Season 2

The Host

Scene: Mulder and Norman in a sewer, and Mulder steps in sewage.

Mulder: Ugh!

Norman: Watch yourself.

Mulder: Yeah, wouldn't want to _step_ into anything.

Scully: Mind if I sit here?

Mulder: I have to warn you, I'm having violent impulses.

Scully: I'm armed. I'll take my chances.

Scully: This was living inside the body. Apparently, it had attached itself to the bile duct and was feeding off the liver.

Mulder: LOVE-ly.

Scully: Believe it or not, something like 40 million people are infected worldwide.

Mulder: This isn't where you tell me some terrible story about sushi, is it?

Scully: Maybe you'd rather hear what you can catch from a nice rare steak.

Mulder: So....what? The murder weapon was a nice rare sirloin?

Scully: ...they are not creatures that go around attacking people.

Mulder: Well, that's good. I didn't want to have to tell Skinner that his murder suspect was a giant bloodsucking worm...

Scully: No...

Scully: Platyhelminthes are often hermaphroditic. Mulder, this is amazing. Its vestigial features appear to be parasitic, but it has primate physiology. Where the hell did it come from?

Mulder: I don't know. But it looks like I'm gonna have to tell Skinner that his suspect is a giant bloodsucking worm after all.

BLOOD

Mulder: Imagine being one of those flies on the wall of the oval office.

Frohike: Been there. Done that.

Frohike: So, Mulder, where's your little partner?

Mulder: She wouldn't come. She's afraid of her love for you.

Frohike: She's tasty.

Mulder: You know Frohike, it's men like you that gives perversion a bad name.

Scene: Mulder asking Frohike for a pair of night vision binoculars

Mulder: Hey Frohike. Can I borrow those?

Frohike: If I can have Scully's phone number.

Mulder: He is probably one of those people who think Elvis is dead.

Scene: Mulder and Scully looking at broken doorbell

Scully: This is odd.

Mulder: Frustrated Jehovah's Witness?

SLEEPLESS

Scully: Must be nice not having someone questioning your every move, poking holes in all your theories.

Mulder: Oh. Yeah....Yeah, it's great. I'm surprised I put up with you for so long.

Krycek: Hey, I don't like apreciate being ditched like somebody's bad date.

Mulder: Sorry if I hurt your feelings.

Krycek: You know, back in the academy, people used to call you names.

Mulder: Oh please, now you're gonna hurt my feelings.

Scene: Krycek and Mulder looking at a scar in victims neck.

Krycek: Records show his only surgery was his appendix.

Mulder: Not unless they got his appendix through his neck.

Mr. X: The truth is still out there, is has never been more dangerous.

DUANE BARRY

Official: Mulder, why are you so paranoid?

Mulder: It's not paranoia when you're right.

ASCENSION

Man in Skinner's office: Why are you so paranoid, Mulder?

Mulder: Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because I find it hard to trust anybody.

Scene: Krycek and Mulder are in a car and Mulder almost falls while driving.

Krycek: The US Department of Transportation estimates that over 190,000 fatal car crashes every year are caused by sleepiness?

Mulder: Did they estimate how many people are put to sleep listening to their statistics?

3

The Son: Don't you want to live forever?

Mulder: Not if drawstring pants come back into style.

ONE BREATH

Byers: How did you get these charts.

Frohike: I hid them in my pants?

Mulder: Plenty of room there too.

Cancer Man: I'm in the game because I believe what i'm doing is right.

Mulder: Right? Who are you to decide what's right?

Cancer Man: Who are *you*?

Melissa Scully: Why is it so dark in here?

Mulder: Because the lights aren't on.

Frohike: Mulder you look down. You're welcome to come over on Saturday. We're going to jump on the internet and nitpick the scientific inaccuracies of Earth 2.

Mulder: I'm doing my laundry.

Cancer Man: Don't try and threaten me, Mulder. I've watched presidents die.

Mulder: I brought you something... Superstart of the Superbowl.

Scully: I knew there was a reason to live.

FIREWALKER

Mulder: I'm gonna go find Trepkos.

Scully: What if he's already dead?

Mulder: Then he'll have a tough time answering my questions.

EXCELSIUS DEI

Mulder: Whatever tape you found in that VCR isn't mine.

Scully: Good, because I put it back in that drawer with all those other videos that aren't yours.

Mulder: (looking at screen) Well, this definitely isn't mine.

IRRESISTIBLE

Mulder: Well, some people collect salt and pepper shakers. Fetishists collect dead things- fingernails and hair. None quite knows why. Though I've never really understood salt and pepper shakers myself.

Bochs: There was somebody down there in the grave, cut the hair with a pair of pinking shears. Gotta wonder about this guy....

Mulder: Well, at least he wasn't down there with his dippity-do and his blow-dryer.

DIE HAND DIE VERLETZT

Scully: ...But it would take a python hours... *days* to digest a human.

Mulder: You really do watch The Learning Channel, don't you?

Mulder: Did you really expect to conjure up the devil and ask him to behave?

Teacher: It's high school. It's normal for students to display abnormal behavior.

