This deep dark sadness
In me cries
Faith that your words
Are not lies.

I wish and hope
And dream and fear,
Yet can not stop
A single tear.

You brought me joy
Then took it back,
Now I wonder,
What was that!?

It’s going badly
Here alone,
I only wish to
Go come back home.

It’s over now,
If it ever was
More than just
Mistaken Love.

I will remember,
Yes, I will,
Just one more mem’ry
Power to kill.

So, he wakens
From the dream
A waking hell
Or actor’s scene.

And now I return to sleep
The comfort of Death’s embrace
This rat has run far too long
This time, has run her last rat race.

And just how many bandaids this time? Well, stay tuned, k? hehehe ~~JA

Strange cat, who is estranged,
Lap happy at thy dish,
Whilst thou art as curious as "Felix,"
And bold as "Bill."

Thou art not stranger to this,
Mine indifference!
Mine sufferage is thine own,
And it is pure in its essence as,
Thou art the hunter wild!

Your name has en-genréd many;
A Karenina, Katherine, Katie and Kate,
Thou art still a mischief-maker,
To date.

But time has endeared you, ,
Enwrappéd you thus,
Your empathic nature has named you,
Sir Puss! Thine honor exposed!

Dear furréd friend, ,
Whose friendship doth crave,
You sleeping meekly,
Upon windowsill…

You show me myself,
In your unsocial form,
Enwrappéd, enslaved, introvert,
You are still.

But, I like it not,
To see what I am! ,
Methinks, next, a dog! ,
The lesser I am!

High upon a lonely hill
Where thoughts of you haunt me still;
Enshrouded in the streaming clouds,
A full moon beckons forth my Will.

As dreaming is endless
Time is pure
And we are no longer who we were...

The songs of day? They are, no more;
But I've grown weary keeping score.
Who cares if one or the other wins?
It doesn't matter anymore.

As dreaming is endless
Time is pure
And we are no longer who we were...

Time has altered us as one
Too much for it to be undone
For all the power of the moon
'Tis a poor mirror to the sun.

As dreaming is endless
Time is pure
and we are no longer who we were...

So, to the moon who beckons me:
My Will it is, you remember me
Long after my bonds of earth are shed
And moonlight shines on a clear blue sea.

As dreaming is endless
Time is pure
Always remember who we were.

'Tis evening in mine heart tonight
My tears reflected by firelight
I see now that it has come true,
My nightmare; disappointing you.

I am the best that I can be
A heart so full of love, you see,
That I had hoped one day would find
The mirror of its own in kind.

Now, I've doubts of you and I
Whilst I sit alone and cry
And think of all you've said to me
Consoling, trying to comfort me.

I know you love me, yes, I do!!
But even you must feel it too..
And I wonder now, you see,
If you are drifting away from me.

I'm merely sad, not paranoid,
As I gaze into this void
That spreads between us now, it seems,
Threatening to swallow dreams.

I won't allow it yet! I cry,
I'd sooner fight, I'd sooner die!
For if this is the way it is
Then death be easier than this!

But sufferage is as sufferage does
And onward ever with lesser loves
Of friends to keep a purpose in
A future bleak and getting thin.

Painted glass, reflecting light
With eyes of amber in firelight.
The eyes, deceptive, what is true?
What is real and who are you?

You play to an audience of none
That doth encompass everyone
Who cast themselves at your feet
For you to trod on in retreat.

But "what?" You say, in disbelief,
When caught out cold, like a thief,
Then protest your innocence
And chide "them" for their arrogance.

What see you in your painted glass?
A ready smile too quick to laugh
At the lowly, stupid infidel
Whose eager love you would sell.

Mirror, mirror, is it me,
This lovely haunted face I see?
Or I am hidden deep inside
Where demons and angels still collide?

Tortured soul or spoiled child
Keeper of memories defiled,
Pray the angels still can win
And save whatever's left within.

With all the hope that I hold dear
That time won't stop and catch me here
Inside myself, where still, I hide
Unwilling yet to face my fear.

Fear of loving, fear of love
Fear of fighting gods above;
Fear of one more broken trust
Fear of facing love or lust.

And all the while hide it away
This fragile heart that fears the day
This soul of twisted pure desire
Wrought upon a devil's fire?

Mirror, mirror, what say you
To all this shame and seeing true?
The way that truth hath twisted me
Into this wretch that you show me!!

So, tell me mirror, tell me why!
The years of truth have spawned a lie
And as the dying cometh near
Is it really death I fear...?

But, in the end, my painted glass,
We see ourselves before we pass
Into the void from whence we came
Our silvered glass will remain.

The winter air, crisp, clean and sharp against my skin
Feels good upon me e’n through the woolen that I wander in.
The streets are so deserted, only empty cars line the road
Like unto long dead beasts of yore, who’ve only left their skin.

And like unto this lonely street, my life has come to be,
With memories, only, left by those who’ve walked away from me.
The hollow hallways of my heart with echoes long forgot
Are like unto the empty streets where winter comforts me.

I do not wish for sympathy, nor care at all n' more
For all the bitter water that has washed up on the shore,
I sometimes wish my thoughts were numb just as my heart is now
So I would just not give a shit about it anymore.

........... excerpt from a poem by Aleister Crowley