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Useless Ideas
For Babylon 5

Three Bald
Guys Review...

(After his duel with Luke, Vader watches as his son steps gallantly off the platform and plunges down the air shaft, vanishing from view.)

ANAKIN: Dude, did you see that? Did you *see* that dive?!!! WOW! That would have gotten him an 8.5 at the Galactic Olympics, easy!

VADER: It was courageous, I'll give him that.

A: Does the old man proud, doesn't he?

V: Indeed.

A: Kind of harsh on him, though, weren't you? I mean, you chopped his freakin' hand off. What's THAT all about?

V: He needed to be shown his place. He needs to be disciplined, turned from this foolish course he's chosen.

A: Man, if you want to discipline him, you smack him across the knuckles with a ruler. You give him a "time-out". You don't CHOP HIS FREAKIN' HAND OFF!

V: I have endured far worse. It builds character.

A: You know, I don't think you're going to win the "Parent of the Year" award.

V: Nonsense. I'm an excellent parent.

A: Puh-lease! I mean, you cut off your son's hand, you blow up your daughter's home planet--

V: What?! What daughter? I don't have--

A: Um...forget I said that.

V: Besides, when Luke and I have overthrown the Emperor and restored order to the galaxy, I'll make it up to him.

A: How?

V: I'll...buy him a puppy.

A: Cool! Buy him a wiener dog.

V: Why?

A: Wiener dogs are wizard, man!

(Vader clips his lightsaber back onto his belt, and storms away, off the gantry and back into the city proper. In one of the city's bright corridors, some of Vader's troopers fall into step behind him.)

VADER: (to troopers) Bring my shuttle...

(The troopers hurry off.)

V: So...any ideas on how I'm going to explain this to my Master?

A: Man, that's right. Palpatine's going to be pissed! It sucks to be you, huh?

V: You *are* me.

A: That's what I'm saying. It *sucks* to be you.







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