Forever Knight: War 8
The UF Quote List

The following quotes were written by UFers during War 8. Quotes were chosen if they were humorous, inspired, or signifigant in some manner.

     This little mound of luggage walked up, then said, "Kewl knockers!"

     "Do you say that to your kids when you lock them in the closet?" 
     "Yeah," replied Leslie, her murky green eyes puzzled. "So?"

     Leslie glanced at her friend. "Oh come on, you're still sore that I kidnapped you forcibly from your job at the Met during a critical time and now you have no means to return?" 
     Julia glared at her. "No, I just thought about the fact that I'm probably going to get a life sentence for your murder."

     "I'll bet it's a conspiracy by the goverment..."
     "<Wrong show>," Susan whispered quietly to her.

     "We wouldn't manifest Lucien LaCroix, country singer/Avon saleslady/movie starlet/Jehovah's Witness."

     "We may have had our differences with TPTB, but even *they* can't be so stupid as to think that we would want to watch "Nickapoo, Vampire Kangaroo-boy Homicide Detective!"

     "Ow, ow, ow," she whimpered. "Julia, remember, I'm a sadist. I don't like my own pain."
     "You lied to me," whined Julia.
     "I'll never do it again, I swear," Leslie vowed, eyes watering. "What did I lie about?"

     "I'm alive," she remarked wonderingly.
     "Perhaps it's only temporary," replied Leslie abstractedly.

      "I'm a very simple man."
     (Vampire, she silently corrected.)

     "I bet *they* can play golf at midnight," she murmured.

     "Was that Vachon or Memorex?" Susan asked, looking back at the tall, dark haired man walking down the sidewalk.

     "Ah, you want a honey stick, Nick?"
     "Ah, no thanks, I've already drun...., ah, eaten. Besides, there's no wine to go with it."

     Really, he hadn't felt so ... alive since he had killed his son just over a year ago.

     "It wasn't for her sake, trust me."
     "I know," Nick assured him. "And I do."

     "We need to think and talk. Will ... can you do that? Give us the time we need?"
     Lacroix smiled slightly. "We have all the time in the world, Nicholas."

     "They're at 56 Hudson Drive; this is two blocks off, 28 Highlander."
     "Highlander?" asked Julia, an eyebrow raised.
     "It's the closest to a crossover we're getting," said Maus, shrugging.

     The UFfers all froze for a moment, then there was a flurry of movement as they all stood up. Leslie made a dash for the bathroom and was not seen again for the rest of the evening.

     "The last time I saw one of those it was hanging from the seat of Nicholas' breeches by its teeth."

     "And tachyon waves are?" April asked with a smile lighting her face.
     "An overused plot device?" Susan quipped deadpan, as her traveling buddies cracked up.

     "Hi guys. What's going on?" Kelly asked, pulling a seat out and plopping down.
     "Shooting the..." April began to say, as she handed the pull tab in Kelly when she sat down.
     "Don't say it! It's supposed to be PG, you know," Maus declared hurriedly.

     "We might be UFfers, but we draw the line at Congressional clones."

     From what she had seen, it wasn't even very *good* pornography. Turgid, unimaginative, and look, a participle, just dangling...

     "Like I'd get a kick out of being brought up on indecency charges."
     "Gee, Oscar Wilde was," said Leslie, her long hair a haystack after having washed it a dozen times to get the dumpster stink out of it. "Twice."
     Kelly glared evilly at the occasionally too So-Cal blonde. "Did he get a kick out of it?"
     "Ah, no," replied Leslie. "I don't think he was into bondage."

     "At least we keep all our erotica where kids can't get at it."

     "Wow, Leslie, are those your Tardis pants?"

     "Hey," April said, springing to Nick's defense, "He might have done it, you know, offscreen." Laurey shrugged. "Maybe. We all know a *lot* of stuff happens offscreen, right?" Wicked smiles crossed everyone's faces for a moment, then they turned their attention back to the matter at hand.

     "Hey, I can flashback! Just like Nick! This is great! No wonder he spaces out all the time. I love War! OK, where, was I?" She sank back into her flashback.....

     "You're going to get yourself tangled up in something sticky, Nicholas."
     "Yeah, well," Nick tossed over his shoulder as he headed out the door, suitcase in hand, "*you're* the one who loathes being sticky. Not me."

     Julia started to explain their purpose. "I know this is War, and the UF has a slightly... disreputable reputation. That's a strange way of putting it...,"

     Kelly saw that her well-intentioned but temporally confused friend had not gotten the message across. Luckily she had been studying "Juliabonics" at the "UF School of Foreign Languages".

     "She'll love it once we get started. It's like swimming in cold water, you hate it, but after someone pushes you in and you get over the shock, it's a lot of fun."

     Sukh dropped the air head routine, signaled to the waiting UFfers, and led him, still staring at her bust to a dark corner where she used a nerve pinch on him. Good thing she watched those Star Trek re-runs, she thought as he dusted off her hands and went into the stables.

     Looking at the officer like he was Mad Max come to rescue her from the Motorcycle Mutant Gang, she spoke in a soft, husky, slightly timid voice, as if amazed at her own boldness in speaking to such a great big formidable handsome man.

     Michelle glared at her with her best 'I'm-armed-with-a-BFG(DOOM reference)-and-don't-you-forget-it' look from underneath the horse.

     "Last War you got to steal a vampire's motorcycle. *Two* vampires' motorcycles. And you almost ran one over Lacroix's foot. Why should you have all the fun?"
     "I was only in danger of exsanguination, not arrest..."

