Hearing Takrin behind her, Rhi' turned…just in time to get a handful of packed snow right in the face. "Erph!" She finished packing the snow she had in her hands and raised her arm. She let fly just as Takrin was pulled to the ground…and Lyris Sedai's voice behind her, calling her name, further threw off her aim. In mid throw, she couldn't stop in time to keep from releasing the snowball. She watched with dismay as the little white missile arced wildly over the fence, catching Master Ohn squarely in the chest. [Oops] She turned and dipped a curtsey to the Mistress of Novices; waiting for the dressing-down she feared would follow.

But Lyris Sedai seemed to have something else on her mind. "Rhi'hara. You will come with me."

She gave her companions a quick, wondering look, shrugged her shoulders and hurried to follow the woman, who was already striding back toward the tower.

She worried at first that she was being taken to Lyris' office for a lecture and setting of some horrendous penance, but once inside, the mistress of novices took several unfamiliar hallways and stairs that led down into the depths of the tower's lower levels. Rhi' was curious, but afraid to break the silence that stretched between them.

They had gone down several levels, when Lyris Sedai stopped in front of a large wooden door. Realization hit her like an avalanche. The arches. HER arches. Lyris tugged the door open and motioned for Rhi' to enter. She walked into a large room, dominated by a dome-like, silver construct. Rhi' sensed, rather than saw that the thing was a Ter'angreal. Aes Sedai sat before each of the `openings'. All were haloed by the glow of Saidar.

Lyris Sedai fixed Rhi' with a solemn look. "Novices who are brought to the arches are given three chances. You may refuse to enter, twice. If you refuse a third time, you will be sent away from the Tower forever. Do you refuse?"

"No, Aes Sedai, I do not refuse." Rhi' was astonished at how level her voice sounded, she was trembling inside. There were `rumors' about the arches (mostly told and retold by novices in the late hours before bed). Stories that would make her hair stand on end, if she believed them all to be entirely true.

"Good. Now, I will tell you two things that no woman hears until she stands where you are. Once you begin, you must go on to the end. Refuse, at any point, and you will put out of the Tower…just as if you had refused to begin for the third time. Second, to seek…to strive…is to know danger. Some have entered and never come out. When the ter'angreal was allowed to grow quiet, they…were…not…there. They were never seen again. If you are to survive, you must be steadfast. Falter…fail…and..."

Rhi' swallowed. Lyris' meaning was clear.

"This is your last chance. Refuse now, and it counts only as the first. You may still try twice more. If you accept now, there is no turning back. It is no shame to refuse, Rhi'hara. Choose."

"I will begin." Again the words were strong and clear. If she had been called, `they' must feel she was ready.

"Then prepare yourself."

As directed, Rhi' removed her novice dress and shift, folding and placing them in a neat pile atop her shoes. Finally, her stockings and undergarments were placed neatly atop the pile. As she removed her clothes, she tried to prepare herself for whatever was to come by running through the calming techniques that she had been taught. It helped little, if at all. Taking a deep breath, she gave up and stepped to the place indicated, waiting for what would come next…

"Whom do you bring with you, Sister?" one of the other Aes Sedai intoned formally.

"One who comes as a candidate for Acceptance, Sister," Lyris responded.

"Is she ready?"

"She is ready to leave behind what she was, and, passing through her fears, gain Acceptance."

"Does she know her fears?"

"She has never faced them, but now is willing."

"Then let her face her fears."

"The first time is for `what was'. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast."

Taking a deep breath, Rhi' stepped into the glowing entrance. The atmosphere seemed to shift and alter. She felt a 'washing away' of… something. She looked down at her feet, covered in deep gray velvet slippers. Strange…for the tiniest moment, she'd imagined that she was somewhere else. Surrounded by…no, that's not possible…Aes Sedai don't sit around naked! Rhi'hara smiled to herself. It must be my condition She continued climbing the stairs, one hand holding her skirt up to keep it from dragging on the stone steps. In the other hand she carried a small wooden box tied with a lavender cord. A soft, secretive smile played at the corners of her lips. At the top of the stairs she paused for a moment to glance at the tapestry hanging from the wall, as she always did. Pride in her handiwork broadened her smile a little more. Aeylan prized this one over all his treasures (except her, he said). She tugged gently at the cuffs of her close- fitted sleeves and turned to examine her reflection in the polished silver of the mirror hanging across from the tapestry. Her dress was of heavy washed blue silk and silvery damask, fit closely to the hip and draped from there to the floor. Her hair was pinned up at the front, with red-gold ringlets that hung to her waist and her eyes twinkled with excitement. She nodded with satisfaction at her appearance. Everything had to be perfect. She crept along the hall; her suede-soled slippers soundless on the stone flooring covered with thick rugs. She paused again, at the door of her husband's library, and peeked around the frame. Aeylan sat in his chair, reading from a large leather bound book, his back to the door.

Taking a quiet breath, Rhi'hara stepped into the room holding the box behind her. "So, this is where you've gotten off to, my husband. I expected to find you poring over your accounts, or in the practice yard with Galorin. Are you not well?" She gave him a playful grin and perched on the ottoman in front of his chair, peering at the book cover. "Hmm, `A Commentary on the Traditions and Trade Practices of the A'athaen Miere, and a Practical Guide to Valuing Sea Folk Porcelain'." She let one eyebrow creep up slightly, allowing a hint of sarcasm to tinge her words. "Well, now, there's a pleasant bit of light reading." She slipped a playful tone into her voice. "Come, with me and sit in the garden. We'll have tea this afternoon, my dearest, we do have a guest." She reached for his hand with her free one.

