ANAKIN: Far be it from me to question your technique, but is there a reason you're swinging that thing around like a drunken Wookiee?

VADER: Yes.

(pause)

A: And that reason is...?

V: I...just like making the pretty sparks.

A: Oh. Well, I suppose that's all right, then.

(Vader forces Luke backward out onto the narrow walkway, and knocks him to the ground.)

VADER: (aloud) You are beaten. It is useless to resist. Don't let yourself be destroyed as Obi-Wan did.

(Luke bats Vader's lightsaber away, regains his feet. After a flurry of blows he lands a strike against Vader's shoulder. Vader cries out.)

V: Hey! I just polished that armor you little--!

(Vader launches another attack.)

A: Whoa, calm down, chief! You want him alive, remember? Find your happy place! Find your happy place!

(Vader severs Luke's hand.)

V: Found it!

(Vader lowers his blade.)

VADER: (aloud) There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you.

(Luke begins crawling backward along the gantry, away from him.)

A: Oh, man. It's all fun and games until someone loses an appendage.

V: No, that's when the fun and games *start*. Besides, once he joins me, I can always take him out to get a new hand. Maybe a nice gold number like that arm I used to sport.

A: That flashy, useless thing?

V: Oh, c'mon! A brutha's gotta have a little bling-bling.

A: A little what? What does that even mean?

V: I don't know. It sounds cool, though, doesn't it?

VADER: (aloud) Luke, you do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me, and I will complete your training. With our combined strength we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.

A: Wow, when you put it like that it almost sounds reasonable.

V: Almost?

A: Well, the homicidal rampages kind of undercut your credibility.

LUKE: I'll never join you!

A: See?

VADER: (aloud) If you only knew the power of the Dark Side....Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.

LUKE: He told me enough. He told me you killed him.

A: Why, that lying sack of--!

VADER: (aloud) No. *I* am your father.

(Luke recoils in horror.)

A: I don't think he's buying it, dude.

LUKE: No. No! that's not true! That's impossible!

VADER: (aloud) Search your feelings; you know it to be true.

LUKE: Nooooo! Nooooooooo!

A: This is going well...

VADER: (aloud) Luke, you can destroy the Emperor. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny. Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son!

(Luke glances down into the chasm, then looks back at Vader.)

A: He's going to jump. Better hold onto your hat.

V: He is not going to jump. That "Skywalker" thing isn't literal, you know.

A: He is completely going to jump. And I'm not kidding about holding onto your hat--the way that helmet's wiggling around in the wind, it looks like your head's about go airborne...

V: Ten credits says he doesn't do it.

A: You're on.

V: All right, we--hey, wait a minute. You don't have any money!

A: Eh. You'll float me a loan, right?

(pause)

A: Buddy?

(pause)

A: Pal?

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