Everybody was so glad that I had made it. I received many hugs from Brignatia and Dame Katherine. Pellenas looked at me with twinkling eyes that said "I'm glad you are back." But they all avoided the subject of the girl whenever I asked about her, where she was, and why she was not here. Finally Brignatia said "She is with the Beaulani I imagine, in the deep woods with her friends."
That's when it all came back to me, the barbs, the girl's tears, and Pellnas' ship. "What happened to me?" I said.
"Many things happened to you," said Brignatia, "but for now all you need know is that you past the test. From now on whenever you decide to run away, or you want to die because it is all too hard for you, beauty will inspire you to do the right thing. You are now a part of a greater beauty, and beauty lives in you. And no matter how much ugliness they pile on, always beauty will find a way." Then she picked up the apple from the night stand beside my bed and handed it to me, just like in the dream, and said "Eat this, it too is beauty." So I did, and it was the most marvelous piece of fruit I have ever tasted in my whole life. I could actually feel strength returning to my limbs that had lain so long with disuse. To try to compare it to a known fruit on earth would not work, except that it seemed to have something like the best qualities of fruits like a pair, an apple, and a peach. Brignatia said that such fruits were given to eat only on very rare occasions, and for healing purposes only.
"I don't ever want to be so sick again" I said, after finishing the apple.
Brignatia looked down for a moment at her lap, for she was sitting near my bedside in my little room, and did not look at all uncomfortable, she looked down as she always did just before saying something wise and prophetic. Then she looked up and said "It is odd, that often the thing we fear to experience again is the one thing that can set us free. I hope you understand that one day, and I hope that you will not fear it. And remember also, that the Great All One made you a promise long ago, and such a promise shall never be broken."
"But then I would be in the dark woods again, and he would be there."
"No, my child," she said softly, "it would not be like that, even though many will tell you so. But hush for now, and sleep, he will not trouble your dreams again on this earth. Sleep, and dream of a little girl, go to her, and don't be afraid to show her how you feel, she is waiting for you to be strong."
I know that if anyone else were to be so honest with me, I would have been hurt. But there was never any malice in anything that Brignatia said. It was all said in love, a love that could reach inside of you and show you the truth, good and bad, of who you really are. That does not mean that I was not hard on myself in trying to find that balance within that frees one's self from cares and anchors their mind firmly in the ocean of joy, but I was never hurt by anything she said.
As much as I wanted to stay awake and talk more with Brignatia, Dame Katherine, and Pellenas, who seemed content for the moment to allow the women to care for me, it was not long before my eyelids began to droop heavily. The last thing I remember before falling asleep was the air filling with the sweet smell of some wonderous flower. And it was true, that I dreamt of the girl, a dream that seemed to go on for hours. And this is what I dreamed.
At first I was walking alone in the forest again, the forest near where I had met her. I did not know what I was doing in the forest, then I heard someone talking not too far away. I followed the sound of her voice, for it was the voice of a young girl. Finally I saw her, she was sitting with her back leaning up against the trunk of an ancient tree, and around her was a herd of Beaulani, all of them laying down and looking at her attentively. As I stepped into view she stopped her story for a moment and looked at me. "There you are Beaulani," she said smiling. The Beaulani looked toward me and their eyes developed a highly charged look almost like an electrical glow. They all snorted then. "They are happy to see you," she said. "Come sit with me, we have to talk." Then she whispered something in the ear of one of the white Beaulani, and the herd suddenly got up and ran away as silently as a herd of deer.
"What shall we talk about?" I said as I sat down beside her. I could never figure it out, but I always felt so shy around her. Something in me always felt like she was so pure, and that somehow I was so unclean, and that I would never get clean enough to feel comfortable when around her. But something else in me so wanted to be around her. Even though I had only seen her once before, I was already hopelessly in love with her.
She smiled and looked down at her lap for a second, which is a manner that many women I met on that world had, which they used to gather feminine poise. "We should talk about you," she finally said.