He intercepted her reach by taking her wrist and gently pulling her up into his lap, shifting in the chair. "I would love to my precious wife, but I…ouch! Peace, what is this?" He tugged the box from where she had swiftly dropped it into the side of the chair next to him. He tossed her a sly glance before turning his attention back to the box. "I think my wife has been patronizing the peddler."

Rhi'hara opened her mouth to protest, and was promptly silenced by a finger laid gently on her lips. "Your guilt is a bruise on the seat of my pants, from the corner of this box that was not there before. Don't try to deny it. Shall I open it, or is it for our guest?" He taunted her with an impish grin. "I think I shall attend your tea today. Galorin and I had an appointment, but he will just have to wait upon the whim of my ravishing wife... Or shall I invite him to join us too?" Rhi'hara started to stand, but Aeylan held her tighter. Her cheeks pinked as he pulled her even closer. "Perhaps we shall become… occupied… and both miss our appointments, yes, Kiserai'mi?"

Rhi'hara let him kiss her teasingly, once. Pulling away a little, she breathed "Aeylan, open it. I have some news for you." He let her go and examined the box. It was a blocky cube, carved with woodland animals, a different one for the top and each side. The bottom was cushioned with deep brown suede. Carefully untying the cord, he curled it into a small coil and slipped it into a pocket. Rhi'hara smiled to herself, Aeylan was shameless about keeping every little scrap of anything he deemed important. His eyes danced in anticipation as he lifted the lid, and took on an even deeper shine as he sat, unmoving, gazing at what the box held.

"Peace," he breathed "Rhi'hara, it is…" He looked up at her, his eyes bright with unshed tears. "…Oh, wife, this is marvelous. The likeness of the banner is wonderful. I can almost see the wind raising the…" his eyes returned to the silver ring nestled in a bed of copper colored silk. "My love, it is a grand ring…but…" he frowned, shallow lines creasing his brow. "I fear the metal smith has made a mistake. The bird on this ring is a falcon, not a hawk. Tell me who made it. I'll have it corrected. It truly is a beautiful ring. Thank you, beloved." He moved to kiss her again.

Rhi'hara sniffed petulantly and dodged his lips, giving him a scandalized look. "You have a signet. I would not disrespect your family by having a replacement made for your personal crest." She glanced down at the ring on her own hand. Her personal sigil, a brushed-silver band with polished-gold bird flying toward a castle of mother-of-pearl inlaid in the relief. Aeylan had commissioned it for her even before he had asked her father's permission for them to wed. "Think you that, after you, no more of your house shall stand to hold back the blight or ride strong in the war against the shadow? This is a new crest, made in promise of the unity of the Sparrow and the Hawk…for your first-born." Comprehension dawned in his eyes as he looked at the ring and listened to her revelation. She wasn't prepared for his reaction.

Scooping her up in his arms, he turned in a jubilant circle. "A baby!" His voice was exultant as he lapsed into his habit of speaking partly in the old tongue (most of which she could not understand). He carried her out of the library, down the stairs and out into the courtyard, proclaiming to all within hearing, that there was to be a feast in honor of his heir. Rhi'hara tried to get Aeylan to set her down, to lower his voice, to slow his pace…but he was not listening. She realized that there was more than one reason for his behavior. He was gradually getting quieter, and he was carrying her in the direction of an area of the gardens that was not frequented by many. It was 'not so quietly' referred to, by almost every servant and soldier in Aeylan's charge, as "Lord Aeylan's `private' garden". A lot of giggling, snickering and whispering usually accompanied the term. Rhi' stopped struggling, allowing him whatever idyllic moment he seemed to have planned. What Aeylan wanted, he usually got. He was, after all, Lord of his house.

Silent now, he carried her along, as easily as a child in his powerful arms. She snuggled in closer, to ward off the chill of the morning air by sharing his body heat. They were just passing a large sunken fountain in the courtyard when Aeylan's foot caught a break in the stones. With her added weight to unbalance him, he stumbled forward, unable to catch himself. She felt his muscles tense, trying to keep her from landing under him on the hard stones. Startled, Rhi'hara screamed as they fell. The falling seemed to take forever. Her scream ended with a gasp as icy water enveloped her. She struggled against her sodden skirt to keep her head above the turbulent surface, choking on the frigid water that threatened to drown her. At last she regained her feet. Her eyes fell on her husband, lying on the flagstones, limp and ashen. "Aeylan!" Rhi'hara struggled to the fountain's edge, pulling herself from it and dragging her waterlogged skirts with her. She lurched toward his prostrate form, throwing herself down beside him.

"Aeylan! Oh, light!" She looked around desperately but no one else was there. She raised her voice to shout into the air. "Help! Someone come quickly! Lord Aeylan is injured!" A pool of his blood had begun to form, running down the side of his face onto the stones. She tugged her saturated skirt back and tore off a generous section of her shift, wadding it up and pressing it to the gash on his temple. "Someone, please, help!" She shouted again. She could hear voices in the distance and running footsteps getting closer. "Here! By the fountain! Quickly! In the name of Lord Aeylan's Life, hurry!"

The scene began to feel surreal. She noted, distantly, that her gasps fogged the air in rapid puffs of vapor and it dawned on her that there was only the smallest hint of breath coming from her husband. "Aeylan…Aeylan, breath my darling…please, in the name of the creator, just keep breathing…" She pulled him up to cradle him in her arms protectively. Tears mingled with the frigid dampness on her cheeks as she felt his heart slowing. She could no longer see him breathing at all. Rhi'hara could feel the life slip away from him. Galorin pounded around a corner at a run as she felt the last beat of Aeylan's heart. As the young man knelt beside Rhi'hara he could see it was too late. His eyes filled with sadness as he shook his head at her. "There's nothing we can do, Lady Rhi', he's gone." He knelt in silent formal salute. She knew her duty. It wounded her to the core, but she had to be strong. She began reciting her husband's last rite in this world. Her solemn, melodic tone was laced with grief-stricken agony…"The light shine on you, Lord Aeylan, of House Mae'Jungh and may you shelter in the palm of then Creator's hand." Galorin wept openly as she continued. "The last embrace of the mother welcome you home." Her voice broke on the last word. Galorin reached out to her. She gave him a look that said she would need that hand…later. She knew if he touched her now, to comfort her sorrow, she would shatter entirely. She could not afford to have the servants see her that way. She gently turned Aeylan's head, making a pillow of the length of shift, so the gash was out of sight. She wanted to remember him as he had lived.

