Season 1

The Pilot

Scene: When Scully and Mulder first meet.

Mulder: Sorry, nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted.

Mulder: Oh, isn't it nice to be suddenly so highly regarded.

Mulder: I was under the impression that you were sent to spy on me.

Scully: The answers are there you just have to know where to look for them.

Mulder: That's why they put the "I" in FBI.

Scene: The coffin Mulder and Scully lifted out of the grave rolled down the hill and cracked open. Mulder opens it and looks at a very small corpse

Mulder: It's probably a safe bet Ray Salms never made the Varsity Basketball team.

Scene: A knock on the hotel room door.

Scully: Who is it?

Mulder: Steven Speilburg.

Deep Throat

Scully: Mulder, did you see their eyes? If I were that stoned --

Mulder: OOH! If you were that stoned *what*?

Mulder: Tell me I'm crazy.

Scully: Mulder. You're crazy.

SPACE

Mulder: ...to deny us evidence

Scully: Evidence of what?

Mulder: Alien civilization

Scully: Oh, of course.

Mulder: Didn't you ever want to be an astronaut when you were growing up?

Scully: I must have missed that phase.

Mulder: You have to admit, that was exciting. Mission Control and all.

Scully: Yeah, ranks right up there with getting a pony and learning to braid my own hair.

SQUEEZE

Colton: So Mulder, what do you think? Does this look like the work of little green men?

Mulder: Grey.

Colton: Excuse me?

Mulder: Grey. You said green men. The reticulant skin tone is actually grey. They're notorious for there extraction of terrestrial human livers. Due to iron depletion in the Reticulan galaxy.

Colton: You can't be serious?

Mulder: Do you have any idea what liver and onions go for in Reticula?

Scully: Oh, God, Mulder. It smells like... I think it's bile.

Mulder: Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?

Scene: Mulder talking softly to Scully

Mulder: Do you find me spooky?

MIRACLE MAN

Scene: Scully rinsing a lung off in a sink.

Scully: Mulder, take a look at this.

Mulder: Do I have to?

Scully: You've got that look on your face, Mulder.

Mulder: What look is that?

Scully: The kind where when you've forgotten your keys and you're trying to figure out how to get back in the house.

Mulder: Remember the boy did rise from the dead. That kind of thing happens only once or twice every 2000 years or so.

FALLEN ANGEL

Scene: Inside Mulder's trashed hotel room

Scully: What's going on?

Mulder: Looks like housekeeping hasn't been here yet.

Deep Throat: Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer.

JERSEY DEVIL

Scene: Mulder reading a magazine

Scully: Working hard, Mulder?

Mulder: (indicating to centerfold) This woman claims to have been taken aboard a space ship and held in an anti-gravity chamber without food and water for three days.

Scully: (Looking sideways at magazine) Antigravity's right.

Scully: I have a date.

Mulder: Can you cancel?

Scully: Unlike you Mulder, I would like to have a life.

Mulder: I have a life!

SHADOWS

Mulder: Hey Scully, do you believe in an afterlife?

Scully: I'd settle for a life in this one.

MIB: If any inquiry is made about this meeting, we request full denial.

Mulder: I'd say you people already suffer from full denial.

Mulder: You may be right.

Scully: Wait. You think *I'm* right?

Mulder: Do you realize how hard it is to fake your own death? Only one person has pulled it off, Elvis.

Mulder: I would never lie; I willfully participate in a campaign of misinformation.

GHOST IN THE MACHINE

Scully: So why did you two go your separate ways?

Mulder: I'm a pain in the ass to work with.

Scully: No, seriously.

Mulder: You mean I'm NOT a pain in the ass to work with.

FIRE

Scully: Oh, I forgot what it was like to spend a day in court.

Mulder: That's one of the luxuries of hunting down aliens and genetic mutants. You rarely get to press charges.

E.B.E.

Langley: Is this your skeptical partner?

Frohike: She's hot.

Byers: You don't believe that the CIA, threatened by a loss of power and funding, because of the collapse of the cold war, wouldn't dream of having the old enemy back?

Scully: I think you give the government too much credit. I mean, the government can't control the deficit or manage crime, what makes you think they can plan and execute such an elaborate conspiracy?

Frohike: She *is* hot.

Byers: Vladamir Cherernofski, the leader of the Russian Social Democrats, is being put into power by the most heinous and evil force of the twentieth century.

Mulder: Barney?

Byers: That's why we like you Mulder, your ideas are weirder than ours.

Scully: The truth is out there, but so are lies.

Scully: Those are the most paranoid people I have ever met. I don't know how you could think what they say is remotely plausible.

Mulder: I think its remotely plausible that someone might think you're hot.

Mulder: I tied up an air phone for three hours. I don't speak Japanese, but I think some businessman told me to stick a piece of sushi where the sun don't shine.

Darkness Falls

Scene: Mulder and Scully looking at a picture of 30 or so loggers

Mulder: Rugged manly men in the full bloom of their manhood.

Scully: Right, what am I looking for?

Mulder: Anything unusual, unlikely, unexplainable...boyfriend?

ERLENMEYER FLASK

Scene: Scully holding up a Erlenmeyer flask full of odd-colored liquid

Scully: OK Mulder, but I'm warning you. If this is monkey pee, you're on your own.

Deep Throat: Calling it a night Mr. Mulder?

Mulder: My mother usually likes me home before the street lights come on.

Scully: I should know by now to trust your instincts.

Mulder: Why? Nobody else does.