***************************************************************** Vol. 1 THE MONTFORT MIME Issue # 6 "Knowledge is Power" *****************************************************************
----------------------------------------------------------------- | Rosh Valdokka (Greg Dewey).............Editor-In-Chief | | Drywen Regelli (Becca Ward)............Assistant Editor | | Natile Gifford (Vandi Williams)........Copy Editor | | The Eagle (J. Endicott)................International Editor | | Trouble Windwalk (Adrienne)............Classifieds Editor | | Calin Shadow Dancer (Paul Chisholm)....Advice Columnist | | Tyal (Von Sleigher)....................Thieve's Source | | Kit Tvyvar (Cathy Mosley)..............Investigative Reporter | | Baslet Beetlegob (Robert Douglas)......Reporter | | Gimli (Daniel Pallotta)................Food Reporter | | | | Reach us at: 3mfpl7n@cmuvm.csv.cmich.edu | ----------------------------------------------------------------- ***LOCAL NEWS*** FAMINE STRIKES MONTFORT [Plot/Church/Order] (Editor's note: We regret being unable to safely obtain official statements from Church and Republic officials for this story.) The last week has seen growing reports from the farms around Montfort of plighted crops, dying life stock, and dying farms. More than a few farms have been found with whole families dead. Blame is being laid on the Resistance for the blight and the ensuing famine, but according to Resistance officials, these rumors are being spread by the institutions most likely to benefit from them - the Church and the Republic. One Resistance leader who wished to remain anonymous said that these institutions were spreading the rumors because "they control where untainted food can be found: the Church's breadlines and the Dragon's Inn - if you have the coin. Nor are the Republic's people going unfed." The same resistance leader added, "Be wary where ever you get your food. Check the bread and vegetables for any discoloration or unusual smell." WAITRESS ACCUSES GRAND INQUISITOR OF VAMPIRISM [Plot/Church/Inn] After the arrival of Smith, an alleged freedom-fighter, and Grand Inquisitor Blayne at the Dragon's Inn, Fawn, a waitress at the Inn, suddenly called Smith a "traitor" and Blayne "a thryce-damned vampyre lord." According to eyewitness Harold Johnson, 48, the usually pleasant Fawn was "really mad and said there was a noticeable increase in magic around her." Johnson said she said the wards prevented her from doing too much to Smith or Blayne. She was also reported as saying that Smith's "curse was just beginning." There seems to have been some immediate results to this curse. Johnson said, "The drinks that the Churchies were having turned to blood." Apparently, for a brief time, Smith seemed to be surrounded with spectres of a multitude in their death agonies following the incident. GRAND INQUISITOR CLEANSES WEAVERS' HOUSE; SEVERAL DEATHS REPORTED [Church/Politi] (Editor's note: We regret being unable to safely obtain official statements from Church officials for this story.) Denouncing the residents as "witches," Grand Inquisitor Blayne Cleansed the Weavers' House yesterday. The Cleansing started at dawn with a firestorm called down by Proctor John, and quickly proceeded from the north end of the building to a pitched battle in the south wing. On-lookers in the street commented on the swiftness with which the Cleansing was completed. The Grand Inquisitor had the assistance not only of Proctor John, but also Deacon Geod, Captain Julf Lattman and the Blackskulls, and the divine vengeance of the Redeemer himself. Amaranth Talorin, one witness to the Cleansing, stated, "It did seem a bit much for taking on a bunch of rug-makers. But it *was* terribly efficient." Kallin So, Master Weaver in the House, now in seclusion in an undisclosed location, reported that at least three members of the House had been killed in the "Cleansing." The dead include a young apprentice disemboweled by an Inquisitor; a journeywoman beaten to death and stabbed by Deacon Geod, and a man killed by the Blackskulls. So also reported that a number of others had been injured in the attack, some seriously, and that at least one apprentice -- an unnamed woman -- is missing. So stated that he could only speculate about the reasons for the Cleansing. "Perhaps the Grand Inquisitor felt the need to make the city safe from badly woven rugs, or itchy blankets," So remarked. The Weavers' House has been in business in Montfort for ten years. For the past four years, Lanaera Koltke has been at the helm. Koltke was not available for comment. BANDITS FOUND SLAUGHTERED - ONE SURVIVOR [Plot/Smith] In the forest north of Montfort, sixteen bandits were found dead by area farmers. The methods of killing seem to have been varied; though few seemed to have died of sword or dagger wounds. The farmers said that many of the bodies had been mutilated by having their ears chopped. The ears are missing.