"What about me?" I said defensively.
She laughed for a second at my defensive stance. "Beaulani," she said then seriously, "you must know by now that you are on a very difficult road. Many monsters will come to get you, and you will not understand what is happening to you. Your grief will be emmense at times. You will even cry sometimes hoping to gain pity, but will instead meet with scorn. You are leaving us someday, to go into battle. Into a terrible battle of wills, where your only weapons will be your heart and your goodwill toward the people of your earth. I wish that I could go with you, but the laws of karma do not allow it in this case." Then suddenly she hugged me, and put her head against my chest and began to cry. "Oh, they will do such terrible things to you, in the name of progress. Things that you will not understand until your beard is grey and you have problems all around you." Then she sat up again and looked into my eyes. I wanted so much to tell her that I loved her. I will never forget the smell of her thick black hair, which was so incredibly nice, and how nice it all was to have such a girl hug you. After she regained her composure, she said "My dear heart, there is one thing I want you to know now, before we meet again in life, and this is about your future life back on your distant earth. If you remember nothing else of your life here, remember this, that no matter how aweful your life becomes for you, no matter how badly you feel about yourself and what they are able to create in you through deceit and lies and the horrid things that they do, know this, and treasure it, and that is this: I love you, I have always loved you, and I will always love you. You are my heart, my other half. We have been together for eons, and when more eons come, we will still love each other more than we do today." I began to sob uncontrollablly, and she hugged me once more, only this time to her heart. The dream began to fade then, as she whispered softly over and over "remember, remember, no matter what, remember."
As all faded to black and deep sleep, I remembered something. "Wait, wait, what is your name?" But she was gone, and the deep sleep of the soul carried me away into the flame of the healing heart.
When I awoke I remembered the whole dream vividly, as if it had just happened. I told Brignatia about it, and she was very happy that I remembered it. She said that she and the others were going to leave me alone for a while to ponder this dream. Which was good, because for the first time since I had come to live on Avalon I was saddened. People had been telling me or hinting at the fact that my road was hard from the very start, but this was the first time it had real meaning for me. I was sad, and afraid, and angry all at the same time. "Why me," I thought, but there were no answers, and I could feel myself slipping into depression. I felt as hopeless as if I had been told that I must move a mountainious rock around the world and all I'm given to pry it with is a little stick. It was that bad.
Pellenas must have sensed this, for the next day he came up to my room early in the morning and said good naturedly, his eyes bright and twinkling, "Today you will return to your music studies." Then he laughed when he saw my face; it was the one thing anyone could have said to draw me out of my depression. "Your Dame Katherine will be up a little later to instruct you in the art of music." I was, elated.
Dame Katherine as I called her, she would not tell me her real name was a very special person in my life, she had long black kind of curly hair, and beautiful eyes, as everyone on the planet seemed to have. She was the one person I remembered meeting on earth after my terrible abduction experience. It was her and someone else who I could not remember, who had frozen time on earth shortly after I was being put back into my parents car somewhere in Wyoming late at night in the year 1960, somewhere not far off a two lane highway on the way to South Dakota. Their ship was a little distance away. I remember they carried me for a ways, before we entered it. It was more oval in shape, and had a band on the underside of goldish metal that reminded me somewhat of a section of seashell. She was the one who took care of me on our journey to another galaxy, the place where Avalon is. She told me wonderful stories on the way, and held me when I cried, because I knew then what I forgot so many years, the idenity of my abducters. She told me later on that one day they would return me to the same moment from which they took me away. I hated to even think about that possibility. The thought of going back always made me sick to my stomach.
