The Rabid Bantha Bar and Grille

Above Tatooine

(Aboard the captured Rebel Blockade Runner, an Imperial officer informs Vader that there is no sign of the stolen Death Star plans. He mentions that an escape pod was jettisoned during the fighting, but no life-forms were aboard. Vader deduces that the plans must be in the pod, and orders the officer to send a detachment down to retrieve them. Vader then heads back toward his Star Destroyer..)

ANAKIN: Hey, I've got an idea--why don't WE go down and retrieve them? Huh? It'll be nice to visit the old stomping grounds again...

VADER: Forget it.

A: Why not?

V: Because I'd rather not spend the next week cleaning sand out of every nook and crevice. Besides: black armor...scorching hot desert...not a good combination.

A: Wow. When'd you become such a wuss?

V: I don't have time for this.

A: I'm sorry, what was that? I don't speak Wuss-ese.

V: Oh, shut up.

A: Come on, man. Let's just head down. We can round up Kitster and Wald, and go out boozin', and talk about the good old days.

V: No.

A: Why not?

V: There are just...too many painful memories down there. Slavery...leaving my mother...that whole incident with the electric salad tongs and the dewback stampede...things I'd rather forget.

(Vader reaches the bridge of his Star Destroyer, strides over to the viewport. He stands with his hands behind his back as he eyes the planet.)

A: Dude, here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking we should go down there, knock back a couple of shots, and then go find Greedo and beat the crap out of him. Huh? Huh?

(pause)

V: Well, now. That *would* be interesting...

A: Yeah, I thought you'd like that. Then we can go find Sebulba and kick *him* around, too.

V: Now you're talking!

A: And old what's-his-name...the kid who said you were going to be bug squash if you entered the Boonta Eve Race. We could teach him a thing or too, as well.

V: Yeah. Yeah! And all those other kids--the ones who were always calling me "Ani Fanny". And everyone who ridiculed me for being a slave--I can show them *all* the power of the Dark Side! Hell, yeah!

A: Okay, I think we're getting a little carried away, here...

V: Oh, no, we're not. In fact, I've got a better idea.

(Vader turns to the captain of the ship.)

VADER: (to Captain) Captain, power up all the turbolasers and target Mos Espa.

(The captain begins to give orders.)

A: Um...Anakin to Crazy Person. Come in, Crazy Person. I think we should stop, now...

V: No way. I'll show 'em all.

CAPTAIN: (to Vader) Turbolasers ready, sir.

VADER: (to Captain) Fire at will!

(The laser blasts begin to rain down on the planet.)

A: *sigh* One of these days, I'm going to learn to keep my mouth shut...

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