The farmers who found the camp said that the only survivor, an adolescent boy, was discovered staring at the leader's corpse. The leader had been decapitated, then tied to a tree with his head in his hands. The boy has been brought into town, but is still in a state of shock.
He has been unable to answer any questions. There has been no official word on this incident. GUILD MASTER BEHEADED, THIEVE'S GUILD TAKES NEW LEADER The Thieve's Guild has changed hands. According to a source close to the guild, the old Master of the Guild was beheaded and the body placed in the market square, apparently as a sign to warn the people of Montfort of the "New Order." The guild, however, claims that it answers to no laws but its own. In fact, a source within the guild wishing to remain anonymous said, "The Guild is growing stronger and we are always looking for new people whose goals coincide with ours." Just after this incident, a group of ex-watch members allegedly intruded on to property claimed by the guild. Witnesses say that the Guild members attacked first. A source in the guild said, "All trespassers will be dealt with in the same
manner." No comments were made by either the ex-watch member or the Republic. The property in question was vacant for sometime. Recently it was purchased by a anonymous merchant. See the Special Features section for an interview with a thieve's guild insider for more information.
***FOREIGN NEWS***
SUN RISES LATE OVER PAS DE MER [MIX] "Sure as the sun rises" is a phrase that won't be heard in the Pas de Mer region anytime soon. Last week, witnesses reported that the sun rose nearly forty minutes late. When it did rise, the sun was so brilliant that the ocean itself was said to "shone golden." Several sailors commented that it was the calmest ocean they had every experienced offshore from Pas de Mer, and that they had never experienced any such sunrise in their lives. After the appearance of the sun, an equally bright light was reported to rise from the ocean to meet the sun. The second light lost intensity over time. Sailors said that an unusually cold wind blew toward the mainland after the sunrise. One adventurer said the wind "destroyed our boat's sails, eating though the fabric, and reducing us to a crawl." Several crewmen have allegedly reported in sick since then, and the ocean is littered with the bloated carcasses of dead fish. ***EDITORIAL PAGE*** LETTERS TO THE EDITOR New King No Better Than Executioner Prince Robert seeks to use his coronation to win the people to him. He has not only sent out invitations to Proctor John, head of the Church of the Redeemer, Presidente' Padilla, and the owners of the Dragon's Inn, Hugh and Judy, but he has issued an open invitation to the populace of Claremont. There is little doubt that those who have taken charge of Montfort will be able to travel, should they so desire, in comfort and style to the capital. And even Hugh and Judy, who once sympathized with the battle the Refusers fought, can travel comfortably. But what of the populace of Montfort, who are hard pressed even to feed themselves, can they go to see their new King? The same Robert who gave Montfort over to the Republic, and whose father opened the way for the Church of the Redeemer. Why should the people go to Montfort to see a King who condemned them to death? -Anonymous ***SPECIAL FEATURES*** THIEVE'S GUILD STEALS THE SHOW -- EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW Note: A source close to the guild agreed to be interviewed for this special report as long as their anonymity was guaranteed. Reporter "Tell me about the Guild Master." Source "Let me just say, many in the guild have no idea who its Master really is. Mostly we try to avoid being called into his presence. Some never return. This fear keeps
the theives in line."
Reporter "Are you trying to say that the theives are scared of the current Master of the Guild?" Source "It is good for the theives to be scared of their leaders. We have less trouble, and the work gets done quicker."