Turning away to summon someone to help Galorin, she thought she must be going into shock as she looked up. At the fountain's edge, where moments ago, had been a stone maiden with a jar, pouring water into the basin, now stood a shining arch. A voice that seemed to come from everywhere, and nowhere, echoed in her mind. "The way back will come but once, be steadfast." Something distant tickled at the base of her skull, like she had heard someone say those words to her, just before… before what? The arch began to shimmer and the voice repeated its litany. "The way back will come but once…be steadfast…" [Steadfast? Steadfast…to…what?] Something. Some…thing...important. [What could be more important than our unborn child is?] She must raise their child to be a Shienaran Lord or Lady. She wanted time to think, but there was a certain desperate knowing that there was no time. "No! It's not fair! I am needed here!" She said aloud, wondering inside exactly what it was that wasn't fair. "The way back…" the voice had begun to fade a little. "…Be steadfast…" The radiance of the arch began to dim. She looked down again at the body of her beloved Aeylan. She remembered their lives together. The way they had met in the common room of an Andoran inn. Her father was meeting a merchant to sell his wool and some Tabac. Aeylan had been riding as part of an escort for his father on a mission of diplomacy. He had asked her to dance after dinner. They had sat on a bench in front of the inn talking of Andor and Shienar till the sun peeked over the horizon the next morning. The day after that he had asked for one of her hair ribbons and tied it around his sleeve, before they continued on to their destination, promising that he would return on his way home. He had returned. On Winter-night, he exposed his love for her to her parents. They agreed to a marriage on the green during the Bel Tine festival, believing him a good and truthful young man. Their life together had been full of love and laughter, though peace had not always favored Aeylan's sword (as is the way in the borderlands). And now a child…his child…

The memory had flashed by in an instant, but something about the arch enticed her. It had begun to dim, almost imperceptibly to the eye, but she could feel the "intensity" of it fading. The mental lure of it clutched at her spirit. The voice admonished, "…be steadfast…" Rhi'hara cried out in wordless anguish as she forced herself to stand. She realized that, without him, the life she led here would be a shell. Even a child could not replace their devotion to each other. Wrenching her eyes away from his still form she desperately threw herself at the arch.

She heard Galorin's desperate cry behind her, thinking she was going to try to drown herself in the fountain. He moved faster than she could in her dress, soaked with water that was beginning to freeze. He caught at the hem, making her stumble, falling short of the opening. He was still trying to find a steady purchase with his other hand as she pulled free to throw herself at the arch again. As palms met dry stones, the scrapes and bruises from the flagstones at the base of the fountain stung and older scars already on her hands reopened but they barely registered. Silent sobs wracked her frame. She knew without looking up that she was outside the Ter'angreal Arch. When she did raise her eyes they locked with * Sedai's. She wanted to ask, Is that what I would have been, if not for the touch of Saidar…if I had not come to Tar Valon? She ached to voice the query, but a flicker of something in the woman's face held her tongue. The look told Rhi'hara questions could not or would not be answered.

Something within her mourned the loss of the life she had seen inside the arch…her happiness… her beloved…the child she would never know. But, it is not my life…and can never be! The thought was ruthless...necessarily so. I am someone…some…thing, else. She would not allow "what-might-have-been" to distract her.

She pulled herself erect and knelt in front of the Ter'angreal with defiance in her eye, ignoring the flecks of drying blood that made tiny dark stains on the rocky floor. The ancient ceremony and its litany progressed. A sister holding a silver chalice poured water from it over Rhi'hara's head.

"You are washed clean of what sin you may have done, and of those done against you. You are washed clean of what crimes you may have committed, and of those committed against you. You come to us washed clean and pure, in heart and soul."

The woman retreated and Lyris stepped forward. "Will you continue?"

Liquid from the chalice still dripped from the ends of her hair, sending wet runnels to diffuse the tears that had begun drying on her face. It trickled from her chin and chest to pool on the floor. As she stood up, turning to focus her attention on the Ter'Angreal, the Aes Sedai began the liturgy for the second pass through the arches. Rhi'hara said a silent prayer. She tried to promise herself that, once inside, she would take the arch…no matter what price she had to pay in her mind and heart.

She couldn't. The thought was like an animal trap slamming shut on her nerves. I can't! She wanted to scream it out…to flee the room with its solemn trappings…and it's glowing Ter'Angreal…and these `oh- so-calm' women, sitting on the floor. Their ageless faces seemed to be mocking her, waiting for her to step into another nightmare. One that could refuse to release her…if she hesitated, even if only a moment too long.

For the first time in Rhi'hara's life, she was truly afraid. Not afraid that she would fail. She was afraid to try. I…I can't do this! What if "he" is there again? What if I stay to help him and don't come out this time? They said I would be lost forever…I could refuse, but if I do, they'll put me out of the tower…what would I be then?…nothing?…a wisdom in some little backwater village somewhere between here and the creator knows where? She mentally shook herself by the neck. I have to try. If I fail, then at least I can be a wisdom…or a nothing…knowing that I can't be anything else.

