Why I Liked 3 (1/22/97)

Why am I posting this now?  Well, Mulder'’s encounter in "3" has come 
up a number of times in the "Scully/slut/saint" thread, and I was 
surprised to see that some people had opinions of this episode that 
were so different from my own.
I joined the ng right after TFWID, so I missed the discussion of this 
ep the first three times it aired; I apologize if what I'’m about to 
say is already old hat to y'’all.  But I’ve been trying for a week to 
*not* write this essay, and it'’s not working: it keeps distracting me 
from my work, so I'’ve got to get it out :).
"3" worked for me on an emotional/entertainment level, but what I 
really liked about it is the way it resonates (nay, *throbs*) with 
some of the core themes of the entire series.  So mostly what I do in 
this post is explain what I think those core themes are, and how they 
play out in 3.  (And then I go on a little rant about what I think 
Scully's reaction to the events in 3 would be -- you can skip to that 
paragraph if you want the really controversial stuff :) ).
_ Isolation/ Alternate Realities/ The Truth is Dangerous _
These three ideas are wrapped up in one core theme -- I wasn't sure 
which one to pick as the title.  But the idea is this: Mulder and 
Scully are isolated by what they know. (If you read my big "Paper 
Hearts" post you know where I'm going with this, but I feel I ought to 
recap a little for those just joining us...).  Their experiences with 
the X-Files have radically changed their perceptions of the world, 
putting them in basically an (unpleasant) alternate reality, and 
making it hard for them to connect with people who don't know what 
they know.  This isolation from the rest of us is a key component in 
the intense intimacy they share.  This theme that the truth is 
isolating and downright harmful shows up again and again in the series 
(consortium members declaring that the public could never handle the 
truth, Skinner becoming isolated from his wife because of the things 
he knows, him wanting to protect her from that knowledge, etc.).
How does this play out in 3?  First of all, Mulder's isolation is now 
horribly complete.  The truth appears to have been terminal for 
Scully, and not only does this leave a gaping wound in Mulder's life, 
it burdens him with enormous guilt for ever letting her in on these 
truths in the first place. 
Second, the Unholy Trinity also know truths that set them in a world 
apart.  Their secrets have taken them so far from humanity that they 
aren't just "alien"ated like M & S, they have become truly inhuman.  
Third, what Kristen knows alienates her from the real world, too.  She 
comes right out and says this -- she says she moves through her life 
as a stockbroker or whatever, but none of that is real.  Only blood is 
real. A lifetime of abuse has let her in on some knowledge that most 
of us (thankfully) aren't privy to; it's hard to put what she knows 
into words, but it is definitely harmful and isolating.  Her only 
brief connections are with people in the vampire scene, and only the 
ultimate proof of their blood (and hers) gives her any confidence in 
their reality (or her own -- as she herself says).  In fact, just as 
is the case with Mulder, the only people who seem to really understand 
the things she understands are the bad guys.
So here we have these two miserable and utterly isolated people 
(Mulder & Kristen, that is), and from the moment they meet, they have 
an inexplicable connection.  She knows about Scully (she just DOES 
:) ).  She knows his misery and isolation the moment she sees him and 
she even knows the source of it.  And then later she tells him things 
about herself that (it is safe to assume) she has never told anyone else.  
This is not a cheap fling, people!  This is something meaningful 
(though ultimately brief). 
_ Compulsion: "It's not who you are.  It doesn't make you happy." _
Mulder might as well have addressed those words to himself rather than 
Kristen.  I had no problem picking a title for this theme.  Mulder is 
compelled to continue his search.  It's not who he would like to be, 
and it doesn't make him happy.  (This is my argument from back in the 
"Please shrink Mulder" thread).  The quest for the truth is one big 
neurosis for M; it's the only thing maintaining the integrity of his 
psyche, but it's doing so at great cost.  He'd give it up if he could 
(at least, part of him wants to), but he'd need some powerful excuse 
to make it OK -- like having a peg leg (he gives us a glimpse of this 
side of himself in "Quagmire").
The parallel to Kristen is clear.  She too has found her own way to 
cope with the fear, self-blame, and self-doubt that accompany the kind 
of trauma she has experienced, but like Mulder's, it's not a healthy 
way to cope.  It doesn't make her happy.  To complete the parallel, 
for both Mulder and Kristen, it's the inexcusable acts of their 
fathers that set these traumas and neuroses in motion.
These two are perfect for each other.  They are kindred souls in a way
that Mulder and Scully are not.  (Yes, yes, I believe that M & S share a
profound love, but that's not the point here).
_ What would Scully think if she found out? _
Scully is, above all, compassionate -- that's a big part of what makes 
her so Blessed :) . She knows what Mulder was going through.  I'm sure 
he's never told her, but she knows (altogether now, "she just DOES" 
:) ).  She knows what it was like for her when he was gone, and she 
knows his immense capacity for self-blame, and she's perfectly capable 
of putting 2 and 2 together and getting one Mulder on the verge of 
total breakdown.  The fact that Kristen gave up her life to stop the 
Unholy Trinity is surely in the case report.  Scully would respect her 
for that.  And if she knew what Mulder knows about Kristen's past, she 
would certainly feel compassion for her.  So, yeah, part of her would 
probably be sad and hurt that some other woman meant something to 
Mulder, but she would also understand the connection between M & K, 
and would be glad that these two very unhappy people were able to find 
some comfort (however brief).
In other words, the *worst* thing Mulder could do is try to claim that 
the encounter didn't mean anything.  Do you think Scully wants to hear 
that, after a lifetime of abuse and degradation, the final indignity 
of Kristen's life was being used by Mulder, as an impersonal outlet 
for his grief, frustration, and lust?  If you do, then you believe in 
a petty, self-centered Scully.  Her empathy and compassion are such 
that she'd rather know that, at the end, someone cared for Kristen, 
even if that knowledge is more threatening and hurtful for Scully 
herself.
_ Conclusion _
Every good essay needs a succinct and insightful conclusion, but I am 
running out of steam!  So let me summarize this way: Kristen is a 
reflection of all the crazy, tragic, heroic aspects of Mulder.  Their 
connection, though brief, was neither casual, cheap or meaningless.  
From a commonsense standpoint, Mulder may wish he hadn't slept with 
someone so "high-risk", but from an emotional standpoint, I don't think 
he has any regrets.  If Scully knew (and I think she may suspect -- – 
she's pretty good at reading between the lines), part of her would be 
hurt, but part of her would see the rightness of this connection.
And that is why I liked 3.
EP