another room. There she finds a man with long blonde hair. A vaguely familiar man, that the others are treating with respect.
"What the hell's going on here?" Lyta demands, confronting him. "Who are you to just come in here and try and take my people away from me?"
The man stares at her a moment, then says, "I cahn't believe it's not bahter."
Lyta frowns. "Excuse me?"
"I cahn't believe it's not bahter."
Lyta shakes her head. "You're not making any sense here, man..."
Just then, one of the Zathras brothers comes bustling in. "Oh, it is very easy with the understandings," he says to her. "You must be listening closely to pick up the messages. Sometimes, you see, it is being 'I cahn't be-LIEVE it's not bahter'. Other times it is being 'I cahn't BE-lieve it's not bahter'. Or 'I CAHN'T believe it's not bahter'. Or--"
"Whatever," Lyta says, and shoves him away. Zathras wanders off, shaking his head and clucking to himself. "Nobody ever listens to poor Zathras..."
Lyta faces the man before her. "I'm taking these people back, whether you like it or not. PAIN...!"
The blonde man reels back from her attack, then focuses his own powers on Lyta, growling, "I...cahn't...believe...it's...not...BAHTER!!!"
Lyta instantly crumples to the ground unconscious...
When she awakens, she finds she's no longer among the telepaths, but lying in a bed in unfamiliar surroundings. As she sits up, a man in an Earthforce uniform enters the room.
"Where am I?" Lyta asks.
"Aboard the Earthforce destroyer Lewinsky, en route to Babylon 5."
"What am I doing here?"
"We were staging a raid against those telepaths, and managed to rescue you. Just in the nick of time, I might add..."
"Well, thank you, Captain...?"
"Parkay."
Lyta nods. "Captain Parkay."
"Butter."
"Parkay?"
"Butter."
Lyta slaps her forhead. "Oy!"
Useless Idea #117: Batteries Not Included
Ivanova finds the "Thirdspace" object in hyperspace and tows it back to Babylon 5. After studying it, an Interplanetary Expeditions archaeologist has a power source attached to it, and the object begins to glow with blue light. All over the station, people stand at viewports, staring out at the object. Garibaldi joins one of these groups.
Vir turns and looks at him. "So where have you been all this time?"
Garibaldi shrugs. "Well, there was this case involving some stolen Minbari artifacts. They're around a thousand years old, with some really weird writing on them. You were on Minbar for a while; does the word 'narf' have any signifigance?"
Vir shakes his head. "I didn't see that much of the place."
Outside, the alien artifact begins to shift and expand, then splits down the middle. A blue field begins to glow at the top of it.
"Hey," Garibaldi says, pointing at it. "I know what that is! It's a giant Watchman!"
"A what?"
"A Watchman! You know, those handheld televisions they used to have back in the twentieth century. Look, something's coming in on the monitor!"
The blue field at the top of the artifact begins to flicker, and Garibaldi begins hopping up and down anxiously, muttering, "Please let it be the Cartoon Network, please let it be the Cartoon Network, please let it--"
The image comes into focus, and everyone sees a fat man with a painted face screaming at Billy Crystal, "I HOPE YOU DIE!!!!!!"
Garibaldi shakes his head. "It had to be THAT commercial..."
Just then, a giant, spectral hand reaches out and grabs the artifact. The voice of Jason Ironheart booms out, "Man, I've been looking everywhere for this. Almost missed 'Diff'rent Strokes'. Hey, you guys wanna watch with me? Sure you do..."
Onboard a White Star, Ivanova hears this and her face goes pale. "'Diff'rent Strokes'? No...noooooo! For the love of God, all ships, open fire! Destroy that thing before it's too late!"
Everyone on her bridge turns and looks at her. In unison they ask, "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Susan?"
Of course, she has no choice but to kill 'em all...
Useless Idea #118: Is There A Doctor In The House?
Sheridan gathers his command staff together in the war room, and looks at all of them grimly. "All right, people, we've got a crisis. We're being asked to move."
"Move?" Garibaldi asks.
"From our timeslot," Sheridan says.
"What do you mean, timeslot?" Ivanova asks. "This isn't some television show; this is real life..."
Sheridan rolls his eyes. "Yes, but it's being filmed, kind of like 'The Real World', but...not. I mean, why do you think those guys with the cameras are always following us around?" He points off-screen. "Or the fat-boy with the boom mike?"
Garibaldi shrugs. "I thought they were *your* friends."
Franklin and Ivanova nod in agreement.
Sheridan shakes his head. "Nope. Our adventures have gained quite the following back home, but now they want to move us from our timeslot."
"And replace us with what?" Ivanova asks.
"ER."
