ANAKIN: It's not too late to turn back, you know. Just take the kid and run for it.

VADER: Yes, it is too late. My fate--and Luke's--is sealed now.

A: Wow. You're so darn chipper, you know that?

V: I'm simply being realistic.

A: Well, realism is overrated, if you ask me.

(Luke and Vader start climbing the stairs toward the Emperor's throne.)

V: *huff-puff*...Man...*huff-puff*...For a guy who hobbles around on a cane, Palpatine--*huff-puff*--sure does have a lot of stairs.

A: Gettin' a cardio workout there, huh?

V: I mean, come on. *huff-puff* The Empire mastered escalator technology years ago. Why can't he use it?

A: Dude, you have *so* let yourself go since Bespin. It's a good thing you've got that armor to hold in your beer-belly.

V: Hey, I don't drink beer.

A: Right, right. I forgot. You're a wine spritzer man.

V: You...*huff-puff*... make it sound like a bad thing.

A: Not at all. It's a manly drink for a manly man. *snicker*

V: *huff-puff* I'm starting to see spots... *huff-puff*

A: Deep, even breaths, man. You're almost there. Just keep your back straight, and maybe no one will notice...

(Luke and Vader stop at the top of the stairs, and the Emperor swivels his throne around to greet them.)

V: You think he'd let me borrow his chair for a while? *huff-puff*

EMPEROR: Welcome, young Skywalker. I've been expecting you. You no longer need those.

(The Emperor gestures, and Luke's shackles fall from his wrists.)

A: That trick would have been pretty useful on Geonosis.

EMPEROR: I'm looking forward to completing your training. In time, you will call *me* Master.

LUKE: You're gravely mistaken. You won't convert me as you did my father.

EMPEROR: Oh, no, my young Jedi. (he rises and approaches Luke) You will find it is you who are mistaken...about a great many things.

VADER: (aloud) His lightsaber.

(Vader hands Luke's lightsaber to the Emperor.)

EMPEROR: Ah, yes. A Jedi's weapon. Much like your father's. By now you must know that your father can never be turned from the Dark Side. So will it be with you.

LUKE: You're wrong. Soon I'll be dead, and you with me.

A: HEL-lo!

(The Emperor laughs.)

EMPEROR: Perhaps you refer to the imminent attack of your Rebel fleet.

A: I'm really not liking the sound of this...

EMPEROR: I assure you, we are quite safe from your friends here.

(The Emperor heads back toward his seat.)

LUKE: Your overconfidence is your weakness.

EMPEROR: Your faith in your friends is yours.

(The Emperor sits, and Vader turns to Luke.)

VADER: (aloud) It is pointless to resist, my son.

A: Sorry, but could we get back to the whole "us being dead" business?

V: Relax, Palpatine said we'd be safe.

A: Riiiiiiight. You know, I seem to recall Palpy also said, "Hey, Ani, don't worry--this groovy black helmet will really help you rope in the chicks." And how well has *that* been working out, huh?

(The Emperor sits back on his throne.)

EMPEROR: Everything that's transpired has done so according to my design. Your friends, up there on the Sanctuary Moon, are walking into a trap. As is your Rebel fleet. It was *I* who allowed the Alliance to know the location of the shield generator. It is quite safe from your pitiful little band.

A: Now, joining a band--*that* would have gotten you the chicks.

V: Quiet.

EMPEROR: An entire *legion* of my best troops awaits them. (he leans forward with an expression of mock sympathy) I'm afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive...

V: See? No worries.

A: A legion of his best troops, huh?

V: You heard the man.

A: Have you ever met a stormtrooper who could hit the broad side of a bantha?

V: Well, uh...

A: May I suggest you start picking out a coffin...?

© 1998-2004 rabidbantha@hotmail.com