So for me she was like a second mother, and our discussions of music were always lively. I relished the ours that we spent together exploring themes, and not only the more obvious musical themes, but we studied the unseen forms which music creates on the etheric plane. She showed me with special scientific instruments that they had just how music makes fractal like patterns in the cosmic ether. She also showed me over time how this knowledge could be used to create music that can physically change the thought patterns of people, in order to better them. She told me that our Mozart had this ability, though it was not totally conscious in him. He knew instinctively when the music was right, he was lead by his incredible intuition. "You know I met him once," she said to me one day, "you are a lot like he was at that age. Insatiable curiosity for some things, and total indifference about other more personable things, almost to the point of blindness." She thought this was quite amusing.
This day she was to take me in a totally new direction. "I want you to start thinking about how you can combine the art of temple dancing with your art of music, also it must be dramatic, it must tell a story, it must have a universal theme. You will be free to engage an artist for the occasion, to do stage backgrounds. And you have to have it done and complete in one year, while maintaining your current studies with Pellenas. Also you must continue your walks in the woods, but you are not to look for the girl. You will find each other again when you are ready. But I would not be too disappointed about this, since you may have more dreams about her, from time to time."
You will say that a year seems like plenty of time, but when every second seems to be spoken for well in advance, it is hard to arrange time to produce a major work of music. Especially when it involves so many elements of art and drama. But actually, the idea delited me. My mind was on fire with new ideas. And it was at this time that I made the aquaintance of a young artist who was also a student of Dame Katherine's, named Leanor. She was an incredible painter, and worked with a medium simular to tempra. But I am getting ahead of myself.
Dame Katherine always looked like a woman of about 30 to me, and she was very beautiful. Tall and gracefully thin I would say. Her expertise was in the arts, including the art of healing. She worked with Brignatia on many projects at the university, and both shared many students which they were teaching on many different subjects. For most people on Avalon study is a lifetime pursuit, and since they all live for many centuries generally, they have the unique opportunity to become experts in many different fields. Even though their bodies did not show age unless as in Pellenas' case they chose to, you could always tell which ones were the ancient ones, and which people were younger. Dame Katherine definately had this quality of age. You felt that you were not only in the presense of a living library of knowledge, but also in the presense of very refined feelings, and human abilities to effect people in a positive way. It was like they were the sun and the water, and you were the flower blooming under their care. You even felt that "this" was how God intended people to be, and you wanted not only to have what they had, but to give it freely to others who have never tasted of such devine fruit.
I always loved to talk art and music with Dame Katherine. When I think of her now I see a vast plain with rivers and a beautiful patterning of ancient trees, and beautiful women working at many different activities, and then I see a wall with a long mural telling a story that I can not remember, and in the background is a wonderful music. When you talked art or music with her it was so easy to envision it. She was a very deep soul, and very caring, and concerned about everyone. I think her deepest desire in life was to see others succeed more than herself, but not because of any lack of talent on her part or feelings of insecurity, but because this was her teacher's gift.
We spent the whole afternoon talking about what kind of orchestration would work best with temple dances. She never lead me, but rather would answer my suggestions with a statement that this or that would create this effect, and was this what I wanted? She discussed subtle variations in where in the orchestra each instrument could be played to render a certain effect, and what buildings would create various acoustical effects. And even though I was still quite young, I so loved to talk in this intellectual way with someone older and wiser than myself. It made such a fire in my mind, that all my troubles would soon fall away in this quest for an intellectual footing with the wize.
And even though I was very weak when I awoke from my metamorphis, it was not take many afternoons of such talk, in addition to some very enlightening talks with Pellenas, interspersed with visits from Brignatia, before I was well enough to begin my daily walks in the woods again. At first trying to keep up with Pellenas, who despite his age and ancient looks was incredibly strong and fit. But after a month or two I was out taking walks by myself in the evening. It helped me to think about how to approach my studies, especially the project that Dame Katherine had laid upon my young shoulders, which was an ambitious project for one so young and who had not been born with a father named Leopold. It was while exploring a region that lay beyond Pellenas' house by two days that I got my first look at a rift cliff. It was also the first time I met the last tribe of the Fioninn warriors, who taught me the true nature of the Great Shout.
Back to the Table of Contents
Get your own Free Home Page