Legal Humor - Laws That Still Eexist

Alphabetically by state:

Alabama:
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
It is illegal to buy a bag of peanuts after sunset and before sunrise the next day in Alabama.

Arkansas
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month...
Flirtation between the members of the opposite sex on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.
The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
According to Arkansas law, Section 4761, Pope's Digest: "No person shall be permitted under any pretext whatever, to come nearer than fifty feet of any door or window of any polling room, from the opening of the polls until the completion of the count and the certification of the returns."

Arizona:
It is illegal to wear suspenders in Nogles, AZ.

California
In California, it is illegal to posses bear gall bladders.
In California, it is illegal to trip horses for entertainment.
In Blythe, California, a person must own two cows in order to legally wear cowboy boots in public.
In Los Angeles, a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license.
Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.
In L.A. it is against the law to complain through the mail that a hotel has cockroaches, even if it is true.
It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Blvd. at one time.
It is illegal to whistle for a lost canary before 7 am in Berkeley, CA.
San Francisco is said to be the only city in the nation to have ordinances guaranteeing sunshine to the masses.
In Cupertino, California, it is illegal to count backwards audibly in hexadecimal.
The good burghers of Redwood City have outlawed the frying of gravy.
In Santa Clara, it is forbidden to dedicate parking spaces to the patron saint of television.
Prostitutes in San Francisco are not obliged to make change for bills larger than $50.
The city of Mountain View proscribes calling pet fish by "names of aggressive content, e.g. 'Biter', 'Killer', 'Sugar-Ray'"
Bicycles may not be ridden without "appropriate fashion accessories" anywhere in Santa Clara County (de facto law).
It is illegal to skateboard on walls "or other vertical surfaces" in Palo Alto.
Wearing a sweatshirt inside-out is deemed a "threatening misdemeanor" in Half-Moon Bay.
In 1930, the City Council of Ontario (California) passed an ordinance forbidding roosters to crow within the city limits.
In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
Peeling an orange in your hotel room is banned in California (Legal Lunacy)
Los Angeles "Daily News": Have you ever had the urge to rip the tag from a pillow or mattress, despite the warning of dire penalties? Well, it's perfectly legal now, if you live in Colorado. Governor Roy Romer formalized the law by gleefully tearing a label from a pillow at his office. "I've been worrying about the mattress inspector jumping through the window for years," he said.

Colorado
In Logan County, it is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep....
It is illegal to swim during the daytime in a pool or river within the city limits of Durango, CO
It is illegal to throw shoes at weddings in Colorado.
In Denver, it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next door neighbor.

Connecticut:
You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.
An old Connecticut law banished to use of condoms and all other contraceptive devices.
In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
In Harford, Conn., you aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)

Florida:
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
A special law prohibits unmarried women (whether single, divorced or widowed) from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
In Sarasota, it is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
In Idaho, fishing from the back of any animal is illegal.
Apparently, it's illegal to give a lighted cigarette to a cat or dog in Miami. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
In Miami, it's illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)

Georga:
It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro, Georgia.

Idaho:
Idaho state law makes it illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
In Pocatello, Idaho, a law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public view."
It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
Illinois:
Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through any of its streets.
It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.
Indiana:
Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house or theater nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.
It is illegal to take a bath in the wintertime in Indiana.
In Gary, Ind., persons are prohibited from attending a movie house or other theater and from riding a public streetcar within four hours of eating garlic. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)

Iowa:
Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.
In Corning, Iowa, it is illegal to speak to anyone passing along the street or sidewalk.
Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you- or holding you in his arms.In Ottumwa, Iowa, "It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unacquainted." (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)

Kansas:
No one may catch fish with his bare hands in Kansas.

Kentucky:
By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she"cannot hold onto the ground."
It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.
A Kentucky law says that burglary can only be committed at night.
It is illegal for pigeons to fly over Bellevue, KY.
Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie.
Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
In Kentucky, "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club." An amendment to the above legislation: "The provisions of this statuate shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses." (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)

Louisana:
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."

Maryland:
Laws prohibit the selling of condoms throughvendings machines in gas stations and stores-with one major exception. Prophylactics mat be dispensed by vending machines only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises"
In Halethrope, it is illegal to kiss for more than one second.
In Baltimore, it is illegal to mistreat oysters.
In Baltimore it is illegal to wash or scrub sinks, no matter how dirty they get.
In Baltimore, it's illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
In Baltimore, it's also illegal to take a lion to the movies. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)

Massachusetts:
Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
In Salem, even married couples are forbidden from sleeping in the nude in rented rooms.
In Boston it is illegal to take a bath unless one has been ordered by a physician to do so.
In 1659, the State outlawed Christmas...
From an Associated Press news wire: The state of Massachusetts is drafting regulations prohibiting large-scale bakers to allow the odor of bread to be released into the atmosphere because it contains ethanol, which can break down into ozone, a component of smog. "If people have such a visceral response to this smell, they can bake their own bread," said the engineer at the state Department of Environmental Protection who drafted the regulation.

Michigan:
A state law stipulates that a woman's hair legally belongs to her husband.
It is illegal in Michigan to hitch a crocodile to a fire hydrant.
In Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
In Detroit, couples are banned from making love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)

Missouri:
In St. Louis, it's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
In Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."
Minnesota:
It is illegal to pass a cow in Pine Island District, MN, without tipping your hat.
No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
MoOntana:
Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown- if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.
Nebraska:
A parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.

Nevada
It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.
In Eureka, men who wear mustaches are forbidden from kissing women.

New Hampshire:
New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.

