Top 7 reasons why SW is better than ST....
7. two words: the music
6. In ST, they have the brig. In SW they have rancor pits.
5. Jabba the Hutt against Captain Jainway.
4. What good is the Enterprise gonna be against that??? (Pointing at the Death Star)
3. In ST the good guys solve problems by talking it out. In SW the good guys, well, they have
LIGHTSABERS. See if anybody has a problem with 'em.
2. Stormtroopers don't use the prime directive. They use Blasters.
1. Take the Death Star up against The Enterprise and see what happens.
1. Voice-activated distorted-face Luke (minus right hand) that screams "I'll never join you!"
when you breathe through a can.
2. Fried Mynock practical joke
3. Cave on Dagobah playset; headless Vader sold separately
4. Limb-ripping action Chewbacca
5. Dead Jedi Masters collection
6. Whining Luke
7. Mos Eisely Cantina playset, Greedo sold separately (if you get my drift)
8. Luke Skywalker wig set
9. Talking C-3PO
10. Storm Trooper special edition "Expendable Force"
Lines you never heard in Star Wars
Anyone: Keep talking, 3PO, what you're saying is intruiging
Yoda: A Jedi whines not!
Random Imperial Storm trooper: No, I'd rather not. Sir.
Luke: My sister? Oh well, what she doesn't know can't hurt her
Vader: Luke, wait! You forgot your hand!!!
Vader: Ooooh look! What cute furry little creatures! (hugging Ewok)
Tarkin: Maybe we should try talking things over before we do anything drastic
Credit Cards--
Jedi Mastercard
VimaGold
Alderaan Express (Don't leave the planet without it--But *do* leave the planet!)
Popular Starlines:
Yavin Express
AA (alderaan airlines) (all terminals now defunct)
Coruscant Space
Lando's Luxury Liners
DISC (Disguised Imperial Star Cruisers)
Solo's Speeders (Only from Coruscant on)
Popular Fast-food diners
McPalpatine's
Exar King
Coruscant Jam (Only on-you guessed it-Coruscant!)
Yavin Foods
IHOP (Interplanetary House of Poodoo...er, Pancakes)
Endor's Biscuits 'n' Burgers
Cay's 'kay foods
Windy's (Only on Tatooine)
Byss Bistro
Leia's Buns 'n' stuff
Pulpy's Pulper (O.J. by the hour!{depending on how long the case lasts'})
Lick a Lizard! (compliments of Palpatine! [Private rooms available!])
CinnaMaster (Run by the Skywalker twins)
Popular Banks:
Last Union
Galaxy's Bank
Imperial Savings and Loan (They never loan, or save; it all goes into TIE fighters!)
Popular TV shows that got cancelled anyways: StDs
Good Morning, New Republic
The Exar Kun show (Today's topic: I killed a bunch of people, but I'm still savvay!)
GoodWookies
Naga Sadow's Exploding Funworld
Corporal Hospital
Standard Days of our lives
Mister Ulics Neighborhood
The old in the Rest Home
All my Jedi
Manarai Hills: 82337
Darkside Vornskr
Han and Luke: The Morning Guys
6. Star Wars isn't afraid to put the women in charge (ex. Leia, Mon Mothma, Admiral Daala, etc.).
5. In Star Wars, dead is dead. None of this Spock-Vulcan-resurrection bullcrap.
4. In Star Trek, to fix something you need to know about Dilythium Crystals and Anti-matter
enducers and Isolinear Chips and yadda yadda yadda. In Star Wars, the only thing you need to
know is that THIS one goes here, THAT one goes there!!
3. Those Ewoks aren't as annoying as those damn tribbles, plus they make better fighters too.
The tribbles are only good for target practice.
2. In Star Trek, the main reason that the Borg are such a big threat is that they can adapt to laser
fire, and block it. Yeah, right. Let's see how they adapt to a pissed off Wookie ripping their
arms off.
1. George Lucas and John Williams.
6. Learned to shoot baskets again.
5. Hit on Leia relentlessly, only to feel the need for continuous bathing by the halfway point
of ROTJ.
4. Played "Ring and Run" with doorways on board the Medical Frigate to practice his Force
skills until they kicked him out.
