Title: Until It Sleeps (8/?)
Rating: R/NC-17, for mentions of rape and prostitution
 

Dennis stared at me.  "What is it, Mark?"

My breath was getting shaky.  "Why didn't you tell me?"

Dennis tried to look confused, but I could see the panic flash across his
eyes.  "Tell you what?"

"You know what."  Dennis just closed his eyes, as if not seeing me could
make me go away.  "Why?  Are you...are you that scared of me that you can't
tell me when something like that happens to you?"  He still didn't answer.
"Dennis, what the hell kind of a relationship do we have if you can't even
come to me with something like that, that you have to sit there and carry
the burden on your own?"

"Why don't you tell me what kind of a relationship we have, Mark?  I'm not
sure I know anymore."  Dennis's voice was flat, but the fact he was huddled
in the corner of the couch like he was hiding gave away his emotion.

I took a deep breath, trying to find the composure to continue.  "I never
wanted it to be like this.  What kind of a person am I to sit there and
watch this happen and not know?"  And suddenly, all my self-control was gone
because it all came rushing back.  I had to tell him because if I didn't, I
was going to lose him.  "I should have known, Dennis, I should have known,
you know why?  Because the same thing happened to me.  The same fucking
thing."

Dennis glanced up at me.  "What?"

I closed my eyes, trying to keep back the tears.  Dammit, I'm not supposed
to cry...  "I was only 13 when my house burnt down and my parents died.  I
didn't have anywhere to go, anywhere to live, any way to survive."  My voice
broke.  "I was a prostitute.  I was a whore for five years.  Do you see?  Do
you see why I should have known?"  I wiped my eyes fiercely.  "And I'm not
over that myself, I don't think I've even started to deal with it, but I
would have tried to help you.  I could have helped you before we started
down this path."  I dropped down to sit on the table across from where
Dennis was still cowering on the couch.  The tears were falling again and I
didn't even care.  "Dennis, I'm so sorry.  Please...please tell me that this
isn't too fucked up to fix, tell me I haven't lost you."

Dennis's voice sounded distant, almost child-like in its sadness.  "I couldn
't tell you, Mark.  I...I can't...I was so scared...you were so angry..."

I want to kill Hunter and Stephanie for what they've done, but yet I know
I'm part of this problem too.  "I will change.  I will...I will go to
programs, or we will go to counseling, or whatever you need.    Dennis...you
mean that much to me, I swear to you, I.  Will.  Change."

Dennis finally turned to look at me, and I could see that he was crying
hard.  "Oh God...Mark, I can't even remember all of it..."  He pitched
forward at the same instant that I reached for him, and he ended up cradled
against my chest.  "I don't remember who it was!  I know someone...someone
raped me, and...I know Hunter was there, but it wasn't him....I tried so
hard to remember but I couldn't, and I didn't want to disappoint you..."

"Why would I be disappointed in you?"  I whispered into his hair.

"Because I let this happen, and I didn't think you would understand, and
I...Mark, I thought you would leave me...."  His hands clenched into my
shirt like he was trying to hold me in place.  "Tell me you won't leave."

"I won't leave."  I swallowed.  "I couldn't.  You're the only person who can
put up with me long enough to love me."

Dennis trembled slightly.  "Why won't you love me back then?  Why do I
always feel like you're only with me because you took pity on me?"

I wanted to tell him why.  Because love doesn't work right for me.  Because
everyone I love goes away.  But most of all... "Because I'm afraid."

"I'm afraid too."  Dennis blinked up at me.  "Can we be afraid together?"

"I think we could handle it."

We sat there in silence for awhile, as Dennis slowly stopped crying.
Eventually, he pulled away from me.  "I'm sorry too."

I tilted my head.  "What for?"

He absently rubbed his eyes.  "For going around feeling like I was to only
one who was in pain when you had been hurt the same way I was."

I bit my lower lip.  "You couldn't have known.  It's been buried too long."
I blushed at my next words.  "Thank you though.  For caring and all."

"Did you mean what you said?  About us getting...help?"  He looked to the
side, not meeting my eyes.  "I think we're both too screwed up to do this
alone."

"Whatever you need...."

"We need.  Whatever WE need."

Dennis's eyes, for the first time since I came out of the coma, held
determination.  "Whatever WE need."

Dennis smiled.  It was a small, weak smile, but it was there.  "I think what
we need is some sleep."

Neither of us wanted to move much, so we ended up lying on the couch.
Dennis was half on top of me, wrapped in my arms, and gradually, we drifted
off.  Sometime during the night I felt Kane lay a blanket over us and...no,
the bastard did not just kiss my forehead.  Stupid brother, I'm gonna get
him...

I felt Dennis stir in his sleep and nuzzle against me.  Tomorrow.  I'll get
him tomorrow