     Dawn's light streaming through the windows was a real bummer of a way to start the day, for a vampire.

     "Why? Why did you do this?"
     The assorted UFfers looked at him. Sukh cocked her head to one side and stated the obvious. "Because ... we shouldn't."

     "Nick," said Sukh, "you're taking this far too seriously. You'd think Leslie was writing this." There came a few vehement whispers from behind her. "Oh. She is? That explains it."

     "At least ... at least you're not a giant penguin or something equally mind-bending."
     "Honk," whispered Lacroix, and Nick could have sworn he caught a whiff of fish on his breath.

     "April...," Nick called as he stepped into the room. "How did the Evil Pink Shirt find me here!! I must warn LaCroix!" Nick yelled, then flew from the laundry room.

     "There are probably more vampires per square foot around this town right now then there are lawyers."
     "A double bloodsucking population," Jules grinned.

     "Discretion, ladies, is like the honey with which you are so, so... preoccupied. Discretion sweetens everyday life. Discretion lubricates social intercourse." His grave manner dared them to misunderstand his meaning and laugh.

     "Do you know what UF stands for, Nick?" asked Wendy Marie, pronouncing it "Oof," a big grin on her face.
     "Unnamed Faction, yes?"
     "It's the sound Lacroix makes when Nick tackles him to the floor."

     Leslie, still shivering with delight, grinning, chortled, "Yep. Now all I gotta do is get a Lacroix to say 'decapitated corpse in the beer fridge' and my aural fixations will have been satisfied."

      Toronto. The city of crime, scum, and a spankin' good souvlaki. Where men were men, women were women, and vampires were vampires, except for one blond 800 year old vampire, who really wanted to be only a man again.

     "You said we had all the time in the world. Surely there's room for a nap in there somewhere."

     "It's all that pitter-patter of little mortal feet, Nicholas. And..." He leaned closer to whisper, "...pink shirts."

     He leaned over, giving the entire group a spectacular view of his butt. Leslie fainted face first into her cereal, Sukh and Maus drooled harder. Jules still stared. Laurey started to pound Susan on the back. Jennifer stopped breathing.

     The duckies were wearing little sailors caps, and cartoon bubbles next to each one said 'Quack quack!' Truly, it was a sight only for the most ardent ducky fans.

     "Ew do' dwive a howsh, ichel," Sukh replied through the chocolate.

     "Eeeeoooowwwww!" Libby and Screed exclaimed, sounding amazingly like a pair of disgusted Tracy Vetters.

     Leslie went into a fugue by the phone. Golly, she missed her kids. The dubious slant to the young Knightie's brow as she declared her mother a weirdo, that cute little glint in the baby Cousin's eye after she'd stuck the cat in the freezer.

     "OhMyGod, Sukh? I didn't recognize you in a position of authority!"

     "I almost drowned in my cereal. That was pretty thrilling."

     "A toy!" NickyChick burst out, surprising both the UFfers, who stared in fascination at the sound of Nick's voice spilling from a large Antarctic bird. "Yes! A fitting recompense, an atonement for centuries of innocent herrings' lives consumed in my lust for fishy blood. A toy - to be chewed, prodded, ignominiously handled, machine washed, left too long in the dryer on high, singeing my plush fur! After all, wasn't I *his* toy for years, centuries..." The penguin trailed off, honking softly to himself. The humans sat silent a moment, blinking.
     "Make sure you find one that comes without the angst," suggested Shirl quietly. "You don't want to warp the kid."
     "Too much," corrected Leslie. "You wanna warp them just a little bit. Adds color and dimension to their lives and the lives of those around them."

     Sukh swung back onto her horse and grinned. "One for all?"
     "And all For Forever Knight!"

     "What! And this had better be good. You're small enough I can squeeze you into the laundry hamper."

     "Could you do me a favor and fly up there and get my heart for me? I think it landed near the top of one of those pine trees."

     "BLAH! I'M ALL STICKY!! I *LOATHE* BEING ALL STICKY- oh. Hi, Nick."

     A minute passed. A pigeon, disturbed from his roost by the fracas, fluttered down to the pavement a few feet away from them and began walking in circles, cooing and bobbing his head. A McDonald's Happy Meal container blew across the parking lot.

     "Pooooor, poor homicidal wacko!"

     ...it's not over until the Sun rises and this is Forever Knight...

     "The Knighties?" he prodded indulgently.
     "Oh I'm sure they would have nothing other than the piano but I'm not certain that *I* would choose it for them... I think that for them - for their benefactor - the viola is more suited. Poor viola. Trapped between the high notes and the low. Never quite deciding what it really wants to be."

     "The RatPackers?" he asked.
     "The kazoo. It's a suitably shiny-thingee that doesn't require much training. And it's portable too."

     "The UF?" the Don asked quietly.
     "Cello. The human voice in all of its pathos and hope."

     "I tend to avoid these appliances myself. I once discovered a decapitated corpse in a beer fridge."

     "When you move across times, across cultures, you can't help but learn - or you die - that humanity is marvelously, fascinatingly variable. One's mind is opened again and again."

     "If you start flashing this picture around and I hear about it somehow I will do whatever it takes to bribe the Lurkers into using their tesserect to get me to your dimension so I can exact a terrible revenge. You are one of the sweetest men I have ever met."

     "What's wrong with a little kissy face between a couple old soldiers anyway?"