3. Waited around corners for women in dresses to walk past, then, reminiscent of Marilyn
Monroe, used the Force to blow up their skirts.
2. Spent a lot of time in the gymnastics facilities working on those AMAZING backflips, etc...
1....Learned how [censored] left handed!!!
Luke: Hey, what happened to Biggs? I could have sworn he was here a minute ago...
R2D2 : Anything coherent
Han : Okay, I admit it. It's all my fault.
Luke: You're kinda cute...can I buy you a drink?
Luke: (trying to impress girl) Wanna see some neat Jedi tricks?
Jabba : Anything that doesn't start with Hooo, Hoooo, Hooo
Yoda or Mon Mothma : I've fallen, and I can't get up!
C3PO : No comment
Chewbacca: Why don't I ever get the girl?
Han : I traded the Falcon in for this new family model...
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Luke, will you please stop whining?
Darth Vader: This is CNN.
Luke: Jeez, only one woman around, and she has to be my sister.
Imerial Officer: Why don't any of the rebels have this British accent?
Leia: I want my hairstylist executed - immediately.
Han : Chewie, you need shampoo AGAIN?!
Han : OUCH! Chewie, have you been using my razor again?
Boba Fett : You know, I'm actually a really nice guy when you get to know me...
Palpatine : Budget crisis? Whaddaya mean BUDGET CRISIS???
C3PO : Actually, I have nothing to say.
Luke (to Vader) : But what happens if I push this button on your chest that says Off?
or : This button that says "Reboot"?
or : This button that says "Light Side"?
or : Why do your buttons say "Mix", "Puree", "Blend", etc...?
or : Why do your buttons say "Wash", "Rinse", "Spin Dry", etc...?
R2: Judgement Day
Wookiee Cushion
Revenge of the Ewoks
A-Wing and a Prayer
Han Solo and the Whiny Kid
The Good, The Bad, and the Ewoks
Palpatine Forever
Clone Wars: The Musical
A Fistful of Credits
Mighty Morphin Power Jedi
Romancing the Holocron
Star Wars II : The Wrath of Darth
A Few Good Jedi
Forrest Jedi
14. Lifeguard
13. Gardener
12. Deep Sea Fishing Tour Operator
11. Sandbox Builder
10. Woodstove Salesman
9. Save The Rainforest Coalition Chairman
8. Ski Instructor
7. Golf Pro
6. Sandblaster
5. Pool Cleaner
4. Lawn Maintenance Worker
3. Naval Officer
2. Hockey Player
1. Your Ship's Cruise Director
The X-Wing Files
The Interdiction Zone
Leave It To Vader
Empires Most Wanted
Lost In Hyperspace
I Dream Of Leia
Slaywatch
S*M*A*S*H
Mad At You
One Life To Survive
Detainment Tonight
Death Star 9
Tales from the Dark Side
Monday Night Invasion
Space Under Fire
Veers!
Wheel of Torture
Jeopardy
Star Search (& Seizure!)
Hate Boat
1) An incredible battle is in progress. Luke does an amazing, Force coordinated backflipping, summersaulting, rolling, diving, ducking maneuver. As he finishes, we see his companions Han, Leia, Chewbacca, Lando, etc, all standing around. They have killed all the bad guys while Luke was fooling around, and they are now all holding signs saying 6.4, 7.3, and the like...
2) Luke, after all those years alone, finally gets a girlfriend. After they finally have sex for the first time, the ghostly images of Ben, Yoda, and Anakin appear to him in a dream, yell at him for hours for being a disgrace to the Light Side Jedi, and strip away his powers as punishment.
3) The ghost of Greedo begins to haunt Han, and follows him everywhere. In an effort to stop his friend from going insane, an exorcism is performed by Luke, and the spirit of Greedo leaves Han, only to become imbedded in C3PO, who can now only speak in Rodian.
4) We find out that C3PO has been incorrectly translating R2D2's beeps, wharbles, and whistles for years. All R2D2 has ever been doing is asking for a voice modulator.
5) Leia, finally fed up with Han's irresponsibility and hijinks, and Mara Jade, fed up with Lando's cavalier attitude and smoothness, move in together, become lesbians, and get Hers and Hers towels...
