In Cloud City (3)


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Three Bald
Guys Review...

(Lando leads Han, Leia and Chewie to a dining room, where they find Vader and Boba Fett waiting for them. Han reacts instantly, pulling his blaster and firing. Vader deflects the bolts with his hand, and uses the Force to yank the gun from Han's grip and pull it across the room into his own hand...)

VADER: (to all) We would be honored if you would join us...

(Lando and Han exchange words, and the door slides closed, sealing them in.)

ANAKIN: Man, you go through more gloves with that "deflect the laser" trick...

VADER: Yeah, but it looks cool. Helps maintain that bad-ass image.

A: True...

(Han and the others take their seats. Vader gestures to the platters of food laid out before them.)

VADER: (to all) Eat.

(They hesitate.)

VADER: (to all) EAT!!!!!!!

(Everyone, Boba Fett included, quickly begins to dine.)

A: Very subtle.

V: I'm not in the mood for subtle. I didn't spend all this time slaving over a hot stove just so they could sit there and *look* at the food. And why are they making those faces?

A: They've probably got indigestion, worrying about being tortured and killed.

V: Is *that* why they think I've been chasing them? Heavens, no! I just wanted to try out some new recipes on them....I'll have to straighten all that out with them later.

A: Well, then...maybe you're just a bad cook.

V: I'm a fantastic cook. I won the "Iron Chef Coruscant" competition, didn't I?

A: You won because you skewered the other chef with your lightsaber!

V: Hey, there was nothing in the rules against that....Did Solo just spit some of that Poached Tauntaun into his napkin?

A: Yup.

(Vader turns toward Han, and starts to pinch his fingers together in the "Force choke" gesture.)

A: Whoa! Take it easy there, buddy. Not everybody has your refined taste for food. Let him try some of the other dishes, first.

(Vader reluctantly eases.)

A: Maybe you just used too much paprika.

V: You can never use too much paprika.

A: But--

V: You can never. Use. Too. Much. P--

A: Okay, okay! Sheesh!

V: It's the wonder spice.

A: If you say so. Hey, look! The Wookiee's really scarfing up those pigs-in-blankets.

V: At least *one* of these Rebels has good taste...

(Boba Fett groans quietly, clutching his stomach.)

A: I don't think that Steamed Rancor Toe Jam is agreeing with our bounty hunter friend. I told you there'd be trouble with that dish.

V: But it's a delicacy! Somewhere.

(Fett groans again, then dashes from the room; moments later, they can hear retching sounds out in the hall.)

A: Another satisfied customer...

V: Shut up.

(Leia sets her spoon down.)

LEIA: (to Vader) This Dianoga Delight isn't bad, but...do you have any ketchup to go with it?

(Vader stares at her.)

A: Uh-oh.

V: Ketchup? She asks for ketchup?

(Vader crushes a goblet in his fist.)

A: Now, just calm d--

V: KETCHUP?!

(The window in the room suddenly shatters.)

VADER: (to Leia) You know, I thought we were just going to share a lovely meal and then go our separate ways. But you want ketchup? You can have all the ketchup you want--in the brig! GUARDS!!!!!

(Stormtroopers hurry in and drag the prisoners out of the room.)

A: Man, you really don't take constructive criticism well, do you...?

V: Don't bother me, now. I have to find a doggie bag...







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