"What?!" Garibaldi shouts.
"With George Clooney?" Ivanova bursts. "God, did you see him in 'Batman and Robin'? Batman with ice-skates!"
Franklin laughs. "Or the credit card! Don't forget the credit card! Holy Lame Script, Batman!"
Sheridan raps his fist on the table, interrupting everyone's laughter. "People, let's focus here. They're gonna take our timeslot. Do we let them push us back an hour, or do we fight?"
Garibaldi ponders it, finally says, "Fight."
Ivanova nods. "Fight."
Franklin nods. "Fight."
Sheridan looks at all of them, then he, too, nods. "Fight."
Days later, the command crew is stationed near the docking bay, hiding, waiting with guns ready.
"Let's review the plan," Sheridan says. "We let their shuttle dock, as if we're really intending to have that official 'passing of the timeslot' ceremony they expect us to give. They step out, make their way here, and we let them have it."
"Sounds good," Ivanova says.
Moments later, Sheridan gets a call on his comlink from C&C.
"Shuttle has docked," Corwin's voice says.
They wait, and soon they hear a sound from around the corner: *squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak...*
Garibaldi scowls. "Gurneys. It's them, all right."
Another sound comes to them: *slosh, slosh, slosh...*
Franklin whispers, "IV bags..."
Then they hear another sound: *ka-ching! ka-ching! ka-ching!...*
Ivanova scowls. "Sounds like they just got another salary increase. I've really gotta talk to my agent..."
The sounds come closer and closer.
"Get ready, people," Sheridan says.
Ivanova nods. "I get the first sh--arrrrrgh!" She falls to the ground as a ppg shot takes her in the back.
"What the--?!" Garbaldi says no more, as he, too, goes down.
Sheridan spins around, and his jaw drops as he sees Franklin pointing a gun at him. "You TRAITOR!"
Sheridan tries to fire, but Franklin guns him down first.
Moments later, a bunch of blue-suited folks come around the corner. At their head is Anthony Edwards. He looks at the bodies of Garibaldi, Ivanova and Sheridan, then looks up at Franklin.
"Nice job, Stephen," Edwards says. "Welcome to the team."
"Hey, us doctors have gotta stick together, eh?" Franklin says. He rubs his head. "Do you think I'd look good with a Clooney-style haircut...?"
Useless Idea #119: Supply Lines
President Clark is in his office, looking around at his most trusted advisors. "So what's the status on the Babylon 5 blockade?" he asks.
"Not good," an aide says. "They're still getting supplies somehow. Our spies report that some of the supplies are coming from the aliens, but the rest...?" He shrugs.
"I believe I may have the answer to that," the head of Psi Corps says. "One of my spies has delivered evidence pointing directly to the source of B5's supplies." He pops a video-disk into a console, and an image begins to appear on the screen...
The image is of two sock puppets--one green, one white.
"Hello, and welcome to the Precious Roy Home Shopping Network," the white one says. "I'm Olly..."
"And I'm Sifl," the green one says.
"Now people," Olly continues," if you're like me, you live in constant, unending fear of one thing: rabid spoo. Am I right?"
Sifl nods. "Oh, you *know* the problems that I've been having with rabid spoo."
"Dude, you have got some serious-ass rabid spoo problems. Now people, we don't have to be afraid any longer. Not with the Precious Roy Rabid Spoo Innoculation Kit."
A screen shows a huge needle filled with green fluid, for the price of $49.99.
"How many times," Olly says, "have you been out and about, enjoying some vacation world, when suddenly rabid spoo just starts dropping down out of the trees onto you? They start clawing and biting you...Next thing you know, *you're* infected, and somebody's taking you out behind a building and PUTTING A BULLET IN YOUR BRAIN! Is that what you want, people?! Is it?!"
>>>"Dude," Sifl says, "calm down, man..."
>>>"I wish I could make you people UNDERSTAND how IMPORTANT this is! Why don't you people ever LISTEN?!"
"Dude, I can take it from here, if you want," Sifl says.
Olly shakes his head. "No, no, I'm fine. But think about this, people: rabid spoo can pass the infection along to you, even after they're dead. Just by eating it, you could be setting yourself on the path to madness and death, unless you buy this product NOW."
Sifl nods. "You know, that's true. And you know, we've never actually *seen* anyone prepare spoo--it just shows up all squishing and white. Who's to say the cooks are preparing it properly, and cooking the disease out of it? Remember what happened a few years ago with Jack-in-the-Flarn?"
"Exactly my point," Olly says. "Let's go to the phones. Caller, go ahead..."
A voice comes over the line. "Yeah, my name's Vir..."
