ANAKIN: Man, would it kill Palpatine to put some lights down here? Somebody's gonna trip over a cord or something.

VADER: (aloud) You cannot hide forever, Luke.

LUKE: I will not fight you.

VADER: (aloud) Give yourself to the Dark Side. It is the only way to save your friends. Yes. Your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for them are strong.

A: Listen, there's still time to resolve this peacefully--

VADER: (aloud) Especially for...

A: --just as long as you don't bring his twin sister into this.

VADER: (aloud) Sister.

A: D'oh!

VADER: So, you have a twin sister.

A: Oh, sure--act like *you* figured it out somehow. Me and my big mouth.

VADER: (aloud) Your feelings have now betrayed her, too. Obi-Wan was wise to hide her. Now his failure is complete. If you will not turn to the Dark Side, then perhaps she will.

(Luke attacks furiously.)

A: Great--now he's pissed. Way to go, D.

V: Relax, I can handle this.

A: Please. The kid's got at least twenty years on you.

V: And I've got twenty years' experience on him.

A: Dude, I've got a bad feeling about this. This is gonna end with another body part getting sliced off, I just know it.

V: Oh, right. What are the odds of *that* happening again?

(Luke's attack forces Vader back out onto the walkway over the reactor pit.

A: Anytime you want to whip out that experience you were talking about, go right ahead.

(Vader falls, and Luke hacks off his hand.)

A: And there it goes, ladies and gentlemen! Who called it? Who called it?

V: *sigh* You called it.

A: Damn straight!

V: Okay, perhaps I did underestimate the boy. A little.

A: You think? Well, look on the bright side--maybe you can stick that hand under your pillow and the Severed Appendage Fairy will leave you a few credits.

V: Who?

A: The Severed Appendage Fairy. He's like the Tooth Fairy's disgruntled cousin.

(The Emperor descends the steps, laughing.)

A: Man, I am so tired of that cackling. Can't he just laugh like normal people?

EMPEROR: (to Luke) Good. Your hate has made you powerful. Now, fulfill your destiny. Take your father's place at my side.

A: I mean, maybe just a giggle? Or even a guffaw? Is that too much to ask?

(Luke looks at his hand, then at Vader's severed wrist, and throws away his lightsaber.)

V: What's he doing?

LUKE: Never. I'll never turn to the Dark Side. You've failed, your Highness. I am a Jedi, like my father before me.

EMPEROR: (scowling) So be it...Jedi.

V: Let me get this straight. Luke's facing the ultimate evil and he throws away his weapon? How stupid is he?

A: It's not stupid. It's noble.

(pause)

A: With maybe just a splash of stupidity.

V: More like a tsunami. He sure as hell didn't get that from my side of the family.

A: Well, maybe you could get off your duff and go give the boy a hand. Ha! Get it? A hand? 'Cause yours just...with the cutting...and the thing...Ah, I kill me.

© 1998-2005 rabidbantha@hotmail.com