ANAKIN: So the padawan says, "A statue of Dooku? I thought he said poo-doo!"

(pause)

VADER: I don't get it.

A: Well, see--

(Just then, Obi-Wan comes around the corner, sees Vader, and activates his own lightsaber.)

A: Wow, you were right. He was coming this way.

V: Of course. Now I'll just step forward and spout something suitably menacing, yet mocking, and--uh-oh.

A: Uh-oh? What's "uh-oh"?

V: Brain freeze.

A: You're kidding.

V: I never kid.

A: True...

V: Help me out, here. What do I say?

A: Me?

V: Yes, you! I'll be your best friend.

A: You usually kill your best friends...

V: So?

A: Let me get this straight; you've waited decades to face him again, and you can't even remember what you wanted to say to him?

V: *sigh* If you're just going to give me a hard time...

A: No, no. I just need a moment to bask in the irony of it all. I mean, you wanting *my* help...

(pause)

V: Well?

A: I'm still basking.

V: Come on! I'm starting to look stupid here.

A: Okay, okay. Repeat after me: "I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again at last."

VADER: (aloud, as he finally walks forward) I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again at last.

A: "The circle is now complete; when I left you I was but a learner--now I am the master."

V: Hey, that's good.

A: I know.

VADER: (aloud) The circle is now complete; when I left you I was but a learner--now I am the master.

OBI-WAN: Only a master of evil, Darth.

(Their lightsabers clash against each other.)

A: Snappy comeback, there. He was always good at those...

V: Hey, whose side are you on?

A: His.

V: That hurts, man.

(Vader and Kenobi continue their battle, blades sizzling and crackling.)

VADER: (aloud) Your powers are weak, old man.

A: Ha! Look who's talking! You're not exactly a spring chicken yourself...

V: Hey, I'm still a badass!

A: Suuuuuuure you are. What happened to all those kicks and flips and stuff you used to be able to do?

V: Well--

A: If Yoda were here, he could whip the pants off of both of you--and he was nine hundred years old, for crying out loud!

V: Hey, Kenobi isn't exactly jumping around anymore, either.

A: Yeah, I know. Sad, really. I'm just going to step out and grab you guys a couple of rocking chairs, okay?

V: Zip it.

A: Try not to break a hip while I'm out, all right?

V: Will you shut--oh, great! He just said something, and you made me miss it.

A: Ah, it was just something about becoming more powerful than you could possibly imagine. Or maybe it was something about bacon. One or the other.

(Kenobi and Vader continue to fight. Soon, though, Kenobi glances over into the hangar, sees Luke and the others, and raises his lightsaber up. Vader takes his opportunity and slices through Kenobi, whose empty robes and lightsaber drop to the ground.)

A: Wow! He can teleport? How cool is that?

(Vader steps forward, taps the toe of his boot into Kenobi's rumpled robes.)

A: *What* are you doing?

V: Just making sure...

A: What, like he's going to be hiding in there?

(In the hangar, Luke cries out and starts blasting away at the stormtroopers. He shoots the door controls, and the blast door begins to close as Vader approaches it.)

A: Hey, the kid's a pretty good shot. Maybe we should have cloned *him* for the stormtroopers.

V: Perhaps.

A: By the way--why is your lightsaber suddenly flat and silver...?

V: Ummm...the batteries are low? Yeah. Yeah, that's it...

© 1998-2004 rabidbantha@hotmail.com