ANAKIN: Stay on target...

VADER: What?

A: Stay on target...!

V: What are you talking about?

A: Don't know. Just seemed like the thing to say. Kinda catchy, though, huh?

(One of Vader's wingmen shoots Wedge's X-Wing, which goes flying out of the trench.)

VADER: (to wingmen) Let him go. Stay on the leader.

A: Hey, that's pretty sporting of you.

V: Eh. I have my moments.

(Up ahead, Biggs's X-Wing bobs and weaves across the trench, trying to block the TIEs' progress. Vader opens fire and destroys it. Moments later, Biggs's mustache splats against the viewport of Vader's TIE Fighter like a fuzzy caterpillar.)

A: Awww, sick! Get it off! GET IT OFF!!!!

(Vader hits a button, and a windshield wiper sweeps back and forth over the window, removing the mustache.)

A: Yuh-hu-hu-huuuuuuuck!

V: Oh, calm down. It's gone.

A: Sorry, man. Freaky facial hair does that to me.

V: Wimp.

VADER: (to wingmen) I'm on the leader.

(Vader closes in on Luke.)

VADER: (aloud) The Force is strong with this one.

A: Man, you got that right. I wonder if...

V: What?

A: What if it's...

V: What if it's what?

A: Dude...what if it's Yoda?

V: Excuse me?

A: Come on, look at the Force power coming from that ship. And you didn't actually see Yoda die, did you? What if he's just been hiding, and decided that now would be a good time to come back and start kicking butt again?

V: That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. His feet wouldn't even be able to reach the pedals!

A: Yeah, but--

V: And he'd have to sit on a booster seat to see over the dashboard!

A: Well, all right Mr. Smart Guy, who do *you* think it is?

V: I don't know...maybe it's just some plucky farmboy with the disembodied spirit of Obi-Wan Kenobi urging him on...

(pause)

A: Are you completely high...?

V: Hey, it's possible.

A: What--you being high, or the other thing?

V: The other thing.

A: Yeah, when Kowakian monkey-lizards fly out of your--whoa, wait a minute...

V: What?

A: Is it just me, or does the astromech on that X-Wing look awfully familiar?

V: It does kind of look--

A: Dude! It's Artoo!

V: Impossible.

A: No, seriously. Look!

V: You know, I think you might be right...

A: Man, it's reunion day on the old Death Star, huh? First Kenobi, then--

(Vader opens fire and blasts Artoo.)

A: Ho. Lee. Crap. What was that for?

V: You know Artoo--any second now, he would have whipped out some new gadget and saved the day. Can't have that.

A: Don't tell me the big, bad Sith Lord was *afraid* of the little astromech?

V: Only a fool wouldn't fear that droid's powers.

(Moments later, Vader's targeting scope locks in on Luke's ship.)

VADER: (aloud) I have you now.

(Vader begins to fire, when one of the escort TIEs explodes.)

VADER: (aloud) What?!

(Vader looks up toward the Falcon diving in.)

A: Eyes on the road! Eyes on the road!

TIE PILOT: Look out!

(The other TIE Fighter clips Vader's ship, which spins out of the trench...)

A: Oh, man, your insurance premiums are SO going to go up for this!

© 1998-2004 rabidbantha@hotmail.com