She realized that the speaker had stopped and the eyes of everyone in the room were fixed on her. Waiting. Her knees trembled. Her tongue was wedged against the roof of her mouth. Her jaw was locked shut so tight that it was on the verge of cramping. Breath came in ragged hisses from between her clenched teeth. Her stomach seemed to want to be rid of everything she had eaten for a week.

She looked at the faces of the women around her. How had they been able to stand this…the fear eating at them like maggots in a week-old grave? Somehow they had mastered the terrors they had faced when they were…just like her. The reminder that they had been novices once, (a- time-ago, but once). The array of faces became more human with that thought. Some had strained or worried expressions, others seemed just slightly hopeful, one even looked encouraging (though that one thought she was successfully masked with an impassive facade).

So, some of them at least, thought there was a chance she would return. A tiny glimmer of hope, like the sun through thunderheads, bored it's way through the despair in her heart. She forced the fear down, replacing it with anger, and then shoved all emotion aside. One deep steadying breath came and went. She heard herself force strained words out in a rush. "Yes. I will go on." If she allowed herself to think, she would lose what nerve she had gained by saying it, so she took a step toward the arch. The mantra washed over her, fading to a fleeting memory, as she passed the threshold. "The second time is `for what is'. The way back will come but once..."

"…Be steadfast." Rhi'hara's vision was filled with…gray fur and leather. It took a second for her to realize that she was standing next to a saddled horse…had been for more than a moment or two, wearing a riding dress of heavy copper colored cloth under a heavier winter cloak edged in reddish fur. She felt like she'd been dropped on her head for a moment, till she gathered her wits, now what made me think of my arches? Of all times to let myself start daydreaming… today that would be a disaster. There was a feeling of pressing business and hasty preparation in the air. Servants and warders hustled here and there, running last minute errands, checking saddlebags and girth straps, tying down wagon covers. She realized that a Trainee stood holding a stirrup-full of her foot. He gave her a semi-patient smile.

"Are you going to get on your horse, or push him all the way to the farm, Accepted? Sometimes I think you'd do better if you chose brown instead of yellow."

Rhi'hara flashed a wry smile back at him and put her weight on the foot in the stirrup, swinging easily into the saddle. "Very funny, Trainee. As long as he's been stabled, I just might have to carry him before we get there." D'Lagra danced sideways with pent-up energy of being stabled too long. "Easy, old man." As if in answer, the big gray tossed his head and snorted.

An Aes Sedai rode by on her dainty horse, giving orders as she went. She didn't stop to see that they would be carried out. She knew they would be. After all, she was Aes Sedai. The horse suited the sharp angles of her face. The thing looked as though it had come from racing stock in the south, it stepped as though it had the legs for a fast run, but for long treks, Rhi' preferred her deep-chested Andoran Stallion. She turned her horse and rode over to where Imbrium was sitting on a bench. D'Lagra arched his neck and lifted his feet in a Parade walk, forcing Rhi'hara to sit straighter and tighter in the saddle. "Stop that." she scolded under her breath. When she tugged him to a stop, he tossed his head again and whickered, swishing his tail so far around that the end flicked Rhi'hara's cheek.

Imbrium giggled. "Well now, that is a fiery horse…seems to have a sense of humor too." Her voice dripped sarcasm.

Rhi'hara chuckled. "Tormented by a trainee, then my horse, and now you...next thing you know, Warly will put itching powder in my saddlebags. She and Imbrium had been comfortably close, almost like sisters, since they were novices together. It seemed like years had passed since they met, like they had grown up together. In a way, they had.

"I can't believe you really talked them into this…" Rhi'hara shivered as another mental flash of her arches drowned out Imbrium's next words. The way back will come... "I know, I know…change the subject, but I hope your plan works. I wish I could go with you but the hall's allowing only sisters…and no sitters, one from each ajah. The reds advised against it and the whites, amazingly enough, agreed with them. The hall nearly came to blows over the decision to let you try this." Her eyes searched Rhi'hara's face with concern, but Rhi' didn't notice. blink ...but once… "Are you alright Rhi'? You look a little pale..."

Returning the gaze with as much confidence as she could muster, Rhi'hara put her hand on Imbri's shoulder. "Takrin needs this. He will die, and soon, if we do not take steps to repair what's been done to him. The taint has been arrested by the gentling, but his spirit...Imbri, I can almost sense the life seeping out of him. I cannot just sit by and allow him...or anyone...to suffer if I can find a way to help."

Imbrium nodded. "I remember when you had trouble just being in the same room as Takrin Medar. Now you devote so much of your time on the studying male channelers, many of the new novices think you're going to be a red."

"Now you're just being mean." Rhi'hara faked a pout, then smiled, wryly. "It looks like we're finally organized. I wanted to be out of the gates at sunrise, but Aes Sedai will follow their own schedule, I suppose. I'll see you..."

A sudden uproar toward the back of the assembled mass of horses, wagons and people drew Rhi'hara's attention. Several glowing forms could be seen and she heard the rasping of metal on metal as weapons were drawn from their scabbards and voices were raised in a combination of anger, fear and confusion. "Now, what…" Kicking D'Lagra to a quick trot, a knot formed in her stomach as she rode in the direction of the chaos, passing `excuse-me's' out like candy as she bumped other horses and made pedestrians jump out of the way.

One moment she was plowing through the throng and the next she had broken free into an empty space that had bent around a wagon hitched to a pair of horses. The wagon was surrounded by four Aes Sedai, all with the glow of Saidar haloing them, and several warders that, together, looked like wolves waiting for the attack and trainees that reminded her of pups trying to be like the pack leaders. All had bared steel, one was in the wagon hovering over Willow. She was bent over something Rhi'hara couldn't see. When she got close enough, she launched herself off of the horse, directly onto the wagon bed, landing on her feet in a crouch, earning a raised eyebrow from the man. She took in what they saw at a glance. "What in the Light…?"

