X*F*I*L*E: Welcome to Hell
FADE IN
EXT. LANDING AREA OUTSIDE 4077th MASH - DAY
Our attention is concentrated on a sign reading: "You are here - PARALLEL 30." Below these words, arrows point to "NORTH China" in one direction, "SOUTH China" in opposite one. One transport helicopter are coming in slowly from the south, descending onto what can qualifies as a chopper launch/landing pad. Camera view switches from the chopper back to the signs, we see a second sign bearing very large letters: "M*A*S*H." Camera angle changes to include the choppers and the signs. We can now read the rest of the sign. Above the four large letters it says: "4077TH," and below the "M*A*S*H", we see the words : "Mobile army surgical hospital", but in much smaller prints. The helicopters land and we see a man carrying a large standard issue army canvas bag running up to the chopper. We can’t see what the man looks like since his back is to us. However, we can catch glimpses of long blonde hair. The camera pulls back to show a large group of people all in green army fatigues gathered around the chopper, but in a safe distance. As the chopper takes off, the group of people starts waving. And from the intensity of the gestures, we get the sense that they are waving goodbye to a person they were very close to. The camera once again follows the helicopter, as we start to roll the:
OPENING CREDITS & THEME SONG
ACT 1
EXT. THE M*A*S*H COMPOUND - DAY
We see a series of big, but portable green tents lined up in a horse shoe shape. The camera slowly panned to a road that leads into the compound. Than we see a cloud of dust quickly moving towards the compound on the road. As the cloud of dust got a lot closer at an awesome speed, we discover the cause of this is a speeding jeep.The jeep come to a screeching stop right in front of one of the tents, and the driver hop out.
Captain Fox William "Hawkeye" Mulder, M.D., an unorthodox,but extremely good surgical doctor who was drafted into the godforsaken war, looked very happy with himself as he discovered he had broke his record driving time once again.
Major Alex Krychek, M.D., called "Ratboy" by others because of his tendency to "rat" on people, not to mention questionable surgical skills, and various other undesirable qualities, was the temporary and highly incompetent commanding officer of 4077th MASH. (Promoted due to the unfortunate death of Lieutenant Colonel John Fitzgerald Byers.) Accompanied by Corporal "Radar" Pendrell, nickname given because of his uncanny ability to predict events. Everyone called him that because, well frankly no one can remember his real first name. He’s lovable, young, but highly efficient. He’s the company clerk, who basically keeps the camp from falling apart. The two ran out to investigate the noise, only to be covered by dust blew off by Mulder’s jeep.
Mulder(grinning)
Hiya Ratty, reverting to your natural filthy state huh?
Krychek(screaming)
THAT IS NO WAY TO ADDRESSEE YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER. Don’t be so smug, now that the trouble-making partner of yours is gone, I can handle you like back of my hand.
Krychek walks away giggling.
Mulder(puzzled but still grinning)
Hey, sorry for spraying you too, Radar. But Krychek’s expression was priceless and what the hell was the Rat talking about?
Radar(previously grinning now had a solemn expression)
Langly got his orders to go home, Hawkeye. I’m sorry but he just left.
Mulder(shocked)
What? My best friend went home and I didn’t even get to say goodbye because I was having a little R&R down in Beijing. I don’t believe it!! I’m going to the Basement, maybe he left a note.
INT. THE BASEMENT- DAY
We see a wooden door on a green tent, on it was large painted letters in black that said - "The Basement". As Mulder open the door, we can see the interior and the audience can guess why the tent was called the Basement.There were three cots. The area by the two cots on the right was a complete mess, a typical bachelor dwelling. Looking like a storage Basement. The area by the other cot was relatively clean however. The audience can guess that the messy side belonged to Mulder and Langly and the clean side belong to Krychek. Mulder found Langly’s favorite T-Shirt lying on his cot. However, he failed to find any farewell note.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE BASEMENT- DAY
Mulder walks out, his spirit visibly low. He spots Radar in a jeep and he walks over.
Mulder
Hey Radar, you’re ditching poor ol’Hawkeye, too?
Radar(worried about his friend)
The orders came out of the blue, Langly had to leave in a hurry. He probably didn’t have time....(he stopped, seeing this isn’t cheering Mulder up)Anyways, I’m heading out to Neijing to pick up the new guy.
Mulder(getting excited)
Why don’t I come with you, maybe I can catch Langly before he takes off.
Radar(worried again but for different reasons)
Hawk, I can’t. I had specific orders from Major Krychek......
Mulder
Forget Ratboy, and since when have I been known to follow orders? What kind of a friend would I be, if I don’t kick Langly’s ass for ditching me, eh kid? And if you’re worry about getting into trouble, don’t, I’ll take the heat. Whaddaya say, Radar?
Radar(reluctantly)
Oh........al right
Mulder(grinning)
Thanks, kid! I could kiss ya, but let’s not waste time.
EXT. MASH COMPOUND-DAY
With that, the jeep took off quickly. Leaving behind only a cloud of dust.
(END ACT 1)