Reporter "Do all the theives agree with the direction of their leaders?"
Source. "Let's just say some of us are concerned about the new direction. Talking against the Guild leadership means death."
Reporter "So you are against this new role of the Guild in Montfort?"
Source "I have lived my life on the street hiding in alleys, stealing and robbing. Now, if this new order takes place, I just might be your boss and you'd have to answer to me before anything was printed." Reporter "So are you against this change?" Source "Yes and no. Change is good. How it is being done, is what I don't agree with." Reporter "Are there others in the Guild that feel this way?" Source "Sure, however, the only way to change anything in the guild is to put into place a new leader that feels the same way you do."
Reporter "So there is going to be a revolt in the Guild soon?" Source "I didn't say that. I just told you how change took place!"
Reporter "OK, Last question. Do you know who the leaders of the Theives Guild are?" Source "Well, I really shouldn't answer this question but I will. Yes I know who they are. There are really two leaders and personally I like the younger of the two." ***GOSSIP: WHO'S NEW IN THE DRAGON'S INN*** Once again, the common room of the Dragon's Inn has been busy, witnessing the arrival of a number of assorted ruffians, rogues, and miscellaneous adventurers. The [Vampire] thread has picked up a few more players, including Kerys (shansu@axxis.com), whose violet eyes have lingered on the fine form of Guideon Blitheman, and Drmsweet (Drmsweet@kern.com), a striking looking dreamscryer complete with firelizard Moonla, who is quite disturbed at the number of undead currently populating the Inn. Manfred Von Glippard (lulagrek@atcon.com) seems to be proceeding nicely in his search for traveling companions to fight an "evil which could be loosed upon our world." "The Glippard" as he likes to call himself, has received responses from Sindaria (Apollyon@ix.netcom.com), a drow "in desperate need of a job," and from Pax Myrchelle (gmanas@mastnet.net), our second Minotaur in the past few weeks. Others on the roll call for the past three weeks include (in no particular order): Resh (christie.nowak@aoce.itd.umich.edu), with amber eyes, who has fallen in with the [Sapphire] thread; Obadias Felmore (mccoy@cdsnet.net), a tall black-haired elf whose arrival was presaged by a rather dusty, bearded old man, and who has posted a sign for employment in the Dragon's Inn; Dorius (nmeshe1@icarus.cc.uic.edu), a "poor adventurer looking for a group to explore the mountains" who has received responses from not only the Blue Lady (lulagrek@atcon.com), who has forgotten her own name, but also from the silver-haired Heartwrencher (CASHINCF@miamiu.acs.muohio.edu); Bond Isaacson (agent13@midwest.net), last of the Mirror Mages, who incurred the ire of the Dark One's minions after interrupting the sacrifice of ... a kitten (as yet unnamed); Kunbok (KUFQ15B@prodigy.com), a "small dark-skinned creature" standing only two feet tall; Remblin (bdl5@po.CWRU.Edu), a wizened old man whose eyes lack pupils and iris; Damion Darkiith (jhwiz@nando.net), garbed in red robes and passing out flyers for his shop The Archain Hand; Uilo Rhaao (EMCH@UTKVX.UTCC.UTK.EDU), walking the "path of Traau," and quickly hailed by Mordraith (u2005aex@grove.ufl.edu), the "fastest blade in the far away lands of Vartarin"; Lyja (anjela@indy.net), five feet tall, with a lovely voice and a mysterious disk -- engendering the start of the [Disk] thread; Jalnak (cchallice@TrentU.ca), who has enjoyed posing many questions to Lyja; Leonella (jsarahh@expert.cc.purdue.edu), a beautiful young woman apparently of elven blood, who passed up the fine grog available at the Inn for a simple glass of water; Quarl (tonyysmn@argonet.co.uk), whose writer hopes to "start a story where anything goes (within the absolute edges of reason)"; Kayla (vandi@conan.ids.net), a beautiful half-elf in the [Trove] thread who has bound herself to the thief, Jaren; Kai Rasha (LordPo@Nether.Net), a minidragon and "First Winetaster to Lord Draco Idaris" who arrived with a pursuer -- a hairy humanoid determined to do harm -- close behind; Jadin Twixer (CabotVT2@plainfield.bypass.com), dressed in a black shirt with green and blue trim, all aglitter with daggers, and who calls himself "Sly" -- a treasure hunter for hire; Karyn Silversheen (patrick.ocampo@utoronto.ca), a very talented bard whose mandolin kept the patrons dancing for hours; Narious Syison (jhwiz@nando.net), a black-robed fellow recently arrived from Mageport, who describes himself as a "very busy Elemental"; Matthias (hart@inav.net), the WereRaven, who has taken up with Benjan Ve'gier (semaphor@fox.nstn.ca), a rather glum man who has returned to Montfort to avenge the death of his beloved; Marcus Allurus (wildcat@prysm.net), a short man dressed in a bronze breastplate and leather skirt; Kallant, whose height -- six feet ten centimeters -- mixes various measurement systems, complete with blazing golden armor and a large sword named, appropriately enough, Bigsword; and followed by a concerned-looking chap named Benten (juice@primenet.com); Luke (CabotVT2@plainfield.bypass.com), with blue eyes and raven colored hair, and a grim expression, who has yet to state his intentions; Cromwell Blackthorn (pgarci1@gl.umbc.edu), a one-eyed, scar-faced young man who wonders whether anyone here has heard of "wretched Sublicant the Diabolist"; Aron (ken0251@ritvax.isc.rit.edu), dressed all in blue, a former leader of the "Royal Order of Hunters," who ended up in Montfort after an unfortunate encounter with timerovers in the interplane, and who may need help protecting himself from Y'kk, lord of the 5th plane of the Underworld; an unnamed, stern- looking young man (c666079@showme.missouri.edu); and, in tattered chain mail, Cabot (mswent@planetx.bloomu.edu), who has asked Hugh Rogers to set him up with some "adventurers." ***ENTERTAINMENT*** Military Hospitality Hard, Tacky Martial law in Montfort has had a deleterious effect on many of the local gourmands. This week, we report on the Montfort food scene. We spent several weeks as guests of the military at a small hostel whose location we are unable to give, having been blindfolded and chained during our journey there. The hosts at our particular camp stubbornly refused to provide a menu and insisted upon serving the same fare each day. Breakfast, luncheon and dinner, combined into one daily meal and served usually in midafternoon, is the most brusque way imaginable. Our menu consisted of water, served in a scratched and dented tin cup; several squares of hardtack, which one had to shake vigorously to dislodge weevils; and several strips of what we supposed were jerked beef, but which others identified variously as shoe leather, ogre hide and tree bark. Upon chewing, this material, whatever it was, did disintegrate into fibrous chips which stuck to the teeth, requiring the most embarrassing facial contortions for removal. Toothpicks were not available. We offer the following dining suggestions, should any of our readers happen to visit similar government accommodations: 1.) Do not dip your hardtack in the water. Not only does this violate etiquette, but the hardtack will soak up all the water and will stick to the roof of your mouth. 2.) It is considered extremely bad form to ask for more food. Indeed, several guests who did request more to eat were threatened with becoming the next day's meal. 3.) Military cooks are rather a bad-tempered group, and we suggest that you make no comment about the food. As in the item above, guests who made either positive or negative comments were considered as fodder. 4.) Although there was a brisk trade in "beef" strips, we suggest that you do not market your meals. There was really only one thing to be bought, and we cannot discuss that here. Suffice it to say that some things are worse than the food. 5.) Above all else, chew thoroughly and carefully. We cracked at least one molar on the hardtack and still have "beef" chips between our bicuspids. In order to facilitate chewing, the hardtack may be broken by inserting it between two stones and applying violent sideways pressure; or, as the favorite method at our camp, by striking one piece of hardtack against another, thus flaking it as one might nap flint. As a final note, if you do have weevils in your hardtack, consider them to be a protein bonus. We sincerely hope that government officials, if they wish to continue entertaining the citizenry at their resorts, would consider remodeling the kitchen facilities, providing more courteous cooks, and expanding the menu. At least, pre-soak the hardtack. ---------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------- THE MONTFORT MIME - CLASSIFIEDS ---------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------- Come to the B E S T B O O K S T O R E I N T O W N for: - first class reading - ancient manuscripts of power