Willow looked up from Takrin's prostrate form. He was unconscious and pale. An angry red mark showed through a narrow hole in the front of his shirt, but he was still breathing shallowly. Rhi'hara laid a hand on him and opened herself to Saidar. Her medicinal reading found that it had been a hasty healing, but sufficient to keep him alive. Under the apparent circumstances, she could have done no better. Willow's matter-of-fact words chilled Rhi'hara to the bone. "He tried to kill himself." Blink …be steadfast

Rhi'hara turned to the warder, who was cleaning blood from a small dagger, apparently the weapon Takrin had somehow obtained from the Creator knew where. "Find the Mistress of Novices and tell her she is needed in the courtyard." The wagon rocked slightly as the warder vaulted over the side and strode away. "Willow, stay with him. If he comes to, keep him from hurting himself again."

Willow had come to the Tower not long before Rhi'hara had arrived. Like Imbrium, they were close knit as a pair of matching socks, though their beginnings had been a bit rockier. As she started to climb down Willow grabbed at her sleeve. "You're not going to…"

"Yes, I am. Here and now…IF I can talk Lyris Sedai into it...He was already teetering on the edge. I fear he will not make it to the farm." Her voice was tension supreme. "I…will…not…lose…him..." Rhi' only avoided adding the word `again' by biting her tongue. She pulled the fabric of her coat gently out of Willow's fingers and dropped to the ground. As she strode toward her horse to get the Ter'angreal she had made for this specific purpose, Rhi'hara caught a glimpse of movement out of the corner of her eye. When she turned her head, a glowing arch stood in the center of the courtyard only a few strides from her, shimmering in the morning sun. Blink the way back will come but once…be steadfast "What in the flaming blight?…!" She stopped mid-step, staring at the apparition.

"What are you staring at Rhi?…Rhi'?" Wina's voice broke through the numbing fog that had clouded her brain.

"Can't you see it Wina?" She didn't even look at the girl, she was mesmerized by the sight of the glistening portal.

"See what? Rhi'hara, you're staring at a blank wall!" She looked closer at Rhi'hara's eyes. "I'm going to get one of the healers, you don't look too good."

Lyris Sedai chose that moment to stride out of the crowd still surrounding the wagon that held Takrin and Willow. "What is the meaning of this, young lady? A warder said I am `ordered' to the courtyard, by some upstart Accepted, tells me on the way down that young Takrin has tried to do himself in, and now I find you, standing here like some puppet, gaping a brick wall like it's a trolloc."

Rhi'hara turned to glance, by turns, at the the Mistress of Novices… the wagon…her companions... Everything began to feel strange. Time seemed to slow. Her brain felt mired in something viscous. She opened her mouth to tell Lyris Sedai what she had seen. Her lips moved, seemingly in slow motion, and no sound came out. Was this some test? The age-lace seemed to lurk heavily in the air around her like a sodden blanket. Choose…Choose…but am I here, imagining the arch? Or am I inside the arch imagining this world? Takrin moaned, beginning to rouse from his stupor. Everyone turned toward the wagon. Willow embraced the source, ready to take action if necessary…The way back will come but once…

Rhi'hara took a step toward her horse, where the saddlebags held the Ter'angreal she intended to use to try to reconnect Takrin with Saidin, determined to attempt a `healing' that, she thought, might begin to help those who wielded that half of the power. Something felt `wrong' about that step, as if she were `losing' something by taking it. She looked back at the arch. …be steadfast "No! He needs me!" she cried out. She started to turn back, to give an explanation to Lyris Sedai about what she planned but instinct grabbed her by the throat like a wolf bringing down a deer.

She gave the woman a last, desperate look and found herself already stumbling through the portal, barely keeping her feet under her.

"He…He needed me…He's going to die!" she wailed. She wasn't sure if she was talking to them, or herself. She wanted the agony in her soul to end. She felt like a traitor to her own beliefs. The worst of it, was knowing that she might have been able to change a life and she had turned away from it…

As the water doused her a second time it startled her. "You are washed clean of false pride. You are washed clean of false ambition. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul." The antiquated intonations of the woman holding the chalice awakened something in Rhi'hara. The shock of the water flowing over her scalp brought a realization that, whatever she might have been able to change "there", in that ethereal reflection-world, for good or ill, it would have no effect "here". This world was real, and the only world that truly mattered. The arches were but a momentary distraction, meant to test her willingness to read the warp and weft of the age-lace…to avoid allowing one moment of distraction to unravel the entire tapestry through a single, ill-determined action. The pattern would create a lifetime of distractions…that was the lesson of the arch. This time. She still had to pass through one more… successfully…

"Will you continue?" Lyris inquired again.

Rhi' had become distanced from herself in the past few moments. [Only once more…I will do this…I must.] Some part of her feared that if she hesitated she would fail. If the first two arches had shaken her to the core, what was in store for her this time? She waited for the question anxiously, almost anticipating when it would come.

Still, it startled her when Lyris spoke. "Will you continue?"

Her skin pebbled with a chill that had nothing to do with the air in the room. She forced her mouth to form the words. "I will." She stated it in a quiet, firm voice. It sounded almost like someone else. She never took her eyes from the shimmering portal.

"The third time is for `what will be'. The way back will come but once…"

She let the words soak into her, pausing for a full heartbeat before stepping into the silvery opaqueness. The light seemed to stretch around her, like being dipped in milky liquid silver.

"…Be…steadfast…."

