(Aboard the Blockade Runner, Rebel troops ready themselves as, with a brilliant spraying of sparks, the access hatch is blown open and stormtroopers charge in. Shots are exchanged, the battle rages...and after the fight has moved farther into the ship, Vader steps through the hatchway and looks around at the rebels and stormtroopers sprawled in the hallway.)
ANAKIN: Wow. Must have been one hell of a kegger.
VADER: Some people just can't hold their liquor, I guess.
A: So what's the plan?
V: Find the Good Guys, crush them in my Iron Grip of Terror.
A: Ah. The old classic, huh?
V: Why mess with success?
(A squad of stormtroopers brings a Rebel officer to Vader. Vader grabs him by the neck and starts to interrogate him about the transmissions that were beamed to the ship, and the Death Star plans.)
A: You know, call me crazy, but--
V: You're crazy.
A: Funny. As I was saying, maybe this guy would be a little more cooperative if he wasn't hanging a foot in the air. I mean, have you ever heard the phrase, "You can attract more flies with honey than with a Death Grip"?
V: You ever heard the phrase "You can kiss my bony white a--"
A: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mr. Potty Mouth! No more late night cable comedy specials for you!
V: Besides, why would I *want* to attract flies?
A: Hey, you know, I never thought of that. That is kind of gross, isn't it?
(The Rebel in Vader's grasp gurgles out that his ship's on a diplomatic mission.)
VADER: (to Rebel) If this is a consular ship, where is the ambassador?
(Vader tightens his grip on the Rebel's neck; there's a loud snapping and crackling, and he flings the dead Rebel away.)
A: And you wonder why you flunked chiropractor school. Sheesh.
(Vader turns to an Imperial officer)
VADER: Commander, tear this ship apart until you've found those plans, and bring me the passengers, I want them alive!
(Vader storms away.)
A: What do you want the passengers for? I'm sure the guy on the floor back there would be happy to help you out if you give him a second chance. Y'know--after the vertebrae regenerate.
V: Quiet.
A: And the heart starts beating again.
V: Quiet!
A: And the brain functions resume.
V: Have I ever told you how much I truly, deeply hate you?
A: Yep. And it just gets funnier every time.
V: Aaargh!
© 1998-2004 rabidbantha@hotmail.com
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