Nebraska:
The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.
New Jersey:
In Manville, NJ, it is illegal to feed animals whiskey or cigarettes in a public park.
It is illegal to raise chickens in bottles in New Jersey.
It is illegal to slurp soup in New Jersey.
It is illegal to knock on doors or ring doorbells in Barker, NJ.
Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.
New Mexico:
In Carrizozo, N.M., it's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public (includes legs and face). (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.
New York:
A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.
In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks when a concert is on.
In Carmel, N.Y., a man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
From an AP bulletin: The New York City Transit Authority has ruled that women can ride the city subways topless. New York law dictates that if a man can be somewhere without a shirt, a woman gets the same right. The decision came after arrests of women testing the ordinance on the subways. A transit police spokesman said they would comply with the new rule, but "if they were violating any other rules, like sitting on a subway bench topless smoking a cigarette, then we would take action." Smoking is not allowed in the subways.

North Dakota:
Beer & pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
It's against the law in North Dakota to go to bed wearing shoes.

Ohio:
In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio- a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't!"
Oklahoma:
Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.
Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.
Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
In Bexley, Ohio, Ordinance number 223, of 09/09/19 prohibits the installation and usage of slot machines in outhouses.
It is illegal in Oklahoma to give liquor to a fish (Legal Lunacy)

Oklahoma:
Whale hunting is strictly forbidden throughout the entire state.
In Tulsa, kisses lasting more than three minutes are forbidden.
In Tulsa, Oklahoma, it is against the law to open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer.
Harthahorne (Oklahoma) City Ordinance, Section 363, states that it shall be unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window.

Oregon:
It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.
Pennsylvania:
A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.
No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.
It is illegal in Pittsburgh, Penn., to sleep in a refrigerator.
The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
In Pennsylvania, "any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue." (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
In certain sections of Pennsylvania many years ago, the Farmer's Anti-Automobile society set up some "rules of the road." In effect, they said:
1. "Automobiles travelling on country roads at night must send up a rocket every mile, then wait ten minutes for the road to clear."
2. "If a driver sees a team of horses, he is to pull to one side of the road and cover his machine with a blanket or dust cover that has been painted to blendinto the scenery."
3. "In the event that a horse refuses to pass a car on the road, the owner musttake his car apart and conceal the parts in the bushes."

Rhode Island:
In Province it is illegal to sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.
In Newport, it is illegal to smoke a pipe after sunset.

South Dakota:
In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!
Tennessee:
It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.
In Dyersburg, it is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date.
In Memphis, Tennessee, it is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.
In Tennessee, it is illegal to shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.

Texas:
A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.
It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
It is Texas law that when two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. In one of those "true facts" books there was an explanation for this law. It seems that one of the state senators did not want a law passed. To keep this particular law from passing, he attached the train law to it. He hoped that his fellow senators would discover the train law attached, see how ridiculous it was, and not pass the laws. Nobody saw the the train law attached and passed both laws. This may not be the real reason, but it sounds good. And it might explain some of the laws we have to live with.
In Texas, on one other than a registered pharmacist" may sell condoms or other kinds of contraceptives "on the street or other public places." Not even Physicians! Anyone one who tries to make a few extra bucks doing this will be severaly prosecuted for the dire act of "unlawfully practicing medicine."
A recently passed anti-crime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed...
In Lefors, it is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer at any time while standing.
In San Antonio, it is illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands.

Utah:
Birds have the right of way on all highways.
A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.
It is against the law to fish from horseback in Utah.
No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed.
Vermont:
Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least one bath each week -- on Saturday night.
It is illegal to paint a horse in Vermont.

Virginia:
In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job- for men only- called a corset inspector.)

Washington:
All lollipops are banned.
A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town.
It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.
There is/was a law on the books in Washington state that stated that a motorcar driven at night must be preceded by something like 100 yards by a man carrying a lantern...
In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.
it is still an offence in Washington state to pretend your parents are rich (Legal Lunacy)

Washington, D.C.:
A D.C. federal judge has ruled that begging is a form of free speech protected by the Constitution. That means that mugging is free speech too, only more persuasive.

West Virginia:
No children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions."
It is illegal for lions to run wild in the streets of Alderson, WV.
In Nicholas County, W. Va., no member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humorous stories from the pulpit during a church service. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)

Wisconsin:
In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.
Wyoming:
An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in-meat freezer!
Other Countries:
In Calgary, there is a by-law that is still on the books that requires businesses within the city to provide rails for tieing up horses.
In King County it is illegal to sit on a man's lap on a metro bus, unless you are married.
I understand that in Germany, there is a law that every office must have a view of the sky, however small. So the office buildings are all long and skinny.
In England, it is illegal to sell most goods on a Sunday, (this law is mostly ignored), it is however legal to sell a carrot. It is also legal to sell it at any price and to give free gifts with it, such as anything else one might want to buy on a Sunday!
In Israel, there's no legal way for a man named Cohen to marry a divorced woman.
Manfred deLisle, a London patent attorney, is offering to file patent claims for the complete genome of any individual who wishes to "preserve his or her commercial options." Several hundred people have signed up for deLisle's services. However, it is anticipated that patent officials will impose extensive documentation demands that will render the scheme impractical.

Another London attorney, A. C. Pomeroy, is working with representatives of several major religions to file patent claims for the genetic substance deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), "on behalf of an unspecified deity." Pomeroy's clients will claim that (a) DNA is a patentable invention and (b) the inventor is unable to file a claim personally and so must have his rights protected by a consortium of interested parties. The parties reportedly have agreed to share any royalties that accrue from the patent, on an equal basis.

But as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and in law. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value. - Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

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