Time seemed to stretch out forever. She waded through air that felt heavy and cold as lake water in early spring. She stumbled, and would have fallen, but her right arm was being held from behind. Just as she recovered her feet, she stumbled again, almost dropping the poled lantern she held in her left hand, yanked forward as D'Lagra cleared her peripheral vision, stumbling himself and dragging the reins she had wrapped around her right wrist with him. Thankfully, it was away from her, not over her. The great Andoran stallion stood head down, splay-legged, his sides heaving. His ears twitched nervously. Rhi'hara tested her shoulder to be certain there was no permanent damage and led her mount away from the lighted doorway to check his feet and legs. Miyahd was slowly creeping toward her, shadow-framed in light from the other side. Beyond Miya she could see the warders that were not going with them, peering through the door into the dark, faces harder than granite, even more so than usual. But she did not need to see their faces to feel the knot of anger at being left behind. Rolin's fury played along the bond like a lance of fire and had diminished little when she passed through the gate. It was still a source of indignation, amazement or amusement to almost everyone in the tower that she had bonded two warders, refusing to relent just because she was yellow instead of green. Echoes of "stubborn Andoran wilder…" still made her bristle. Wilder! No one had called her that since she'd come to the tower! Not ever within hearing anyway. Never mind that it had been necessary at the time. Rolin was somehow important to the pattern. His death would have been disastrous. She fully expected to pass his bond when she found the sister suitable to his talents and passion for the battle against the Dark One. She would be Green, of that Rhi' was convinced. It was…regrettable…that she had not arrived at the tower to train yet (or perhaps still wore novice white). Viewings of every other Aes Sedai and Accepted at the tower had revealed it would be long yet. She would know the girl when she found her, of that much she was certain but Rolin's patience at delaying the search was threadbare at best, still Rhi' was adamant that she hold nothing back from the man. `She' would be found. The bond would be passed. The memory of Rhi'hara Sedai's reputation as a `maverick healer' would fade into obscurity…again. She frowned, not for the first time, at the thought of how much trouble her talents could be. Alone, one or the other was bad enough, but the fusion of both Viewing and Foretelling was often an unbalanced mélange of miracle and affliction. She sighed. The Age Lace, and it's relentless weave, will not be denied. Her attempt to stop thinking about Rolin's aggravation made her think about why she needed to in the first place.

The `sisters' had each agreed to take one warder with them. That had not been their intent when they announced the journey yesterday. But, when their sworn protectors learned the plan involved leaving them behind, there had been such disorder in the `meeting' that it had been a smaller obstacle to agree to the escort they had, than continuing to listen to them carrying on. [It isn't like we said we wanted to go for a stroll in the pit of doom!] The Stone was heavily guarded, and it was impossible to gain entry if one were Aes Sedai. But then, she and Imbrium hadn't begun to `slow' yet, and Miya's changes weren't noticeable unless she stood next to someone who was obviously Aes Sedai. They were unmarked enough to carry out their plan. A pack of warders in Tear, however, would make it very difficult to go unnoticed, even in disguise.

Imbrium walked her horse over to touch Rhi'hara's elbow, and she realized she had been grumbling to herself. She pinched her lips together and gave Imbri a tight-eyed smile in return, pointedly ignoring the warders on this side of the door. They stood, as always, stone still and seemingly at their ease…but their eyes drank in every inch of the small area they could see in the twilight-like darkness. Miya's warder had a hand surreptitiously `lounging' on the hilt of his sword. Had she not known better, she would have thought Ohn was going to take a nap, but the taut mixture of resigned acceptance and vigilance in the back of her head gave his seeming lethargy lie. His unusual tension made Rhi's stomach flutter. The man was exceptionally composed, sometimes to the point of frustration. That was one reason she had bonded him. To balance the tendency she had of being impulsive, though Ohn would have used the word `reckless'. Imbrium's warder was younger, but little less experienced than the others. A surreptitious glance at him shocked her into a double take. He looked…"Rakish!" Leaning against his horse, grooming his fingernails with a dagger. It was a wonder he didn't lose a fingertip! Still, his eyes never stopped moving, though he never once looked at his hands. Imbrium had bonded him as soon as his training was completed. Rhi'hara urged calm reassurance along the ties of the bond and almost giggled when Ohn rolled his eyes at her sarcastically. Even if the Ways were beginning to heal themselves, any warder would be annoyed if someone suggested they relax for even half a heartbeat in this place, master Tenadon would more likely be incensed.

When Miyahd cleared the entrance, her warder moved like a striking snake to snatch the free end of her horse's reins from her hand and equalize her unsteady steps. The animal danced sideways. Only the warder's quick reflexes, pulling Miya close on his free side out of its path, kept her from being trampled. Rhi'hara shot a meaningful look at Ohn, just as Imbrium whispered, "I told her to bring another horse. If that thing throws her in here…"

Cutting her off, Rhi' whispered back, "At least she uses better judgment in choosing warders." She didn't give Imbri a chance to comment as she moved to hand Ohn her lantern and mounted D'Lagra. Given half a chance, the woman would have `entertained' her with the reasons behind Rhi'hara's own choices of both. Once she had settled her skirts, Ohn handed the shaft back, along with his, and launched himself into his own saddle. Once he had retrieved his pole, she waited as the warders divided the pack animals between them and each took up his respective station. With a lopsided grin, Imbrium's warder announced from the rear of the group, in a cheery voice, "On… to Tear." Holding his arm in front of himself, as if commanding an army to advance.

Ohn looked back, daggers in his eyes for the younger man. His voice was soft, but a glacial frost carried in his tone. It carried along the bond too. "This is not a picnic." Rhi'hara felt like shivering. She knew he did not dislike the young man. After all, he had trained him. That meant that he also knew the youth's heart, probably as well as his own. The relationship Ohn had developed with most of his trainees was that of a childless man for his brother's boys. Always stern, but caring. It was part of what made Rhi' so fond of him unless he used the tack on her…then it was annoying.

