Author's note:  This doesn't quite fit in with the canon timeline, but I hope you'll allow me to get away with it.  I would have loved to have seen Angel's reaction to Buffy's engagement to Spike.  Unfortunately, at the time Angel was going through some pretty heavy stuff of his own, namely, the death of a friend.

I wanted said friend alive for this story, after all, this is meant to be light and humorous and Doyle's a fun character to write, particularly the way he and Angel bounce of each other.  (Cordy just doesn't quite cut it.)  So just pretend that Doyle dies later rather than sooner.  Okay?  And while we're at it, we can also pretend that Buffy's engagement lasted a little longer than it did in the episode.
 

Disclaimer:  The characters and situations contained within are the property of Mutant Enemy Productions/Twentieth Century Fox.  No copyright infringement is intended.
 

"I'm gonna kill him!"

Doyle looked up in fright at the sudden outburst, it was the last thing he expected from Angel on this relatively quiet night.  Well, morning.  The past 24 hours had been completely insane and the trio were only now sitting down and catching up. "Who?"

"Spike, that no good, rotten, blood-sucking..."  Angel continued to mumble a series of unflattering terms under his breath as Doyle left his chair and carefully walked to Angel's side, noticing that the letter Angel had been reading was now half-crumpled with rage.

"Spike?  Don't get me wrong here, Angel, but I thought you two weren't ever gonna kill each other."

"What?"

"You and Spike, you kinda had something going..."

At Angel's incredulous, not to mention dangerous, look, Doyle quickly back-peddled.  "What I'm saying is you had that whole 'I won't kill you if you won't kill me thing' happening because you enjoy beating the crap out of each other...."  Nope, Angel still looked mad.  "Because you like the fact that your evil nemesis is out there and the fact that you can kick his butt in a fight any time you want makes you feel like a man...."  Oh, this was just getting worse and worse.  Doyle decided he'd just better shut up.

Angel was shaking his head in a mixture of exasperation and frustration.  "Doyle-" and he obviously gave up.  He picked up the letter and thrust it in his friend's face.  "Read this while I get my coat."

"Angel, you promised Cordy, no fighting the bad guys for a while.  After the whole demon thing, you need a break."  He paused, almost shivering at the memory of the six-eyed, horned and fanged monsters.  "And frankly, so do I."

Angel just ignored him.  "I'm going to Sunnydale.  Coming?"

Doyle threw up his hands in frustration.  "It's almost dawn!"

"Then get the van.  You can drive."

"No way, man, I am beat.  I'll crash the thing before we get two miles.  Look, whatever it is, it can wait."

"You think this can wait?"  Angel threw the letter at Doyle who only just managed to catch it.  As Doyle scanned it, he could only groan.
 

Dear Angel,

I know we said we wouldn't write to each other but I had to tell you how happy I am.  Spikey and I are getting married!!!  Yes, that's right, married!  I can't believe we never realised before now how we felt about each other.  I mean, he's everything I ever wanted....

Ooops, lost my train of thought, because Spike wanted another round of, well, you know what.  And don't worry, he's not going to bite me or anything because he's...um...Spikey just says that he can't bite.  But that's totally okay because believe me, he can kiss really good.

We're getting married on Sunday night - it has to be night but you know all about that, don't you - and if you want to come it would be really good!  But I guess you wouldn't really want to come, seeing as how we used to date and everything.  So I just wanted to tell you how happy I was and please don't be sad anymore.  You were right: it could never have worked between us because I was meant to be with Spike.

I'm so happy and I can't wait.  I have my dress picked out and everything.  Give my love to Cordelia and your other new friend.

Your ex,
Buffy.

"Okay," said Doyle, putting his hand on Angel's shoulders and pushing his friend back into a chair.  "I know it sounds bad.  But just think it over for a while, okay?  Get some sleep.  Write her a letter if you have to.  But don't go tearing off back to Sunnydale in a mood like this because you'll only make things worse."

"Things could not get any worse," Angel mumbled despondently.  Cordelia walked in.

"Hey guys, I brewed up a new kind of coffee-"  As she saw their dark expressions, she broke off.  "So who died?"
 

Dear Buffy,

I love you.

Angel.

(crumple)
 

Buffy,

You're obviously delusional.  Hold on and I'll be there tomorrow.  I have to tell you something....

(crumple)

Angel sighed wearily.

~~~

To Buffy:

I know we were never really, like, friends or anything, we were more like people who were in the same room an awful lot and fought demons together.  Which reminds me, you still owe me for that dress.  And I could really use a new dress right about now.

Anyway, I heard that you and Spike are getting married.  Um, HELLO, Buffy, you're marrying Spike who tried to kill you and your friends like seventeen hundred times!  Are you on drugs?  Or maybe someone hit you over the head or something.  Because the Buffy I knew would have just whammed a stake right through Spike's heart the moment he started flirting with her.

Although Spike was pretty cute in a bad boy kind of way.  Hmmm.  Maybe you do know what you're doing.  Especially since you say he can't bite anymore, and you seem to have this thing for vampires and we know that you and Angel aren't ever going to work out because of that little problem of him going evil and all that.  So I guess Spike is the next best thing.

Hey Buffy?  Can I be your bridesmaid?

Your good friend,
Cordelia

~~~

Angel,

I'm not sure if you've heard the news and decided to pass it along regardless.  Buffy is under some kind of spell or curse that Willow and I have been unable to break.  Please sit down as you read this, I don't want you to have a terrible shock.

