George Bush: To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
Julius Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.
Candide: To cultivate its garden.
Bill the Cat: Oop Ack.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Moses: Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed
the road, and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so
for its own preservation.
Joseph Conrad: Mistah Chicken, he dead.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most
astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An
historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to
attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to
homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the
trees.
Thomas Dequincy: Because it ran out of opium.
Rene Descartes: It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming
anyway.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?
TS Eliot: Weialala leia / Wallala leialala.
TS Eliot (revisited): Do I dare to cross the road?
Epicurus: For fun.
Paul Erdos: It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Basil Fawlty: Oh, don't mind that chicken. It's from Barcelona.
Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its
forward momentum.
Sigmund Freud: The chicken obviously was female and obviously
interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was
mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious,
selbstverstaendlich.
Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.
Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs,
which, thank goodness, are good, dahling.
Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the
chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
Adolf Hitler: It needed Lebensraum.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we
were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which was on the other side of the
road.
John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!
Martin Luther King: It had a dream.
James Tiberius Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Stan Laurel: I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.
Leda: Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed up as a chicken? He's into
that kind of thing, you know.
Gottfried Von Leibniz: In this best possible world, the road was
made for it to cross.
Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I
had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost
divorced him, but we needed the eggs.
Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
Gregor Mendel: To get various strains of roads.
John Milton: To justify the ways of God to men.
Alfred E. Neumann: What? Me worry?
Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in
motion tend to cross the road.
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)
reason.
Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.
Michael Palin: Nobody expects the banished inky chicken!
Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on the other side of the
road.
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
Ronald Reagan: I forget.
Georg Friedrich Riemann: The answer appears in Dirichlet's lectures.
John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the
transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed
himself of the opportunity.
Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly.
Ah canna work miracles, Captain!
William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle
off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.
Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?
Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.
Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
Margaret Thatcher: There was no alternative.
Dylan Thomas: To not go (sic) gentle into that good night.
Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow
out of life.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
George Washington: Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back
in 1776. But most history books don't reveal that I bunked
with a birdie during the duration.
Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.
William Wordsworth: To have something to recollect in tranquility.
Molly Yard: It was a hen!
Henny Youngman: Take this chicken ... please.
Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.
Paul de Man: The chicken did not really cross the road because one
side and the other are not really opposites in the first place.
Paul de Man: (uncovered after his death) So no one would find out it
wrote for a collaborationist Belgian newspaper during the
early years of World War II.
Jacques Lacan: Because of its desire for object a.
Roland Barthes: The chicken wanted to expose the myth of the road.
Michel Foucault: It did so because the dicourse of crossing the road
left it no choice-the police state was oppressing it.
Jacques Derrida: What is the difference? The chicken was merely
deferring from one side of the road to other. And how do we
get the idea of the chicken in the first place? Does it exist
outside of language?
Camille Paglia: It was drawn by the subconscious chthonian power of
the feminine which men can never understand, to cross the
road and focus itself on its task. Hens are not capable of
doing this-their minds do not work that way. Feminism tries
vainly to pretend there is no real difference between them,
falsely following Rousseau. But de Sade has proved....
Ayn Rand: It was crossing the road because of its own rational
choice to do so There cannot be a collective unconscious;
desires are unique to each individual.
Immanuel Kant: Because it was a duty.
James Joyce: Once upon a time a nicens little chicken named baby
tuckoo crossed the road and met a moocow coming down...
James Joyce: To forge in the smithy of its soul the uncreated
conscience of its race.
Leopold Bloom: Wonder why chickens cross roads. Must be some law.
Migration maybe. Mrs Marion Bloom.
Molly Bloom: the chicken crossed the road well Poldy I dont know
why why do you worry about such stupid bloody things O
speaking of stupid bloody things here it comes again damn it
its only been three weeks I wonder is there something wrong
with me yes
Gilligan: The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross.
If not for the plumage of its peerless tail the chicken would
be lost. The chicken would be lost!
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian
biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly
relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
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