Though he had not spared a look for anyone else, she knew his admonishment would not have been made aloud if he had not meant everyone to heed it. Returning his eyes to the front, the matter was dropped…the daggers went, and the ice with it. The sensation through their bond settled into the comfortable awareness she was used to from him. When she glanced back at Imbrium, the woman looked as if nothing had happened. Aes Sedai accepted that what passed between warders was not for them to meddle in, just as what passed between Aes Sedai was not for the intrusion of warders, but Rhi' noticed that Imbri's companion tried to look everywhere at once without really seeming to.

At the guiding, Miya took a folded paper from inside her cloak. Mumbling to herself, she dismounted her horse and approached the pillar. She looked at several different groups of script before finding the one she sought. Remounting, she turned her horse and started along one of the ramps, into the twilight shadows. Rhi'hara heeled her mount to follow and heard the steady plodding of riders and packhorses, before and behind.

They covered what seemed like ten miles, maybe a bit more, over arcing bridges that seemed to have nothing to hold them up. Those led to and from ramps that curved around, ostensibly turning and rising or falling enough to be stacked atop one another vertically. That thought made her queasy. Even with her keen ability to make a mental map of her surroundings, Rhi' couldn't have pointed north if her life hung in the balance for it. The somber air had begun to mute her characteristic buoyancy several hours ago and her bond with Ohn had begun to seem almost morose. She was thankful that they would not have to spend a night in this place. She had been concentrating on working out a few details for their plan to keep from thinking about their surroundings when they came upon another guiding, almost suddenly, out of the perpetual twilight. It was the fourth they had seen since coming through the gate in Tar Valon. As she had at the previous ones, Miya walked around the carved stone slab, comparing the scripts. Finally, she turned to her warder and said something quietly. Remounting, she booted her horse down the white line that lead to the expected gate at the other end.

When they arrived, Ohn purposefully strode past Miya, giving her warder a meaningful look, to the gate. Rhi'hara took the reins of Ohn's mount and the pack animals, waiting silently. Her only signal that anything was amiss was a sudden shifting within the bond from determination to shock and frustration, that and her warder's quiet curse. "Ohn? What is it?" She called softly.

His words chilled her to the marrow. "It's gone."

There was no need to ask what he meant. Someone, at some time in the past, had removed the Avendesora leaf key from the gate. She contemplated the use of Saidar to melt through the gate or blast it open. Her resolve not to use the one power in the Ways faltered, reinforced itself, and then weakened again.

She was so intent on her thoughts that Imbrium's touch on the shoulder startled Rhi'hara. "The manuscript I read mentioned that a number of the gates were destroyed or had their keys removed to keep Trollocs and the like from using the Ways. I hope the keys are all the same, or this won't work." A wry look twisted her mouth as she produced a key from out of her cloak. "None of the authors thought to mention that sort of helpful information." She glanced from Rhi', to Miya, waiting for them to consider the possible consequences of her intended action.

Miyahd was first to speak. "We don't know what using a different key could cause, but I see no other choice. We cannot go back. Channeling in the Ways is still a dangerous action. We know that would not be… prudent." She gave Rhi'hara a meaningful look. Sometimes the women just seemed to know each other better they knew themselves. "But which of us would take the chance? I'm unwilling to put any of us at risk. We will just have to find another gate."

"No." Everyone turned to look at Rhi'hara, with varying expressions. None with surprise, least of all her guardian. Ohn had that `I-knew- you-would-say-that-and-I'm-going-to-tie-you-up-and-stuff-you-in-a- sack' look on his face. She wouldn't stop now, though. "I'll do it." She snatched the leaf from Imbri before the woman could move. "Everyone get away from the gate as far as you can and still see it. Make the horses lie down and get behind them. You too, Ohn."

After considering looks from Miyahd and Imbrium, they moved to comply, nodding their acquiescence. They knew the true consequences of success or failure for this mission and channeling to get into Tear was out of the question, they needed to be undetected until it was too late. There were also things they had not divulged, even to the few other Aes Sedai that knew what they were doing, let alone their own warders. They had been lucky that no one suspected what the three of them had discovered. More items would be retrieved than the ones on the Tower's list of objects to be recovered from the Stone of Tear. A miscellany of paraphernalia only the three of them, and the Amyrlin herself, would even know had been brought to the Tower for study. Ohn stood where he had been, between her and the gate. "What you do, I will not abandon. I already know I cannot persuade you to give over and I will not live knowing that I failed to protect and serve my mistress."

Rhi'hara gave him an exasperated look before relenting. The look was more for his use of the word `mistress' than for his stubbornness. "Ohn, if this should fail…"

"If this should fail, then I would hear the rite before…"

She knew what `rite' he was asking for. Ohn asked for so little. He had been a faithful and honorable warder. She found it impossible to deny him almost anything, even this. He had never asked it of her before and it showed her the measure of his steadfastness and commitment to remain with her now. She gazed deeply into his eyes. "I will do this…to humor you. Not because I think you will need it." The passion in his eyes made her want to tangle her fingers in his hair and kiss him, but they had kept that part of their bond concealed. She would not give up discretion in a moment of impulsive self- interest. She contented herself with reaching up to lay a hand gently over his heart and was thrilled when he covered it with one of his own.

"The Light, and Peace, Shine on you, Ohn Tenadon. May the creator's hand guide you to the shelter of the mother's last embrace."

The moment seemed to unroll for an eternity. A tiny voice whispered in her mind. "The way back will come but once…" The world seethed around them and they stood in a fissure. "Be steadfast…" Then the feeling was gone and Rhi'hara blinked. She licked her lips and turned to reach out with the leaf. Ohn stood at her shoulder as if, somehow, he could deter some unseen calamity. The leaf snicked into place. Nothing happened. Rhi'hara breathed a small sigh of relief that it hadn't caused an immediate backlash of some kind. When `nothing' continued to happen, she gave Ohn a disappointed look. "Either it's locked from the outside, or the keys don't work universally…wait, what is that noise?"

