SIGNS YOU'VE HIRED THE WRONG CLOWN

Signs You've Hired the Wrong Clown for Your Child's Party

  • Prefaces each trick with, "here's a little number I learned in the joint." *squirts you with seltzer*

  • Keeps screaming, "My name's not BO-zo, it's bo-ZO!" *squirts you with seltzer*

  • His specialty is the "severed limb" trick *squirts you with seltzer*

  • By the end of the party, he's got every kid doing the "pull my finger" trick. *squirts you with seltzer*

  • Clown car must be started with breathalizer device. *squirts you with seltzer*

  • Props for his "disappearing" trick: a moving van and your wide-screen TV. *squirts you with seltzer*

  • Wears a T-Shirt that says, "Drug-free since March!" *squirts you with seltzer*

  • More interested in squirting seltzer into his Scotch than into his pants. *squirts you with seltzer*

  • A sad clown is one thing -- a clown who spends the entire party with a gun to his temple is another thing entirely. *squirts you with seltzer*

  • Only balloon animals he can make are a snake and a "snake on acid." *squirts you with seltzer*

  • Business cards include the phrase "From the Mind of Stephen King..." *squirts you with seltzer*


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