Curse Calpirg

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From: jjc7@cornell.edu (Jason Jiyon Cho)
Date: Wed, 17 Apr 1996 18:34:33 -0400 (EDT)
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To: dcw2@cornell.edu (Donald Cloyce Wagda),
        mec11@cornell.edu (Michael Edward Capel),
        jmm21@cornell.edu (Jason Michael Matyas),
        brh1@cornell.edu (Bruce Robert Hudson),
        dml6@cornell.edu (Dominique Mari Lazanski)
cc: mch12@cornell.edu (Maria-Richetta Camille Harris),
        hmh3@cornell.edu (Heather Marie Hollidge),
       mdw13@cornell.edu (Michael David Waldron),
        chp1@cornell.edu (Cyrus Homi Patel),
        ajv4@cornell.edu (Amy Jo Vanblarcom)
Subject: Curse CalPIRG
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I'll bet you anything I have been assaulted more times by CalPIRG in the
last three weeks than you have ever been assaulted by ATO's for Daffodil
Days, and that is saying quite a bit.

In the beginning it was fun to entertain them for a while: "Help us
free elections from corporations and special interests..." "Ohhh, I
would, but I work for Oliver North." Then I moved on to "Please sign a
petition to..." "Ohhh, but my father's bank will really rake it in when
student aid is finally hacked off completely."

This week-- whether it is at the grocery store, park, main library, or
anywhere else they find me-- I am jumping right to "You know, asking
people to sign things is racist. Only Europeans put such an emphasis on
writing. And what if I were differently-abled?"

It's not just the liberal slant, though. They are equal opportunity
annoyers-- quite counterproductive to their cause-- that rival those nuts
that sit behind the tables at Noyes and yell "Hey, would you like to join
the College Republicans?" >;-)

Even in the non-partisan Muir Quarterly, a campus newspaper:
Top Ten Things to say when CalPIRG asks you "Do You Have A Minute for the
Environment?"

10. Only when I'm recycling.
9. No, you tree-hugging schmuck.
8. I'm a UCSD student. Do I have a minute for anything?
7. I've already saved the world this month.
6. Sure, how can I pledge? ([Eleanor] Roosevelt [College] students only)
5. You guys are lamer than The Guardian [UCSD student newspaper] and
Revelle [College] combined
4. I once chopped down a tree in Reno just to watch it die.
3. If a minute is all it needs, maybe it's not worth helping in the first
place.
2. When was the last time the environment had a minute for me?
1. No.

They get paid big money (relative to Okenshield's, anyway) to collect
these signatures, register voters, etc. I have considered signing forms
or being registered to vote as, for instance, Addam Smythe, William
Jefferson Rawlings, or any number of dogs belonging to fraternity
brothers, but have refrained due to possible federal election fraud charges.

Similar stories with PennPIRG and FlaPIRG from friends there. (I wonder
what're the cute PIRG abbreviations for North Dakota, West Virginia,
Nevada, and New Jersey)

With NYPIRG coming to town, I can only surmise that walking through the
Straight will become more perilous than ever. This, I think, is the
ultimate revenge upon the people who voted them in.

JasonC

P.S.   D-- did you get my last note? I was expressing curiousity, not anger.
P.P.S. H-- have you tracked down Yvonne Lee for me yet?

--
The exiled
JasonC
jjc7@cornell.edu

"Top Ten Things Clinton Is Hiding In His Whitewater Notes"
As presented on the 12/15/95 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN

10. Names and numbers of back-up first ladies after Hillary goes to jail
9. Doctor's report declaring his brother Roger "a bonehead"
8. Memo to Madonna offering to sire her child
7. Hundreds of filthy limericks using the name "Newt"
6. Presidential discount card for Georgetown Hooters
5. Note to self: "Blame it on Hillary"
4. Apparently for the last couple of years he's been a "lame duck" in the
sack
3. Reminder to never, ever do this again (VT of Clinton singing)
2. His passport, a fake beard, and $10,000 in cash
1. The recipe for Secret Sauce