Status of Parents in The Quran
by Kashif Ahmed Shehzada

"And We have enjoined on man goodness (Ihsan) to his parents, and if they contend with you
that you should associate (others) with Me, of which you have no knowledge, do not obey
them, to Me is your return, so I will inform you of what you did." Al-Qur'an 29:8

What sort of a relationship should we maintain with our parents? In what matters are we not allowed to obey them? Generally what opinion has mankind held concerning their parents and ancestors when the message of Allah was delivered to them? What should be our relationship with our parents in case they are unbelievers? The answers to such and many other questions are provided in the Qur'an as guidance for all Mankind.The Qur'an provides us a clear criteria for establishing a relationship with our parents whether they be believers or unbelievers.The following are some Ayat (verses) dealing with this subject:

CODE OF CONDUCT WITH PARENTS

As believers,we are instructed about the sort of behavior that we are to maintain with our parents,
especially when they have reached old age:

"And your Sustainer has decreed that you will serve none but Him, and that you be good
(Ihsan) towards PARENTS. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life,say not to
them (even) `fie' nor rebuke them but address them with terms of honor." (17:23)

"And out of kindness lower to them the wing of humility and say:`O My Sustainer,Bestow on
them your mercy even as they cherished me in childhood." (17:24)

In the above verse we are restrained from even saying `fie' <oof> to our parents as people who are
harsh on their parents and rebuke them are described as `those in loss' <khasireen>:

"And (there is one) who says to his PARENTS `Fie' on you! Do you hold out the promise to me
that I shall be raised up,even though generations have passed before me?' And they two seek
Allah's aid (and say) `Woe to you! Believe! For the promise of Allah is true.' But he says:`This
is nothing but tales of the ancients!' (46:17)

"Such are they against whom is proved the sentence among the previous generations of Jinn
(hidden persons) and mankind, that have passed away; for they are those in loss." (46:18)

As believers we are also commanded to spend on our parents from our resources as they cherished us in childhood:

"They ask you what they should spend.Say:`Whatever you spend that is good, is for
PARENTS and kindred and orphans and those in want and for wayfarers. And whatever you
do that is good,-Allah has its knowledge." (2:215)

Its is obligatory for us to provide for our parents when they are in need and not to desert them in an
old home. Furthermore we cannot impose any hardships on them. Jesus the son of Mary (PBUH)
is an example for us in this regard:

(Jesus said) "And He has made me kind to my mother and not overbearing or miserable."
(19:32)

WHEN ARE WE NOT TO OBEY OUR PARENTS ?

While maintaining good behavior with their parents, the Believers are instructed not to obey their
parents in certain situations:

"And We have enjoined on Man concerning his PARENTS: In travail upon travail did his
mother bear him and his weaning is in two-years: Show gratitude to Me and to your parents:
To Me is your goal." (31:14)

"But if they strive with you to associate with Me that which you have no knowledge, THEN
OBEY THEM NOT; Yet bear them company in this life in a recognized manner. And follow the
way of those who turn to Me. In the end the return of you all is to Me, and I will tell you the
truth of all you did." (31:15)

We are not to obey our parents if they suggest `Shirk' i.e. association with Allah, yet bear them
company in a just manner.