- foreign literature - all sort of maps - Sage advice of any kind - reasonable rates Visit Librandt's Bookstore at any hour, you can find it just below the bright yellow sign. Up to date directions are floating around on a magical panel through The Red Dragons Inn. Come soon you will not regret it -------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------- **** PERSONALS **** -------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------- PEOPLE OF MONTFORT - REJOICE! ...for your salvation is at hand. Come to the Church of the Holy Redeemer each morning at sunrise and find the happiness already afforded many of your neighbors. The Church is here for you, be you of high blood or low, rich or poor, it matters not to us. We are here for your soul! ------------------------------------------------------------- To the Inquisitor: You should have killed me when you had the chance. We shall dance again, unhampered by the presence of innocents. ------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------
**** WANT ADS **** ------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------- WANTED: TROOPS Brave men and women to join the forces of the Republic. Ability to think independently not required. --------------------------------------------------------------- WANTED FOR HERESY: THAI SILVERRUN! Anyone who can give information leading to the arrest of former Deaconess, Thai Silverrun, will receive 1,000 pieces of gold and the eternal gratitude of the Holy Church. If you have such information, contact Inquisitor Blayne at the Church of the Holy Redeemer in Montfort to collect your reward. --------------------------------------------------------------- [Admin: the following are examples I used because I didn't receive enough submissions. --------------------------------------------------------------- ADVENTURERS WANTED: Example: The [Macho] group has just lost its healer. We are desperate for another. Inquire at the Dragon's Inn, ask for Bruno (bruno@macho.org) -This would be someone's actual email address. --------------------------------------------------------------- VILLAINS WANTED: Example: The [Churchianity] group needs another arch villain to work with Proctor Johannus. Must look human and work well with commoners. Magical ability a must, illusion is a plus. --------------------------------------------------------------- LONELY HEARTS: Example: Single vampire seeks regular blood donor for meaningful relationship. Meet me in the alleyway behind the Dragon's Inn at midnight. --------------------------------------------------------------- ***WHERE TO SEND SUBMISSIONS*** FOREIGN NEWS: The Mime offices are always eager for out-of- town news. Please send all submissions to Allercan Casour, c/o je002d@uhura.cc.rochester.edu or visit his office on the second floor of the MIME building. LOCAL NEWS: Though the MIME currently lacks a local news editor, we welcome information regarding local developments in and around Montfort. Contact Kit Tvyvar, c/o cmosley@ns.inw.net in order to set the irrepressible forces of journalistic investigation into motion. LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: If you would like to express your views on something you have seen in the MIME, or events in Montfort or elsewhere (plus see your name in print), address your letter to Rosh Valdokka, Editor-in-Chief, c/o 3mfpl7n@cmuvm.csv.cmich.edu. CLASSIFIEDS/ADS: Classified ads, personals, and advertising of all kinds should be submitted to Trouble Windwalk, c/o gtraxler@holli.com. GOSSIP: If you are a new arrival at the Dragon's Inn, and want to have some control over how you are written up in the gossip column, please submit information to Drywen Regelli, c/o beccaward@delphi.com. ADVICE: Torn between two lovers? Tearing your hair out at your mother-in-law's endless interference and uncertain how to tell her to mind her own business? (After all, who wants to upset a woman who can turn into a dragon in the blink of an eye?) Write to Calin Shadowdancer, c/o chisholm@buffnet.net for advice.