"Whoa Cartman, talk about a wide load!"
"Cartman, you're SUCH a fat ass, that when you walk down the street people go GOD DAMN IT! THAT'S A BIG FAT ASS!"
ON CARTMAN BEING ON TV
"I don't think they're gonna be able to get all of you in one frame, Cartman."
ON HIS BROTHER IKE
"Yeah, check this one out. Ready Ike? Kick the baby!"
ON VISITORS
"Yeah, they abduct people and they mutilate cows"
ON CARTMAN'S ANAL PROBE
"We told you they were real Cartman. Sorry to hear about your ass."
"Why are you walking so funny Cartman?"
ON CARTMAN'S FARTS
"Dude, he's farting fire!"
"Come on Cartman, FART!"
"He can't hold it in forever!"
HIS MESSAGE TO THE VISITORS
"Hey, you scrany ass! @$#%! What's the @$#% is wrong with you!? You must be some kind of @$#% to even ignore a crying child!!"
"You know what you @$#% like, you like to @$#% and @$#% and @$#% and @$#%!!!"
ON HIS PET ELEPHANT
"My mom won't let me keep him in the house. She says he's too big and that his poop is bigger than our couch."
ON PARENTS
"Yeah, I think that parents only get so offended by television because they rely on it as the sole educator of their kids."
ON WHAT TO DO SINCE 'TERRANCE AND PHILLIP' HAVE BEEN CANCELED
"Hey, why don't we go watch some of those porno movie thingies!?"