6) C3PO, misunderstanding the concept (again), reads a human romance novel, proceeds to drug Chewbacca and shave him down, in an effort to provide Han and Leia with a bearskin rug for their home. As he presents it, a defurred Chewbacca storms in and proceeds to dismantle C3PO for good.
7) At the closing of Return of the Jedi, Han and Leia retire to Leia's stateroom, and start fooling around. As Han removes Leia's robe, he leaps off the bed in horror, and flees across the room. Leia says I told you Luke was my brother - my twin brother. They just dressed me up like this to hide me better from the Empire, as the theme from The Crying Game plays in the background...a smiling ghostly image of Luke is seen in the corner smiling - he knew all along...
6. How to Cheat at Cards - and NOT Get Caught by Lando Calrissian
5. Everything I Needed to Know In Life I Learned - Then Killed Them - by Emporer Palpatine
4. It's Not Easy, Being Green - by Yoda
3. The Vornskr Brief by Talon Kardde
2. So Long, and Thanks for All The Ewoks
1. The Jedi's Guide to the Galaxy
7. Chewie insists on putting "Don't Like My Driving? Call 1-800-EAT-FODDER" on the back of the Falcon.
6. Han stopped letting Chewie take the controls after nasty encounter with bounty hunter at Ord Mantel when Chewie flipped him the bird.
5. Chewie always puts the deep-space communications bandwidth on KWOOKIE: less talk, more rock.
4. Chewie's already punctured the airbags with those damned claws of his.
3. When Chewie tells Han to "punch it" in wookie, it loses some effect and doesn't sound as cool when spoken in English.
2. Chewie constantly forgets to flush, and the stench has started to erode the circuits in the holo-chess game.
1. He's always wanting to drag with Imperial Star Destroyers.
4. Lucas' repeated refusal of R2D2's only audible words being "Screw you, 3P0!"
3. Saves everybody's butts and gets nothing in return but a good thorough cleaning.
2. Never got the chance to "rough up" that pint-sized, smartass, backward-talkin' Yoda.
1. X-wing droid slot causes itchy rash.
TOP 9 STAR WARS-ish THINGS TO SAY WHEN YOUR PARENTS MAKE A SURPRISE
VISIT TO YOUR HOUSE/DORM.
9. "Exciting is hardly the word I would use."
8. "Unexpected this is, and unfortunate."
7. Gesture around the room and say to your roommates, "If they don't go for this, we're gonna
have to get outts here pretty quick."
6. Say to them, as they come in the door, " You've gotta lotta guts coming here after what you pulled."
5. Ask them for money, then if they ask why they must pay __________ (fill in the amount)...
Have a friend yell "Because he's holding a thermal detinator!" (everyone dive for cover)
4. If they ask why the place is in sucha mess reply with, "Your eyes can deceive you - don't trust
them ... I've let go my conscious self and acted on instinct."
3. "I've got a bad feeling about this."
2. "Lock the doors, and hope they don't have blasters!"
1. If they ask how you are doing in school say, "When I left you, I was but the learner, now I am
the master."
"Top Ten Sexually Tilted Lines in the Movie Star Wars"
1.'She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts,kid.'
2.'Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!'
3.'Look at the size of that thing!'
4.'Sorry about the mess...'
5.'Put that thing away before you get us all killed'
6.'Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?'
7.'You've got something jammed in here real good.'
8.'HAn my boy you disappoint me.'
9. 'Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?'
10.'Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care WHAT you smell!'"
TOP SIX FAVORITE MUSIC GROUPS OF THE STAR WARS UNIVERSE...
6. Storm Temple Troopers
5. Smashing Ewoks
4. Jabba Jam
3. Emperor's Melon
2. The Alluvial Nappers
1. George the Wet Sprocke
TOP SEVEN FOODS AT THE WORLD FAMOUS STAR WARS RESTAURANT...
7. Vader Taters
6. Baked Bantha
5. Salacious Breadcrumbs
4. Hamill Hashbrowns
3. Han's Hot Cakes
2. Filet of Ackbar
1. Live Ewok