Above Tatooine (3)


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(Onboard the Rebel Blockade Runner, Leia is escorted into Vader's presence by the squad of stormtroopers that captured her.)

ANAKIN: Hey, she's a cutie. Tell her she's got nice hair.

VADER: Excuse me?

A: Tell her she's--

V: I heard you the first time. But I'm not trying to get a date, here. I need information from her.

A: Exactly, and you're not going to get it if you wind up snapping her neck like that last guy. So just try to sweet-talk her into telling you what you want to know.

V: I don't need your advice on how to deal with women.

A: Uh-huh. Because you've had *so* much experience with them since Padme booted you out.

V: Hey, she didn't boot me. *I* dumped *her*.

A: Sure you did.

V: I did!

A: Riiiiight. I must have misinterpreted things when she said, "Don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out".

V: That--I--she--

A: Yes?

V: Oh, shut up. I can handle this without your help.

A: If you say so. But for heaven's sake will you get your hands off your hips? That just looks way too effeminate. If I didn't know better, I'd say Suzy was messing with you.

V: Who?

A: Nevermind.

(Leia glares at Vader.)

LEIA: Darth Vader. Only you could be so bold. The Imperial Senate will not sit still for this. When they hear you've attacked a diplomatic mission--

VADER: (to Leia) Don't act so surprised, your Highness. You weren't on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you.

A: Okay, not exactly "What's your sign, baby?", but you're a little rusty, so I'll cut you some slack...

LEIA: I don't know what you're talking about. I'm a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission for Alderaan.

VADER: (to Leia) You are part of the Rebel Alliance, and a traitor. Take her away!

(The stormtroopers haul Leia away.)

A: You silver-tongued devil, you.

V: Hush.

A: You do realize that holding her is dangerous?

(Vader walks away, an officer in step beside him.)

OFFICER: Holding her is dangerous.

A: Is there an echo in here?

OFFICER: If word gets out, it could generate sympathy for the Rebellion in the Senate.

A: Yeah, what he said.

VADER: (to officer) I have traced the Rebel spies to her. Now, she is my only link to finding their hidden base.

OFFICER: She'll die before telling you anything.

VADER: Leave that to me. Send a distress signal, then inform the Senate that all aboard were killed.

A: Oh, like they're going to believe that.

V: Hey, they listened to Jar Jar that one time, didn't they?

A: Oh, yeah. Politicians *can* be pretty foolish, huh?

V: Yep.

A: I mean, one of them actually married *you*.

V: Yeah, that's--hey!







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