The List of Mommy, Mommy! Jokes Some of these jokes are repetitive, and sound similar to other jokes on this page. Just don't complain about them to me! If you really do find a duplicate joke, please quote me the joke in full so that I can clean it up. Enjoy! WARNING These jokes may be offensive. If you do not wish to read offensive, demeaning or dumb jokes, click here to get out.
son:
Mommy, Mommy! the kids next door are calling me a three headed dragon.
mom:
There, there, now don't you worry - three heads are better than one!
son:
Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts!
mom:
Shut up and get away from the dart board!
son:
Mommy, Mommy! My teacher says my head is too big.
mom:
Shut up and get your hat from the garage, so your father can bring the car in!
son:
Mommy, Mommy, why do other kids tell me I have a big head?
mom:
Don't worry about them. Now take your cap and go get me 40 lbs of potatoes at the
store.
Son:
Mommy, Mommy, I don't want to go to England.
mom:
Shut up and keep swimming.
son:
Mommy, mommy, are you sure this is how to learn to swim?
mom:
Shut up and get back in the sack!
son:
Mommy, mommy! how far is America?
mom:
Shut up and keep rowing.
son:
Mommy, mommy, can I go swimming?
mom:
Shut up. You know iron lungs don't float!
RUN OVER!!!!
son:
Mommy, Mommy! Suzi got run over by a steamroller.
mom:
Shut up. I'm in the bathroom, slide her under the door.
son:
Mommy, Mommy! Suzi got run over by a steamroller.
mom:
Shut up and get the maple syrup.
son:
Mommy, mommy, dad's been run over in the street!!
mom:
Don't make me laugh; you know my lips are chapped.
DELIQUANT!!!
son:
Mommy, mommy, what is a deliquant child?
mom:
Shut up, light your cigarette, drink your whisky and deal those cards.
son:
Mommy, mommy, what is a deliquant child?
mom:
Shut up and pass me the crowbar.
son:
Mommy, Mommy! Why can't I play with the other kids?
mom:
Shut up and deal.
son:
Mommy, Mommy, I don't know how to play poker.
mom:
Shaddup and deal.
LEG!!!
son:
Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere?
mom:
Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg!
son:
Mummy, Mummy, Sally won't come skipping with me.
mom:
Don't be cruel dear, you know it makes her stumps bleed.
son:
Mommy, Mommy, I don't like running in circles!
mom:
Shutup, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.
son:
Mommy, Mommy! Why do they call me spastic at school?
mom:
Shut up and take your legs out your pockets.
OTHERS!!!
son:
Mommy, Mommy, why is my head soaking wet and everything is spinning round and round?
mom:
Shut up or I'll flush again!
son:
Mommy, Mommy! Am I done with my bath yet?
mom:
Shut up or I'll flush you down!
son:
Mommy mommy ! When is the pool going to be ready ?
mom:
Shut up and spit ...
son:
Mommy, Mommy! I don't like fishing.
mom:
Shut up and stop squirming.
son:
Mommy, Mommy I don't want my hair braided.
mom:
Shut up and lift the other arm.
son:
Mommy, mommy, can I have a cookie?
mom:
Yes, the cookies are on the top shelf.
son:
But mommy, I haven't got any arms!
mom:
No arms, no cookie...
daughter:
Mommy, Mommy! Billy won't let go of my ear.
mom:
Billy, let go of Susie's ear.
mom:
Billy! Let go of her ear!
mom:
All right Billy, give me the ear.
mom:
Come upstairs, son, like a good boy.
son:
No, Mommy, you'll only throw me down again.
son:
Mommy, Mommy! Can I brush my teeth?
mom:
Yes, now shut up and get the jar!
son:
Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's running down the street!
mom:
Shut up and step on the gas!
son:
Mommy Mommy! It's cold and dark and damp down here.
mom:
Shut up or I'll flush it again.
son:
Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages they send to Africa?
mom:
Shut up and get back in the box!
son:
Mommy, Mommy I don't want to go to China!
mom:
Shut up and put your other foot in the CARE package!
son:
Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey!
mom:
Shut up and comb your face!
son:
Mommy, Mommy! What's a werewolf?
mom:
Shut up and comb your face!
son:
Mommy, Mommy! Can I go to the toilet?
mom:
Yes Johnny I'll take you in a minute.
son:
Can Granny take me?
mom:
Why?
son:
Her hand shakes.
son:
Mommy, Mommy! Grandpa's going out!
mom:
Well throw some more gasoline on him then.
son:
Mommy, Mommy! Why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
mom:
Shut up son, you'll wake your father.
son:
Mommy, mommy, can I buy a new dress?
mom:
You know it won't fit over your iron lung.
son:
Mommy!Mommy!Who will I stay with while you are gone?
mom:
Grandma Dear now get in the coffin.
son:
Mommy, Mommy, I'd like to play marbles now!
mom:
Keep quiet, you can't use Grandpa's glasseye today!
son:
Mommy, Mommy, can I wear a bra now? I'm 16..
mom:
Shut up Albert....
son:
Mommy, mommy, why is your hair so green?
mom:
[Sneezes into hand] Sure don't know, son. [wipes hand on hair]
son:
Mommy, Mommy, why do other kids tell me I have a long nose?
mom:
You don't, but lift your head up or you'll scrape the floor.
son:
Mommy, Mommy! How come sis gets to watch TV and I can't?
mom:
Shut up or I'll cut your ears off, too!
son:
Mommy, Mommy! Why are we celebrating Christmas in July?
mom:
Shut up, you know you have cancer.
son:
Mommy, Mommy, don't push to the elevator
shAAAAAAAFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTT!
son:
Mommy, Mommy! What do you want with that ax....
son:
Mommy, Mommy! I can't breathe!
mom:
Good, it's working.
son:
Mommy, Mommy! What am I gonna be when I grow up?
mom:
Nothing, dear. I have AIDS!
son:
Mommy, Mommy! can I have a bike for Christmas?
mom:
Nope. You already have your wheelchair.
son:
Mommy, mommy! I don't see what's so hot about watching tv!
mom:
Shut up and turn the damn thing on!
son:
Mommy, Mommy! Daddy just poisoned my kitten!
mom:
Never mind dear. Perhaps he had to do it.
son:
No he didn't, he promised me I could!
son:
Mommy, Mommy! Can Sheldon come out and play baseball with us?
mom:
Now you know your little brother has no arms and legs!
son:
Yeah, we know. We just wanna use him for second base.
son:
Mommy, Mommy! Why is my hair so slimey?
mom:
Shut up, you little snot.
What did the little boy say when his mother scolded him for cutting his Christmas present (a
spotted hamster) neatly in two pieces with a cleaver?
Answer: "But, Mommy, you said that if I was good, I could have (halve) him."
If these do not gross you out enough, you are severely twisted. There is a cure though, but it is slightly unethnical. There is another page, which is for sickos like you. If you want to go there, you waive all your rights and enter the door of the NASTY mommy mommy jokes
Enjoy
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