Everyone has her dark secrets.. the part of her past she'd rather no one ever knew. I know mine, and I would carry it to my grave were it up to me alone. But others would seek to ruin me with my secrets.. and have ruined me already. I am Aes Sedai.. I am supposed to be calm and serene. I am supposed to be able to weather any storm and not grimace nor smile. I am Ramelle Dobar.. and I am only human.....
I grew up in Ebou Dar.. the center of Altara's trade.. and also the dumping ground of Altara's degenerates and underlings. This was so long ago, I marvel that I still remember it so clearly. My father died when I was young, or so my mother always told me. But the absense of any sheath whatsoever about my mother's neck always led me to wonder at the truth behind her words. All the same, I loved my mother, and I would have died protecting her. More the fool was I; for, even though I loved her, she was incapable of actual love. I thought nothing of it when I was young. I merely thought the way my mother acted was the way every girl's mother acted.
The terrible truth came to me when a very shady character visited my mother one late night. She told me to stay in the kitchen, and I did. However, I listened. My curiosity would not let me leave well enough alone. I was surprised at what I heard. If I knew then what I knew now, I would have been horrified rather than surprised. My mother had never told me the stories that make children crawl under their sheets at night, shivering in fear. At the time, I merely thought she was protecting me.
This man was clothed in darkness and spoke words that almost echoed in my ears as if he were near me instead of my mother. He spoke of orders.. and of sending me away to do my job. My job? I had thought to myself.. What is my job? That next morning (for I did not tell my mother that I had listened) my mother told me I was going to go away to learn more about myself. When I questioned her, she raised her hand as if to slap me, and I silenced.
Within a few days, I was on my way to Tar Valon and the White Tower. Mother told me nothing of what I was to do in this new place. I look back upon the day of my arrival and wish to the Light I could reach back in time and shake sense into my young and naive self. I suppose that is something we all wish we could do sometimes. But, I digress...
I was dressed in the Novice white and told to do chores and lessons as all Novices do. I found all this redundantly unneccessary and an injustice to my fine dueling skills acquired as I grew in Ebou Dar. This also did not help my fiery temper, which, I must confess, still plagues me to this day. More than once, I was punished for starting fights with other Novices.. and sometimes with Younglings. It was also during my time as Novice that I discovered the reality of my situation...
"Ramelle..." I remember the voice even now, and it still chills me to the bone -- blue shall or not. My young self shivered and turned to view this stranger within the Tower walls. A stranger.. No, I knew him. I'd known him all my life, and yet I only had just met him. The man was impressive.. a towering man whose shadow seemed to encompass me to the guts.