Prologue: It Begins Again

The following passages are excerpted from the chapter.

". . .But the memories never really went away. I left Vietnam so long ago, yet the sound of a helicopter overhead still evokes instantaneous recall of those moments in Vietnam when Hueys flew in low to the ground to loose their fury on an enemy position. When I hear rifle fire from a hunter in the woods behind my house, the old tension returns and I instantly anticipate a quick crescendo of return fire and the sound of exploding grenades. When we took the family to a Fourth of July celebration, many of the harmless fireworks explosions would summon thoughts of more serious times and the detonation of munitions of all sorts, from hand grenades to high-explosive artillery shells. . . ."

". . .These are only a few of a myriad of cues -- sounds and smells and language and landscapes -- that still momentarily startle me, triggering a chill, until I realize what they really are, rather than what they remind me of. . . . "

". . .thoughts of Vietnam would simply surface, anytime, with no forewarning. It was as if I had capped the bottle of memories long ago -- but prematurely -- leaving them to ferment. Then something disturbed the bottle, cracked the seal, and tiny bubbles of the past -- formed but hidden deep inside -- were silently expanding and drifting to the surface of my awareness. If I were not deeply, very deeply, involved, concentrating, it would be back. . . ."

". . .Does it make sense to try not to think about it? Or might it be better to let it return? To think about it all? It all happened. Did it get plowed under because it was truly not important anymore? Or did I suppress my thoughts and my feelings over the years because they were unpleasant and I did not want to deal with them? . . ."

". . .Is it better to recall or forget? Should I talk about it with someone who had similar experiences? Would it help to write about it, to tell the stories that now haunt me, to explain it at least to myself? Or do I need to have others understand? If I write and no one reads my words, or if they do read, but they do not care or they do not understand, will it make a sound? And if it does, will I hear it and be free?"