(Aboard the bridge of the Executor, Vader stands alone, hands clasped behind his back, looking out the viewport as the fleet drifts through space.)
ANAKIN: I spy with my little eye...something that starts with "S".
VADER: Star Destroyer?
ANAKIN: Man, you're good.
V: That's why I make the big money...
(Elsewhere, Captain Piett is discussing some probe droid readings with Admiral Ozzel, while General Veers listens in. Vader overhears them, wanders over, and looks at the screen, which shows the Rebel generator on Hoth.)
VADER: That's it! The Rebels are there.
OZZEL: My lord...there are so many uncharted settlements. It could be smugglers, it could be--
VADER: That is the system. And I am sure Skywalker is with them. Set your course for the Hoth system! General Veers, prepare your men!
(Vader walks away, off the bridge and into a corridor.)
A: (in a whiny, mocking voice) "It could be smugglers, it could be--" Man, what a dork. Why'd you let him get away with back-mouthing you like that?
V: It's too early in the morning to kill anyone. I need my coffee first.
A: I wasn't suggesting you should--
V: Coffee first. Kill later.
A: Haven't you already had ten cups?
V: Exactly. How's a guy supposed to get by on just that?
(He walks on.)
A: I never liked him, you know.
V: Who?
A: Ozzel. It's that mustache. That weaselly little mustache.
V: Well, I tried to get Admiral O'Gill, but he wasn't available.
A: O'Gill would have been great. *He* wouldn't sass you. He'd greet you with a "Top o' the marnin' to ye, Lard Vader!" and do a happy little jig.
V: His jigs are indeed sprightly.
(Vader reaches his meditation chamber, sits inside, and seals it. He pushes a button on his console, and the delicious smell of fresh-brewed coffee fills the chamber, as the fluid pours out into a mug emblazoned with the words "#1 Sith Lord". Just as he picks up the mug and prepares to remove his helmet, General Veers enters the room outside.)
V: Razza-frazzin--
A: Isn't that always the way? *chuckle*
(Grumbling, Vader sets down the mug, opens his meditation chamber and greets Veers. Veers reports that they've come out of hyperspace, and detected an energy barrier on the sixth planet of the Hoth system.)
VADER: Admiral Ozzel came out of lightspeed too close to the system.
VEERS: He felt surprise was wiser--
VADER: He's as clumsy as he is stupid. General, prepare your troops for a surface attack.
(Veers departs, and Vader swivels his chair around, activating the communications screen.)
A: (in a sing-song voice) Oooooooh! Some-body's gon-na get it!
(On the screen, Admiral Ozzel and Captain Piett face him.)
OZZEL: Lord Vader, the fleet has moved out of lightspeed, and we're preparing to--ack! (he grabs his throat)
VADER: You have failed me for the last time, Admiral. Captain Piett, make ready to land our troops beyond the energy barrier, and deploy the fleet so that nothing gets off this system. *You* are in command now, *Admiral* Piett.
(On the screen, Admiral Ozzel gasps out his last breath and collapses.)
A: You know, he wasn't my favorite guy, but...
V: But?
A: But I *really* think you need to work on your management style...
V: Oh, shut up and let me drink my coffee...
© 1998-2004 rabidbantha@hotmail.com
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