Scully: I mean, there's nothing odd about...

(toads start falling from the sky, then stop)

Mulder: So, lunch?

Scully: Mulder, toads just fell from the sky!

Mulder: Guess their parachutes didn't open. What did you say about this place not feeling odd?

FRESH BONES

Mulder: You should *always* carry protection.

Scene: Mulder and Scully come into the Colonel's office as he's having breakfast

Colonel: I'm sorry, I'm having my breakfast.

Mulder: That's alright, we already ate.

COLONY

Scene: Mulder gets hit by a car.

Scully: How you feeling?

Mulder: Like I should have used the crosswalk.

Scully: Our `friend' from the CIA is about as unbelievable as his story. As is everything about this case. I mean, whatever happened to `Trust no one'?

Mulder: Oh, I changed it to `Trust everyone'. Didn't I tell you?

END GAME

Alien Samantha Clone: I know how to kill him.

Mulder: How?

Alien Samantha Clone: By piercing the base of the skull...

Mulder: That would kill anybody.

Mr. X: You wanted to see me?

Mulder: How was the opera?

Mr. X: Wonderful. I've never slept better. I don't like these hasty public meetings, Agent Mulder.

Mulder: I'm sorry. I need your help.

Mr. X: It's over. The fat lady is singing.

Skinner: What's going on here agent Mulder? Why are the lights out?

Mulder: Orders from my optometrist.

Alien Bounty Hunter: Is the answer to your question worth dying for? Is that what you want?

Mulder: Where is she? Just tell me where she is.

Alien Bounty Hunter: She's alive. Can you die now?

Scene: Scully and Mulder in a hospital room. Mulder is recovering from the alien virus.

Scully: Hey... How you feeling?

Mulder: Like I got a bad case of freezer burn.

Scully: Thanks for ditching me...

Scully: Did you find what you were looking for?

Mulder: (whispering) No... no. But I found something I'd thought I'd lost. Faith to keep looking...

HUMBUG

Scene:Dr. Blockhead pounds a nail into his chest in a funeral

Mulder:I can't wait for the wake!

Scene: Mulder just asked Mr. Nutt(who's a midget.....um..excuse me, I mean a person of short stature. hehe..no offense intended!) whether he's done any circus work.

Mr. Nutt: I've taken in your all-American features, your dourdemeanor, your unimaginative necktie design, and concluded you work for the government. An FBI Agent. But do you see the tragedy here? I have mistakenly reduced you to a stereotype. A caricature. Instead of regarding you as aspecific, unique individual.

Mulder: But I am an FBI agent.

Dr. Blockhead: Did you know that through the protective Chinese art of tu bwan you can train your testicles to draw up into your abdomen?

Mulder: Oh, I'm doing that as we speak.

Mr. Nutt: You'd be surprised how many women find my size intriguingly alluring.

Mulder: You'd be surprised how many men do as well. (Smiles conspiratoryly)

Scene: Mulder and Scully arrested Dr.Blockhead

Dr. Blockhead: I don't answer any questions until I talk to my lawyer.

Scully: Who's your lawyer?

Dr. Blockhead: I represent myself.

Scene: Scully pulls cricket she "ate" from behind Mulder's ear

Scully: It's an old sleight of hand my uncle taught me. He was only an amateur magician but he was still better than those two.

Mulder: Well I'm going over to the lab to see if they can test the blood on the window against the blood on Dr. Blockhead's nail.(Produces nail from mid-air) Everybody's uncle's an amateur magician.

F. EMASCULATA

Scully: According to the briefing, prisoners escaped by hiding in a laundry cart.

Mulder: I don't think the guards are watching enough prison movies.

Skinner: Agent Mulder. I'm saying this as a friend. Watch your back. This is just the beginning.

SOFT LIGHT

Kelly: Agent Scully, what are you looking at?

Scully: Uh, the heat register.

Kelly: You don't think anyone could have squeezed in there?

Mulder: You never know...

Det. Beren: Yeah, I was just wondering what your involvement is here.

Mulder: We caught the guy.

Mulder: ...He believes the government is out to get him.

Mr X: It's tax season. So do most Americans.

Mulder: Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you, Scully.

OUR TOWN

Scully: I just came up with a sick theory.

Mulder: Oooo, I'm listening!

Mulder: Well I'd like it dragged as soon as possible.

Sheriff: Why would ya wanna do that?

Mulder: To see what's in there.

Scully: All of them share one strange detail, Mulder.

Mulder: Well they seem to have lost their heads...

ANASAZI

Thinker: I.. I don't want you to know my real name. I.. I just don't think it's that important that you know.

Mulder: Sounds like a line I used in a bar once.

Scully: Mulder, are you okay?

Mulder: Yeah, I just haven't been sleeping.

Scene: Mulder talking to Cancer Man on a cell phone

Cancer Man: Where are you?

Mulder: I'm at the Betty Fort centre,where are you?

Mulder: Listen to me, you black-lung son-of-a-bitch, I'm going to expose you and your project. Your time is over!

Back to the Main Page

Back to X-ism