Buffy is getting married.  I understand that you wanted her to move on with her life apart from you and I believe you wanted her to be happy, but please listen to me.  She is intent on marrying Spike, yes, the Spike we all know and love so dearly.  Only he's been neutered somehow so he's no longer able to harm people.

Nonetheless, we had been keeping him incapacitated until Buffy fell in love with him, and he likewise with her.  They are absolutely besotted with each other and you'll excuse me if I describe it as stomach-turning.  Buffy seems to have no comprehension of who Spike actually is and what he's done to her and our friends in the past.

I'm hoping that you could perhaps come back to Sunnydale and try to bring some sense back to Buffy.  After all, you were her one true love, were you not?  If she sees you she may realise that this romance with Spike is no more than a farce.

Yours sincerely,
Rupert Giles

~~~

Dear Miss Summers,

Hi.  I don't know you really well, but I'm a good friend of Angel's and you know who Angel is.

Um, that sentence didn't come out quite right.  But it's late and I really don't feel like rewriting this letter and I have to send it as soon as possible to warn you that Angel's coming.

I know you invited him to your wedding but he's planning on leaving as soon as possible.  We're just lucky Cordy and I managed to talk him into thinking it over for 24 hours.

He's pretty upset.  I don't know if I'm supposed to tell you this or not, but Angel's still in love with you.  So don't you think your letter was just a little inappropriate?  Talk about rubbing his face in it.  You should have broken it to him gently.

And I won't even mention the fact that Spike is his arch-nemesis (don't you love that title?).  So Angel's looking to - well, I don't think he'd actually really kill Spike, or maybe he would, but that's not the point.  Actually, that is the point.  Just be careful.  If you really love the guy then I wish you all the best and I hope that you and Spike and Angel can work this out and all be friends.

Okay?  Good luck.

Yours sincerely,
W.F. Doyle.

~~~

My dearest darling Buffy,

You are in class right now (although I really don't see the point, because I'm going to take care of you for the rest of your life).  Anyway, I miss you and I love you.  That's all.  XXXOOOXXX

Your eternal love-muffin,
Spike.

~~~

Dear Buffy,

I really wish you'd talked to me about this.  Or maybe given me a clue.  Just when did you start to have a thing for Spike?  Was it when you met him?  Because if it was, I feel really betrayed here because that's when we were together.

Was it during the whole Angelus phase?

Buffy, if it was, then I am so, so, so sorry.  I never meant to hurt you like that.  Please believe me.  I love you-

(crumple)

~~~

Dear Cordy,

I hope you don't mind me writing to you like this.  I know we haven't really talked all that much since we broke up and you left and I left, but I'm worried about Buffy and I was hoping you could talk to Angel for me.

See, Buffy has gone completely insane and says she's going to marry Spike.  And that is just wrong, it is so wrong and it gives me the willies just thinking about it.  So can you tell Angel to come back to Sunnydale and talk some sense into her?

And you could come too.  Then maybe we could catch up?  It would be really good to see you again.

Yours,
Xander
 

"Puh-lease."  (crumple)

~~~

Xander,

Angel is on his way.  Good luck.

Cordelia.

~~~

To Miss Cordelia Chase:

I know what you're doing.  I saw that letter you sent to Xander.  And I just have one thing to say to you.  Stay Away From My Boyfriend!  Yes, that's right, Xander is my boyfriend now.  Mine.  Okay?  You can't have him back EVER.

From Anya.

~~~

"Hey Cordy?"

"Mmmm?"

"Who's this Xander guy?"

"Hey, that's my letter.  Give it back!"

~~~

Willow,

Could you get Buffy to meet me at my old place tonight?  I really need to talk to her.

Thanks,
Angel.

"Yeah, like she'd actually go," laughed Willow mirthlessly and then groaned, because Buffy was drawing hearts filled with the letters B&S all over her notebook again.

~~~
.
.
"Angel!"

"Buffy!"

"Angel?"

"Spike..."

"This is gonna, hurt, right...?"
.
.
~~~

Dear everyone who wrote to me,

(I am photocopying this letter because otherwise I'll get writer's cramp and that is just so not good for a Slayer.)

I AM NOT MARRYING SPIKE!  Please blame my temporary insanity on a spell that went wrong.  I'm all better now.

-Buffy SUMMERS <-- to stay that way for a long time.
 

"Well, crap," Spike said, "I thought Buffy the Bloody sounded quite good," and he threw the letter away.

~~~

Invoice No:  00009
To:  Miss Buffy Summers
University of Sunnydale

Amount:  $1000
Being for:  The services of Angel Investigations in assisting in removing you from an abusive relationship.

Please forward your payment as soon as possible.

(Personal note:  Buffy, I've reduced our fee by 10% because I know you and Angel were close.  Regards, Cordelia.)

---
END.
 

Feedback is muchly appreciated at stardestiny@bigfoot.com