Ohn, angled his head to listen, motioning her to be quiet. Another oath crossed the warder's lips as he turned. "Machin Shin! I was afraid it still haunted the Ways…Warders rally to me! Bring your Aes Sedai…NOW!"

Rhi'hara was already reaching for Saidar, but it tried to evade her grasp. "As much as channeling in the Ways puts my hair on end just to think of it, we will have to try to destroy the gate with the power and drive off the black wind. Stand back, Gaidin. There is nothing you can do to protect us. This is why we wanted to come alone!"

The four on the other side of the stone-floored area were moving at a dead run but they weren't quick enough. The blackness of Machin Shin obscured her vision of them as it moved between the two groups. She heard Miya shout a halt and felt her skin crawl as its filthy `essence' whispered and cried and shrieked it's dizzyingly foul thoughts at them. She and Ohn retreated, putting their backs against the waygate. Rhi'hara still wrestled with Saidar as it evaded her like an oiled viper. Ohn's blade was out, though it would do him no good against the horror, sweat beading on his forehead. "Don't let it touch you!" Someone shouted from the other side of the sinister cloud. A man's voice screamed in mindless agony. A second keening cry, distinctly feminine this time, marked the heartbreaking loss of a warderbond. Rhi' thought it was Miya.

An eternity seemed to pass before Rhi'hara felt Saidar jolt into her like a lance and she almost fumbled it before she could gain a semblance of control. The world tilted around her and time slowed to a crawl. "The way back will come but once…" A malevolent finger of ebon crawled toward them, but Ohn would not back away, fearing it would turn on Rhi'hara instead. Holding out her hands as if it would help her weaving, Rhi'hara tried to form a ball of lightning to drive away the tendril, but it came away from her hands a sickly gray-green blob. A flash of light caught the corner of her eye. Ignoring it, she grabbed Ohn's sleeve with one hand, dragging him along with her as she backed further away from the evil strand. "Be steadfast."

Another flash of light made her wonder how one of her sisters was able to use Saidar successfully in this place. She turned her head to see what they were doing. It was not an Aes Sedai weaving that met her gaze. A dimly glowing arch stood at a right angle to the wall. "The way back will come…" She continued dragging Ohn along the wall, fiercely shutting out the whispered lexis just as she tried to ignore the foul shrieks and moans of the black wind. At least they had somewhere to go now. "…but once…" He hadn't taken his eyes from the evil creeper that pursued them, but at least he followed.

Rhi'hara shouted over the unmanageable disharmony for the others to follow her. As she hauled Ohn toward the apparition, he glanced over his shoulder. "No! You've backed us into a corner! There is no way out here! You must go back. I will open a path for you. When I do… RUN!" Without another word, and before she could stop him, Ohn pushed away from the wall, tearing his sleeve from her clutching grasp. She felt a knife-like jolt of emotion along the bond, as if he were trying to share every facet of his devotion, commitment, faithfulness...and… an element of their union she hadn't even dared imagine he reciprocated pierced her brain, revealing that he cherished her as deeply as she had always loved him. Staggered by its intensity, she was immobilized as he lunged at the blackness that had almost surrounded them. A warrior of the borderlands to the end, a battle cry soared jubilantly from his lips, reverberating and echoing off of the walls. "Carai d'mia Mai d'mael! Kiserai ti Manshima d'Arafel!"

She felt the touch of their bond change. The rapture fragmented and coalesced into madness as the miasma enveloped him. "No!" She whispered…then screamed, until she had nothing left in her lungs to carry the sound. "Ohn, No!" She fell to her knees, weeping inconsolably. Her sobs turned to shrieks as the insanity of Machin Shin rolled over her in wave after wave of filth and vulgarity. Her stomach churned with the vile depravity of it. Her surroundings skewed again. "Be steadfast…" It was an insignificant buzz compared to the psychosis that invaded her mind. Terror filled her. How much worse if it touched her in truth? Jolted to action, Rhi'hara backed away, till the wall blocked her path. Unseeing, she turned and stumbled forward…and was surrounded by light.

The gibbering in her head faded to silence, but she remembered the frenzied debris of mania as she lurched out of the arch into a room lit with sconces in the corners. As she collapsed onto the floor on her face sobbing uncontrollably, reality flooded her mind, but it was no comfort. Gulping breaths racked her naked frame and she flinched as someone touched her hair. She heard voices in the background, murmuring familiar things she couldn't comprehend at first. As the words began to leach into her awareness, she fumbled with her grasp of the knowledge that it was finished. The return of reality and memory was followed closely by euphoria. More important to her than conquering her unknown fears…than achieving the next level of skill at the tower…was the soothing reflection that `they' were alive!… that `He' was. She clung desperately to the remnant of quiet strength that had been the bond she had shared. A thread that, even now, was unraveling. A last echo whispered `For the honor of my maiden of hope...glory to the sword of Arafel.'

That residue of nourishing vigor lured her up to her knees for the concluding rite. She welcomed the cool water as it was poured over her head, rinsing away the tears. That the Amyrlin Seat stood before her with the chalice gave her an understanding of why Aes Sedai named her `mother'. The ageless eyes were filled with sympathy and understanding, though she could not know what transpired within the arches for Rhi', she'd had fears of her own. She welcomed the Amyrlin's words even more, for they helped to distance her from her subjugated nightmares.

"You are washed clean of Rhi'hara Demar of Andor. You are washed clean of all ties that bind you to this world. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul. You are Rhi'hara Demar, Accepted of the Tower of Chasaline. Welcome, daughter." Draped over one arm was a white dress banded in colors of the seven Ajahs. In her hand was a `great-serpent' ring. Rhi'hara's ring…