"Vir," Olly says, "have you tried the Rabid Spoo Innoculation Kit?"
"I have. See, one time, G'kar ate some spoo, and then later he came and beat the living crap out of me and Londo. But since we got G'kar the Rabid Spoo Innoculation Kit, we've haven't had any problems with him."
"There you have it, ladies and gentlemen," Olly says. "You HAVE to get this product. Protect your friends, protect your loved ones, protect yourself...Let's talk to Precious Roy."
A green sock puppet with glasses appears on the screen. "This is Precious Roy," the new puppet says. "And my toes taste like cheese!"
"Uh, Precious Roy," Olly says, "we're talking about the Rabid Spoo Innoculation Kit..."
"Soylent Green is people!" Precious Roy answers.
"Wha--?" Olly asks.
"SUCKERS!"
A theme song kicks in: "Precious Roy, Precious Roy, making lots of suckers out of girls and boys."
The screen goes blank, and the leader of Psi Corps pops the video disk out of the machine. "So you see our problem," he says. "Babylon 5 is purchasing their supplies from Sockworld. And not even the Vorlons and Shadows would try to mess with *them*..."
Clark sighs. "Darn those socks..."
"But I left my knitting needles at home, sir," an aide says.
Everyone stares at the aide, then slowly they start to pull their guns out...
Useless Idea #120: Rumors? Bargains? Lies?
Sheridan, Delenn, Lennier, Garibaldi, and Lochley are gathered in Sheridan's office. Sheridan looks around at everyone.
"Okay, people," he says, "we've got a crisis on our hands. Earth's been hit by some weird Drakh plague, and if a cure isn't found within five years, everyone'll die."
"So what's the downside?" Lochley asks.
Sheridan scowls at her. "We've put together a crew and a spiffy new ship to scour the galaxy for a cure. But there's been some disagreement among Earth's officials on how best to carry out this 'Crusade', so they've dumped it in my lap. What do you suggest?"
"Ooh! Ooh!" Lennier says, raising his hand. "I know!"
"What is it, Lennier?" Sheridan says.
"Sex!"
"Excuse me?"
"Lots and lots of it!" Lennier grins. "Have the crew constantly gettin' freaky with aliens. Nothin' says 'first contact' like a hot, steamy--"
"All right, I get it, I get it," Sheridan says.
"Maybe you could send me along with them," Lennier says. "I mean, I've been here five frickin' years and haven't gotten *any* booty! Maybe I could find myself a nice little space bimbo and--"
"I'll consider it," Sheridan snaps. "Anyone else?"
"I've got it!" Garibaldi says. "Get this: mindless, random violence! It works for everything! Am I right, or am I right?"
"My God, Michael," Sheridan says, awed. "That's perfect!"
Sheridan then pulls out his ppg and shoots Garibaldi dead.
"Mindless violence...check. Okay, any other ideas?" Sheridan asks.
Lennier raises his hand again. "Sex?"
"Security!"
A pair of security guards come in and start hauling Lennier away.
"Ooh, handcuffs!" Lennier says. "Now we're talking..."
After Lennier's gone, Sheridan calls an officer into the room, and introduces him to the others. "This is Captain Gideon, people. He'll be leading the expedition. How are you today, Captain?"
"Well, Marcia got hit in the nose with a football, and Carol's first husband showed up, only it turned out it *wasn't* her husband and--"
"Yeah, okay, shut up," Sheridan says. "You've read the mission briefing. Do you have any questions?"
"Actually, yes," Gideon says. "Is this mission going to involve an inordinate amount of bizarre alien sex? Because if it is...I'm *so* there, man..."
"I...can neither confirm nor deny that," Sheridan says. "But there's one very important thing that wasn't in the mission briefing. At no time are you, or any of your crew, ever to make reference to Babylon 5, or any of the events of the past five years. To do so would cause a great deal of confusion among the people who would encounter you during your journey."
"Because," Delenn says, "the universe is populated by idiots."
"I see." Gideon nods. "Make no reference to Babylon...what was it, again? Three? Ten?"
Sheridan smiles and nods. "Exactly. Good man."
Gideon suddenly looks around in confusion. "Excuse me, but...who are you people? How did I get here?"
"All right, joke's over," Sheridan says.
"No, really. I feel like I *should* know you, somehow..."
"He's John Sheridan," Delenn says, "President of the Interstellar Alliance."
"John who? President of what?"
Sheridan frowns at him warningly. "Captain Gideon..."
"Captain who? What the hell am I doing here?" Gideon looks around in panic. "Who are you people?! What's going on, here?!"
Sheridan sighs, shakes his head. "Maybe I just should've sent out a memo..."
The Rabid Bantha Bar and Grille
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