A Kilt-Wearing Guy
(to the tune of American Pie)
A long, long time ago...
I first read Outlander
And imagined passing through the Stones.
And I knew if it got a chance
This book could redefine romance,
And I wouldn't be re-reading on my own.
So now I sit here quite contented
Because the Internet's invented:
Home and hosed aplenty,
On re-read Number Twenty!
And I still remember how I've cried
While I read the bit where the baby died
And how Claire parted with her pride -
To be by Jamie's side.
Aye, aye, it's a Kilt-Wearing Guy!
My addiction, though he's fiction,
And I think I know why:
A skill at swiving that you cannot deny;
And the message on a ring gets me high,
Kisses on a ring are no lie.
Have you read the Books I love
And do you know what I'm thinking of
When I mention waterweed?
Or turtle soup, or strawberries?
Do you feel a weakness in your knees,
And say it's time for yet another read?
Well I knew that Scotsman wasn't dead
'Cause I saw there were more books ahead,
The teaser got me keen -
How I dig that reunion scene!
She was a loving mother and lonely wife,
Who became a surgeon just to get a life.
And she knew it would be worth the strife
To be by Jamie's side.
For she was thinkin'...
Aye, aye, it's a Kilt-Wearing Guy!
My addiction, though he's fiction,
And I think I know why:
A skill at swiving that you cannot deny;
And the message on a ring gets me high,
Kisses on a ring are no lie.
Now in Claire's life there are ups and downs,
From bloody shifts to expensive gowns,
And from the mountains to the sea.
She'll face hungry wolves and perceptive dogs,
And herbalists who resemble frogs,
For the sake of love that's meant to be.
Oh, and though there's love back in the past,
It certainly ain't all a blast.
The people can be mean,
And most aren't very clean.
There are monsters in those Highland lakes;
In privies there are rattlesnakes.
A woman should stay wide awake,
If she's by Jamie's side.
Keep repeating...
Aye, aye, it's a Kilt-Wearing Guy!
My addiction, though he's fiction,
And I think I know why:
A skill at swiving that you cannot deny;
And the message on a ring gets me high,
Kisses on a ring are no lie.
Dirk and claymore, landed in a Scots war,
Jacobites heading for a cold moor,
And the Prince is falling fast.
But history just can't be changed,
Not even if you're a witch deranged,
There are things you shouldn't mess with in the past.
Now a trip through time's a crazy thing,
So grab a gem or an extra ring.
Make sure you got the genes,
Oh, and a wide range of vaccines!
Choose a fire or sun feast, get it right,
Then think of love with all your might.
That's how Claire went, to our delight,
To be by Jamie's side.
And we were cheering...
Aye, aye, it's a Kilt-Wearing Guy!
My addiction, though he's fiction,
And I think I know why:
A skill at swiving that you cannot deny;
And the message on a ring gets me high,
Kisses on a ring are no lie.
So here we are, in any case,
Discussing kilts in cyberspace
And all the scenes we love to see:
Like when Jack the pervert, Jack the sick,
Black Jack's neutered with a single flick,
And no harm done to the Randall family tree...
Oh my book falls open to the page
Where Bree cuts loose in a fit of rage
To say her mom's no witch,
And spell out who's the bitch!
While in the scene that lets us all rejoice,
Claire listens to her inner voice:
At the magic Stones she makes her choice
To stay by Jamie's side.
She's believing...
Aye, aye, it's a Kilt-Wearing Guy!
My addiction, though he's fiction,
And I think I know why:
A skill at swiving that you cannot deny;
And the message on a ring gets me high,
Kisses on a ring are no lie.
We meet a gal with big green eyes
And a taste for human sacrifice,
"It's possible," she says, and spins away.
We've seen those same green eyes before,
They are part of what makes Roger more
Than a plot device for flashbacks to today.
And on the Net conjectures fly,
Outlander forums multiply.
Read excerpts while we're waiting,
And keep on speculating
On the questions that intrigue us most:
The headstone, skull, and Jamie's Ghost,
And will our Claire end up as toast?
If she's by Jamie's side.
So we're still waiting...
Aye, aye, it's a Kilt-Wearing Guy!
My addiction, though he's fiction,
And I think I know why:
A skill at swiving that you cannot deny;
And the message on a ring gets me high,
Kisses on a ring are no lie.
And we're re-reading...
Aye, aye, it's a Kilt-Wearing Guy!
My addiction, though he's fiction,
And I think I know why:
A skill at swiving that you cannot deny;
And the message on a ring gets me high...